Pages

Friday, June 27, 2008

Missing my Girl

UPDATE 6/28/08: Thank you ALL for your prayers and sweet comments of encouragment. I usually respond by visiting your blog, but I feel I really need to stay off the computer and focus on God right now. I can usually balance both but my attention and little energy I have must be His. I love you my sisters in Christ. This is what it's all about isn't it? Leaning on Him together. Thank you again, you all are just the biggest blessing to my heart. At She Speaks Sat. night they handed out cards with a word on it and a verse. Mine was ABLE and my verse: Habbakuk 3:19"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights" Only God would know how much I would need that particular word and verse in my life within days. Only God. You are so worth all of this pain Lord. So worth it.
Love, Lelia


I just want to thank all of you who have prayed for my family from yesterday's post. What a blessing you all are.

Last night we talked with her and thought it went good until at 9:45 I got a text from one of her friends saying that Alyssa had left. I ran upstairs to find Amiyah in her bassinet crying , but no Alyssa. She had packed a bag and left. She won't take my calls but did text last night about 10:30 saying that she didn't want to leave her baby but thinks this is the best thing to do right now.


This morning I hopped over to my new friend Kim's blog called Seasons of my Heart. Let me share a little of what touched my heart:


Remember, nothing we face, surprises God. He’s aware of everything, so why not rest in his presence and remain “yoked” to him?I’m learning that my worst day with Jesus, (being yoked to him) is better than MY best day (outside of his yoke) without him!!!We each face different situations, trials, and circumstances, yet our Savior, remains. Are you willing to give up “yourself”..and your "pride".. so you can take on his yoke, which is easy, and your burden will become lighter?
~Kim from Season of my Heart~
She also shared The Message version of Lamentations 3:22-24 and I thought: Lord, you know just what I need.
I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up.They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
When I read these verses I see my daughter one day sharing her story. Sharing how it felt to hit the bottom, but to realize that God was all she's got left. I get excited to know that she is being watched over by the very One that created her.
I know that although it made me crumble into a heap of despair the moment I found out Alyssa had left, God did not jump out of His throne, hit the red panic button on the wall and ask the angels "What do we do now?" No, my daughter did not shake the floors of heaven.
He's in control and with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength I believe that. Doesn't mean the tears will stop falling, but it does mean that my faith in the God who is crazy about my daughter is increasing minute by minute. I can't wait for her hardened heart to melt into His hands no matter how long it takes.

As much as this is killing the flesh women in me, the women that wants nothing more than more of Jesus is excited and when I'm not on my knees I am sitting on the edge of my seat with a heart of expectation. Expecting my Savior to do what He does best. I look at His history and He just doesn't do anything small. He's just amazing that way.
Earlier I talked with this wonderful Sprint operator in Florida who is expecting her 3rd child in November. We just talked a little of what is happening and she said "when you believe in God everything will be okay." AMEN!
Here is a poem I wrote for my friends prodigal daughter when she had come home.
The dark slimy figure made its way up to the throne
Hissing and laughing Satan said to Jesus, I’ve always known
I’ve always known that this young lady’s heart would belong to me
Nothing you’ve done for her matters not even dying on a tree
Getting her to remain in this lifestyle is something I know I always can
For making her feel hopeless is how I keep her living out my plan
My plan to kill her dreams, steal her joy and destroy her entire life
I want her days to be filled with nothing but anger and strife
I want her to live a life full of misery and defeat
I will keep her self esteem low underneath my feet
Satan then looked at Jesus and shouted I will never quit
As long as I can keep her down in this dark and lonely pit
Don’t you see Jesus as long as she is on the earth
She will believe me when I tell her that she has no self worth
Suddenly Jesus stood up and the room became so bright
His voice thundered as He looked at Satan and said I too will continue to fight
As Jesus walked forward the Prince of Darkness began to cry and tremble
For this coward knows the power the Son of God does resemble
Speaking boldly the King said I’ll never give up on capturing her heart
For my Princess is worth more than any rare piece of art
You have plans of destruction where my plans promise that she’ll succeed
You’ll lead her straight to death where to a new life is where I’ll lead
There will come a day when she falls completely in love with Me
And I will be the center of her life you just wait and see
For she is my child and she is worth fighting for at all cost
I’ll never give up on her and I’ll comfort her when she feels lost
She is beautiful, worthy, lovely, special, and precious in my sight
And I will be her Hero and her Holy Defender in every single fight
The battle for her heart will never end until she gives her life completely to Me
And I will continue to fight for her until she allows Me to set her free
Jesus had slowly backed Satan into a corner of the throne room
Looking defeated the enemy quickly slithered back down to his pit of gloom
The angels immediately began to praise and worship the Almighty One
For they knew that her heart would soon belong to the Son
As Jesus took His place back upon His heavenly throne
He lovingly looked down on her and whispered…You are mine child this
I’ve always known!
©2006 Lelia Chealey

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Lord Jesus, I trust in You completely.

My Dad wondered about Post-Partum Depression. I never thought of that and am not clear on all the symptoms, but will look into this. Thinking back on last night alone though, when she walked into the room to talk with us I was holding Amiyah and she never once looked at her. So unlike this mom who is so in love with her baby. Oh sweet Jesus, please continue to watch over my girl.

Love you,

30 comments:

Laura said...

Lelia,
I just read your previous post and my heart is crying out with yours, Dear One. I am so sorry. Know that you and Alyssa are covered in prayer. God will take care of you and your girls. Consider yourself hugged and prayed over.

Heather said...

That is a powerful poem!

Continuing to pray for all of you!

Julie said...

Lelia,
Here's a link to Angela's blog. She has not only experienced Post-Partum Depression, she has written about it on her blog. Check it out.

http://becomingmethruhim.blogspot.com/2008/04/my-pdd-series-measuring-motherhood-with.html

I am sorry for all this..... But you are right, God has her.

Hugs,
Julie

Tammy R said...

I am praying for you and your family.

What a beautiful poem!

tiggerdaisy said...

Praying for you...

Rebecca

hkudla said...

Oh Lelia,
I read your earlier post this morning and started praying. and I read this one just now. My heart aches for you.
For once I am praying expectantly for God to bring your daughter back to you, and her baby, and most of all back to Him. I will continue to pray and seek to know the promptings of His Holy Spirit in how to pray.
I love you. Thank you for sharing so that we can all join you in prayer, and join you in rejoicing when we see the answers He will give.
Heather

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

My first thoughts also ran to post partum depression. I also posted a prayer today that you might find good to pray for her. We are praying for this while situation. Satan knows your heart andthe renewal you expereinced and he has hit at your core. Kepp i nthe shadow of the cross and focused on Jesus and not what satan has done as compared to what Christ will do though this. I am praying friend!!

In His Graces~Pamela

LynnSC said...

New Friend,
My heart is still aching for you... yet your faith awes me.

I do not think that it is an accident that you are "fixin" to start a Bible study on Women walking by Faith this coming week. The enemy knows how to distract us. Speaking of this study... I would really like to do this with you guys but I didn't do the first one. Will that matter??

Continue to pour your heart out to the Father. He loves you and your daughter. Continue to confess your faith to Him.

With love and prayers,
Lynn

Naomi said...

Prayers for you and Alyssa and the Sweet Baby. Such a powerful poem, Lelia - reminded me of the God Tube video clip of the fight Jesus fought for that girl in that most poignant of song/drama that you showed a little while back. Alyssa must be feeling so tormented at the moment; but as her Mama's fervently praying and is joined by hundreds in prayer around the world, Jesus has already leapt from His thrown and brightened the Heavens, backing Satan into the corner, soon to slither back into the pit. Big hugs to you. Your Sister in Christ, Naomi

Paula (SweetPea) said...

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and heavy on my heart. PPD could be an issue or major guilt or she could be building a very thick and tall wall in which she cannot "see" or "feel" anything. I believe my beloved who is a longtime, faithful Christian to have done this as unbelievable as it seems, it unfortunately happens.

Keep looking Up!
Love you,
Paula
PS. I just had to laugh when you said: God did not jump out of His throne, hit the red panic button on the wall and ask the angels "What do we do now?"

Not sure why but that struck my funny bone and still does. In the midst of horrific pain I still hear humor in your written word.

Rachelle said...

So sorry for what you are going through right now, but such powerful words you write. Will be praying for you all.

Cheryl said...

Lelia,

I came back tonight to check out your blog some and to say "thanks" for visiting my blog.

I'll pray for Alyssa and your family.

I don't know Alyssa's situation with the Amiyah's absent dad. We all want to be loved and she is at such a tender age and then you add her hormone changes.

Unfortunately when you are in a situation like that it is hard to see or maybe admit how this person is.

My prayer is that Alyssa's eyes will be opened to the situation very soon, but also that she will realize his behavior is not acceptable and she has more respect for herself.

I'm blessed to see you are giving Alyssa to God to handle. Amazing in times like this.

Cheryl

KCAimee said...

I'm a first time visitor to your blog...I came over from Kelley at Aroma of Joy. I feel compelled to comment because I'm always very open about my experience with PPD when my 1st son was 6 weeks old in hopes that I can give hope or help to others who may be in a similar situation. If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them as honestly as possible. I will pray for Alyssa and your family.

God Chaser said...

You are in my prayers. continue to trust in the Lord because He has this as you well know. God blesse

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

Lelia, I was praying for you, your daughter, your family this morning. We know God allows things for a reason and being the type of person I am, I was reasoning this out. The thought came to me..."this is just another chapter in Lelia's book" and my friend it is. God has ordained you to write about your life and the life of your daughter and someday, another mother, another daughter walking in the shoes you guys are in now will read the words God gives you and find answers to allow them to walk the journey in a more healthy way. Keep your eyes focused on Him in all of this.
I prayed God would not only protect your heart from satans evil but that He would give you wisdom also. As painful as this is friend-log it...God plans to use this too and I know your heart's desire is to be used by Him.
I am praying hard for you, your daughter and your family.
Love you~Pamela

Sheryl said...

I don't even begin to think I understand what you must be feeling! Your faith is amazing. You are so right, this did not take God by surprise and His eyes haven't left your daughter even for a second!! Please know that I am praying. For you, for your daughter, for God to show Himself in such a big way!!

Love,
Sheryl

KCAimee said...

BTW - I didn't mean to imply with my earlier comment that Alyssa IS suffering from PPD (bcuz how in the world could I know that from a couple of posts). I just wanted to let you know that if you wonder about what it looks like, the treatment, etc., I am a willing and open person who will provide you with an Christian, experiential and research-based response. When I became a new Mom, I cruised along just fine (sort of) until for whatever reason, I just broke at 6 weeks.

Whatever the issues (demons) are that Alyssa is struggling with, I have been praying for her, Amiyah and your family since reading your blog for the first time last night. I haven't blog-surfed in a long time but I think the Lord brought me to yours last night for a reason. I don't take that lightly and will keep your daughter covered in as many prayers as I can manage with two active boys underfoot.

Tami Boesiger said...

Oh, Lelia,

My heart breaks for you. I pray God will make Himself unmistakably known to Alyssa and sustained you and your family as you wait.

"So do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Linger close to the heart of God during these days. Linger close the window. My daddy did for me, and when he saw me...a long way off...he came to meet me with a reach that extended far and wide and long and deep. I've known the heart of a prodigal. I've lived it.

I'm sorry for your pain, Lelia. I'm sorry for your daughter's. These concerns are meant for the redeeming work of the cross. I'm laying them there this day.

peace~elaine

Jamie said...

Still praying.

Michelle said...

Lelia, I haven't been online in a couple days. I'm so sorry you are facing this, but so glad God is in control. I will keep you, Alyssa and your family in my prayers.

Renee Swope said...

Okay, in advance I apologize for this long comment. I have been praying and just want to let God write what is on my heart for you.

Redeeming love - that is my prayer for precious Alyssa. You my precious Lelia are doing just what God wants by letting go so He can love her. You know the longing for love that drives us to search for someone who will want us, someone who will say with even just a glance you are wanted. You know that you have that love for her, but she is not looking for her mother's love. She is looking for love that will give His life to confirm her worth, and she will find that Love eventually. He's right there waiting for her to turn around and see Him. He is waiting to offer His Redeeming love.

I wish that being satisfied by the love of God would not have been so hard when I was young. We want to be held, to be touched, to be told how very precious we are. I didn't know that love until the end of my dark road came to an end. I had looked for that love in the darkest places. I heard the whispers of deceit that lure me into doubt, lies, shame and fear. I felt the loneliness of not being known or understood completely. And yet all that searching and hurting and wandering and fear made the reality of God's unfailing love so real to me when I opened my heart and my arms to receive it.

Sweet Alyssa, if you read this, please know how much you are loved. Please know how precious you are to the Father's heart. Please believe that you have nothing to fear, to run from, to be ashamed of. God has created you for a purpose and He is right there waiting to pour His love into your heart so you can then have something to pour out.Be real with Him, with yourself and with your mom about where you are and what you are feeling. It's going to be okay.

We all love you and are praying for you girl. You have got God's fingerprints of love all over your heart.

Here is what God has laid on my heart to pray for you..

1 But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you... he who formed you...: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters,I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned;the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,and because I love you,...

18 "Forget the former things;do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Prayers and blessings from NC,
Renee

Cheryl said...

Lelia,

I just wanted you to know whenever you come back to the computer that I'm praying for you.

Spending time just leaning on our Lord is great and such a powerful message to all who read this.

I'm putting a link here for a 9 minute video of Hillsong. They are talking about their song "Healer."

I hope this touches you and maybe Alyssa can look at it sometime. He is indeed the "Great Healer."

On my knees,
Cheryl

Cheryl said...

Leila,

Sorry, I didn't put the link on the above. My hands work faster than my brain some days!

Here is the link:

http://www.hillsong.com/music/product.php?xProd=4603&xSec=796

Cheryl

Kim said...

Oh Lelia~
I'm SO very sorry to hear about what is going on...but you are SO right....this didn't surprise God.

I'm on my knees....earnestly seeking the throne for both you, and your sweet...sweet....daughter.

Oh sweet friend....know that MANY care, and are praying!!!!!

Keep us posted when you can.

Kim~

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Lifting all of you in prayer, knowing that God is still in control...
Praying your strength in the Lord will be magnified and your faith ever strong during this time.

~Beth~

nothingcanseparateme said...

Lelia,

I have been away for the weekend and have been praying for Alyssa and your family while I was away.

My prayers will continue--hang on to the truths that you know and believe in.

many hugs,
Kim

Amy L Brooke said...

I am continuing to pray for you.

LynnSC said...

Lelia,
I just wanted to check back in and see if there was a new update. You and your sweet daughter have been on my mind so many times over the last couple days. Continue to cling to God and wait on His timing. As hard as it is... His timing is best.

Know that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted... that is you and your sweet daughter. Hold on my sweet new friend.
Lynn

valerie said...

Lelia,
It's Sunday night and I'm just now catching up on reading my blogs.
You and your family are in my prayers this very minute. I am praying that someone very special...someone with wisdom will come into Alyssa's life to minister to her while she's away from home. I'm praying a hedge of protection for her and praying that she will realize how very special she is to you all and mostly to God.
You have been an encouraging friend and an inspiration to me, Lelia. I am so thankful to have the privilege to pray for you right now in your time of need. God has some huge things in store for Alyssa and this little one.
We serve a huge God and a faithful God. NOTHING is too hard for Him.
Bless you and know that lots of prayers are going up in your behalf.
Love you!
Valerie