Lately, Alyssa's taste in TV viewing has changed from shows like Desperate Housewives to documentary programs that show moms having babies. The other morning while watching a young lady in labor, she asked, "Mom, do contractions hurt?" As I took a 30 second stroll down memory lane, my body recalled the painful, excruciating, hard contractions I endured during each of the 3 natural births I've had. Coming back to reality, I just smiled sweetly at her and with a twinkle in my eye said,
When society looks at a teen mom, one thing that is not seen is innocence. When their name appears on a baby's birth certificate before it appears on a high school diploma, innocence is not even in the picture. All innocence once possessed by this child seems to have been lost and replaced by rebellion instead. And yet as I stood in my kitchen, my young pregnant daughter showed me that she still has some innocence left in her.
As Alyssa heads into unknown territory and begins the last 3 months of her pregnancy, I thank God what He showed me tonight as I thought more about the contraction question she asked the other morning. He gave me a look into my teenagers heart under a different light as He spoke to me her unspoken needs. Guess it's His way of showing me how much she needs her mom as she soon becomes one. When I look at this beautiful, soon to be teen mom, I see so much more than society could ever see.
I see tears of fear fall from her beautiful green eyes as she cries herself to sleep because she knows she's rushed motherhood. I see a mom's pride in her smile when she lovingly studies the ultrasound pictures. I hear a testimony when she says having an abortion was an option she never considered. I witness strength when I see her get up every morning and go to school determined to graduate early in January instead of June. I hear love as she describes the sound of her baby's heartbeat over the phone to her friends after a doctor's appointment. I feel hope as she places my hand on her tummy to feel her baby girl kick.
One thing I've repeatedly asked God for since August 16th when we found out of her pregnancy, is grace. Lord, teach me how to show it to her. Through You, let me be it to her. There is 4 minutes between classes at her school. Somehow in that time frame which adds up to only 20 minutes a day, she is ruthlessly the target of ridicule by bored people. She keeps a lot of stuff inside, so I have no idea of the extent of the garbage she sees, hears, or feels at school, but at the end of her day when she walks through the door of our home, does she see grace in the way I smile at her? Does she hear grace in how I talk to her? Does she feel grace in my hugs? Is the walk to her bedroom any different than the walk to her next class at school?
I may not be able to protect her from the words she hears at school or how society views pregnant teens, but through Christ I can extend the grace to my daughter that she needs. I have seen so many displays of love & grace to my daughter over the last four months.
As together as Alyssa may try to appear, I know that I have a young, scared teen under my roof. A teen who wants to be signing up for college classes instead of Lamaze classes. A teen who wants to go shopping with her friends at the teen clothing stores instead of with her mom at the maternity store. A teen who wants to be going to basketball practice after school instead of work. A teen who has wondered out loud if she'll ever be worthy enough for some man to want to marry. A teen who just wants to go back to the days of having only one Mom in our home.
Yes, baby, but you were worth it all!
Thank you so much for my beautiful daughter Lord. I am beyond blessed to be her Mom.