Saturday, June 26, 2010

Walking down the aisle

11 years ago today I walked down the aisle toward Gene as a single mom. 
20 minutes later, I walked back down the aisle holding his hand as his wife. 
I loved every bit of our wedding day and honeymoon. 
I wish I could say I've loved every bit of the last 11 years, but there's not one couple that could say that about their marriage. Life is hard and there are going to be trials in every union, but when we have God to lean on it can make it a lot more worth it. 

There are many "aisles" we walk down in our life and say "I do" to. Sometimes we walk alone and sometimes hand in  hand with someone else. Sometimes when we get to the end, we're filled with joy, like I was on the day Gene and I exchanged our vows. And then there's sometimes the path I have chosen to walk down has left me with regret to what I've said "I do" to.
Like when I walked into the abortion clinic alone. And I walked out empty and scared. And years later still find myself with a huge hole in my heart and a regret I can't even explain. And knowing that I can't "undo" this horrible decision makes me heartsick to this day. 

So that is one of the reasons why I chose to do the book 
Surrendering the Secret 
for the next Yes to God study starting on Tuesday, July 6th

 Tuesday, July 6th will be the first day of discussing chapter 1 of  the summer Yes to God study being led by not just myself, but also Jennifer who has a passion for post-abortion women. Click here to read Jen's latest blog post called Out of the Darkness, which is so beautiful.  

Hopefully, you've never made this choice, but if you have it would be wonderful if you could join us. Or, if you know of anyone who has made the choice to abort their baby, please let them know about this on line blog study that they can join in from the comfort of their own home. 
*They don't have to have a blog to read the posts every Tuesday.
*They never have to leave a comment if they don't want to.
*If they want to leave a comment, they can do it under "Anonymous" if they wish to remain unknown. 

I hope and pray this will be a time of healing from the Lord for all that participate in this study because the death of a child at  your own hands...Lord have mercy, it's something you get through, but never over.
Click here to order your book today to join us and make sure you order the LeaRner Guide NOT the LeaDer Guide. Any questions about the study, since she leads groups in her church with this book, please contact Jennifer at

This video is so powerful, I hope you take a few minutes to watch it. It's a young man who wrote a song about his mother when she was 17 and almost aborted him. My Dad, who has always been so strongly against abortion loved this video when it first came out. It is also our 8 year old Alivia's favorite video; watch it and you'll see why. I hope you're blessed. 

Monday, June 21, 2010

So long Dumbo

FACT: An elephant calf is around 250 pounds or 115 kgs in weight when born.

I know what you're do you know this Lelia?

Well, after many verbalized plans to lose my unwanted weight by my 40th birthday in October, only to daily sabotage my efforts by indulging in a huge bowl of ice cream sin, my 16 year old son Aaron has had enough. And so yesterday, he sweetly informed  me that I weigh as much as a baby elephant. Aaron is much like his dad as he retains facts that normal people don't know. So, a little taken aback, I asked how much those things weigh and when he said 250, I argued that I do not weigh that much, which he came back with: "Fine Mom, you're a preemie elephant".

Gene and I were laughing, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized two things:
1.) I don't want to be compared to a baby elephant.
2.) How often I show my kids the picture of failure.

Really, I do. I set goals and never accomplish them.
What is that called? Insanity?
You've probably heard the definition of that before: Doing the same thing, expecting different results.

So, how does one get beyond herself and try something different? Something that will work?
Last night I was thinking about it and the one thing that instantly came to my mind is in the book of the Bible known for it's wisdom...
Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, 
       and your plans will succeed.

So, this morning I woke up and committed my day to the Lord. I asked Him to help me make good choices in my thought life, my usage of words and I also asked Him to guide me through my exercise and eating choices.

I can make all the goals and plans I want to, but bottom line is, if I don't include the Lord, which I haven't up to this point, I will NEVER find success.

Baby elephant...your days are numbered!

Do you have anything in your life that you continuously failed at 
UNTIL you gave it the Lord 
and through Him you finally found success? 
Oh, please share...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Back again to surrender

It's Saturday morning and when I pull up my computer I get the latest Yahoo news. 
One of the stories that caught my eye tells of a 16 year old girl from California 
who was rescued at sea last week.
Her parent approved attempt to sail around the world alone non-stop was interrupted by the weather.
Family spokesman, Jeff Casher said her vessel was so badly damaged, her attempt to circle the globe was over. "This is the end of the dream. There's no boat to sail," he said.

Many times in our lives we do things on our own, without God and we fail miserably. 
We make choices that can't be undone and we have to live with the consequences of those choices for the rest of our lives. 
And often, instead of allowing God to restore us and be the undeniable center in and of our lives, we believe that our vessels are so badly damaged that any attempt to live for God is impossible. 
And so our journey of being a woman that says Yes to God is interrupted all because we swallow every bite of lies our enemy spoon feeds us that this is the end and there's no boat to sail. 

But what if we stopped believing the smooth talking father of lies and took God at His own Word? 
What if we accepted His offer of grace and forgiveness and made Him the Captain of our wrecked lives? 

I have taken a break from hosting blog book/Bible studies, but now feel the time is right to do another book.
The book chosen for this next study won't be for all of us. 
And honestly, I hope you won't have any reason to join me in this study. 
I hope it's one thing we don't ever have in common. 

The subject matter is one that if we are against it, it is okay make a sign,stand on the corner and let others know your strong beliefs. 
But if you have done it, shame on you and to avoid judgement just keep it quiet and just move on. 

The problem I have with keeping it quiet is that how the heck are we supposed let God use us to help others who may be leaning toward making the same choice you did? 
Because what if our testimony is what gets them to change their mind and choose life over death?

So July 6th I welcome back YES to GOD Tuesday's
 where we meet here every Tuesday to discuss a book 
and the next study is...
a book by author and speaker 

Recently, two young ladies I know made a choice.
Miles apart in different states both were pregnant. 
One I didn't know of her pregnancy until later, one I knew of right away.
One chooses to end life and now cannot bear the consequences of her choice. 
The other one is leaning toward the same choice. 
The one who chose to end life messages the other not to do this and shares her story. 
The mother of the pregnant young lady tells me, "I am desperate to save this baby".
On behalf of her desperation to save her grandchild, the throne room was flooded with prayers 
from all over the country.
Truth of after-horror is shared from women who aborted with the young lady still pregnant.  
Hoping something said would change her mind and heart.

And our God.
He was not unmoved. 
Not by the young lady who chose to abort and now cries to her Savior 
and not by those interceding for the baby still alive.
The pregnant one has made her choice.
She will start off 2011 with changing the diapers of her little one!
And the one left with regret praises God alongside other post-abortion women 
all wishing they had made the choice of life.

Please know that I am not telling you to stand up in church on Sunday and say, 
"Hello, I am So and So and I had an abortion".
But what I do encourage you to do is allow God to use your choice of regret 
to glorify Him instead letting Satan shame you. 
Over and over again.
Perhaps joining this study is exactly where God wants His work to begin in you.
The young lady who aborted never knew my story.
But what if she had...would she have shared with me her fears and 
by hearing of my regret, not made the same choice that I did? 

Here is a description of the book from the author's website:
Many women hide the secret of abortion deep in their hearts, and they are suffering severe consequences. They carry a great burden of shame and failure afraid to reveal their hidden pain, and by doing so are forced to endure the long-lasting effects in isolation. Surrendering the Secret will allow women to release this burden and find freedom through 'redemptive community' while experiencing hope and joy as shame and failure are replaced with beauty.

I will not be leading this study alone. 
I asked my friend Jennifer, author of the blog Spirit of the Truth to join me because her passion for post abortion women is such a threat to the kingdom of darkness. 
She has led many groups through this book in person and at the time of asking her I had no idea of that.
But God knew exactly who we need to help us through this journey.
Learn more about Jennifer here in a very touching blog post called LifeSong.
What I didn't know until after she said "yes", is that she works for the ministry of the author of this book!
Before I e-mailed Jennifer, I had e-mailed Pat asking if she thought this was a book appropriate to do as a blog study or if it had to be done in a group setting in person. 
She said it has never been done before on a blog before but that she thought it was a great idea.
We have her blessing and prayers and she is very excited about it. 

What I love about a blog study is you can participate from the comfort of your own home. 
You can join in and if you have something you want to share except for your identity then you can sign in under "ANONYMOUS" and nobody will have a clue to who you are except your Creator.
If you have any questions regarding a YES to GOD study, on the right side of my blog there is a square button you can push that has all the answer's to FAQ's you can think of. 
Unlike the other studies I've hosted there will not be a sign up for this study.  

Please think about joining Jennifer and I for study and discussion of one chapter each week of 
Pat Layton's book 
Surrendering the Secret. 

Meet here Tuesday, July 6th and have chapter 1 read and ready to discuss.
Invite anyone to join that you know has been down this road before. 
Let your women's ministry at church know. 
You do not have to have a blog to join in.
You never have to join the discussion if you don't feel comfortable. 
But if this study will help you or someone you know please join us.
And watch the message below from Pat Layton and other post-abortion women.

To order your book, click here so you can join us with 
chapter 1 on JULY 6th!

If you need to e-mail me with any questions, you can do so at or if you have specific questions regarding the study since she is a leader and is familiar with it, please contact Jennifer at