1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Last night the lion feasted on my teenage daughter and so I'm doing whatever it takes to save the life of my child. I'm praying. At 3:30 in the morning not knowing the location of her I was changing the diaper of her sleeping 2 month old and literally hit my knees. I was against the changing table with my hands reaching up and lying on Amiyah's tummy and as she slept I was kneeling and crying out to God. The only One who can truly see into my heart.
Without going into too much detail I am asking for prayer. Prayer for this teen mom who I have no doubt adores and loves her precious 2 month old Amiyah. A teen mom who wants it to work with the absent dad. A teen mom who can't see the blessing of his voluntary absence because of his lack of love for this baby and herself. A teen mom who is hurting because he is paying attention to the baby girl born to him 3 months before Amiyah entered the world. A teen mom who doesn't get that she is living with a woman who has been in her shoes before.
My heart aches so much for her. So much emotion has poured through me throughout the night, morning hours and today. I hurt for her. I want to fix it and make it all better and yet I feel so strongly that I need to step back and allow God to let her get to the bottom.
Lelia, how can she reach up to Me if you're always picking her up?
But Lord she's my daughter and I want to rescue her from this mess.
She's my daughter too Lelia and I want to be her Hero.
So much pain and yet I feel so much hope. How? Because I believe that I serve a God that is looking down in Lincoln, Nebraska at a teen mom that is desperate for affection and love and He is just waiting for her to give Him the green light. Waiting for His prodigal daughter to utter the words that her heart aches to express "Father I need You" so He can give her the welcome back party of her life.
A control freak by nature I have decided that I am giving this to God and not crawling back up to the foot of the cross when I think He's not looking to take it back. I get in His way so often that I need to give Him the room to be noticed by her.
Rock bottom of a pit is the worst place to be. I know. I've lived there. It's full of despair and offers such hopeless feelings. I know that is where my daughter is and all I can do is walk away from the pit. What's hard is I am within earshot and can see the pain in her face and tears. I can hear the desperation in her voice. So on my knees I fight against this hungry lion.
I pray she begs God to help her. My heart wants to run over to the pit, lay on my stomach and extend my arms to her and with all my might pull her up out of it. But I can't. I'm not saying there won't be any discipline, but I will not fix this.
If anyone is going to pull my daughter out of this pit, her hands will be grasping the scarred hands of her Savior. Her Hero.
Jesus, I step back out of your way.
Do your thing within in my daughter.
Throughout Alyssa's pregnancy I have asked God to show me and teach me how to pour grace over her head. Click here to read that story. I am showing grace in this situation by letting God be in control, then if she misses what He has for her it won't be because of my interference.
She won't answer her phone, but she texted me not long ago and asked, "What's going to happen to me?" I have not answered her because I have no idea what God is going to do. I know she's not talking about that but I once heard a speaker read
May God arise, may his enemies be scattered
After she read it, she said what that is saying is:
God is about to get up!
Arise Lord! ARISE!
A few days after returning from She Speaks where God just filled me up, it was no surprise to Him what I'd be coming home to. I feel prepared for this battle that my dear friend Kelley, who is going through her own stuff reminded me of is that the battle is not mine, but God's. Between Lysa and Renee's talks at the conference I feel God has prepared my heart. Saturday night Renee shared about standing in the shadow of the cross and how sometimes God allows us to get to painful places. We were given cards with verses and a word on it.
Mine was ABLE with the verse Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer he enables me to go on the heights. With God, I am able to get through this and shower my daughter with the grace she needs right now. What timing God has, doesn't He?
Another friend I met at the conference, Amy, is also going through a battle and is also determined to stay focused on the King. This enemy we have ladies is real. Let's be alert as we are warned to be.
Did I mention today is my anniversary? I wouldn't want to be on this journey chasing God with any other man. I love you Gene. Let's have Blessed Anniversary! xoxo