Before I share this, I just want to say that anything I share on this blog about my family, especially my daughter Alyssa, I ask permission first.
Toward the end of Alyssa's pregnancy with Juliana Pearl she was ready to get this precious gift out of her, as most women 9 months pregnant express. So, she went walking and when that didn't work for her, she went to the internet.
She googled her desire and announced to me that she would be having her baby the next day.
"Really. And just how are you going to do this?" I had to ask.
"I'm going to the store to buy castor oil and orange juice and I'm going to mix them together and drink a cup of it. That will start my labor going," she said with much confidence.
"Alyssa, that's gross and it's not going to work." I stated.
"Yes, Mom it will and I'm gonna do it."
She text me later to tell me that she felt sick.
Text me again...I just threw up.
Text me again...I feel really sick.
A few days later, my girl realized that she had bought canola oil instead of castor and drank a cup of it.
Either one would be gross and prove to be just an old wives' tale.
Drinking the wrong thing caused her to be in pain alright, but not labor pain.
Drinking the wrong thing caused her to hold on to a toilet bowl instead of hold on to a baby like she wanted to.
About 3 weeks later, Miss Juliana Pearl arrived.
Without the help of any oils.
Alyssa and I were just talking about this last week and we got to laughing about it.
I told her that sometimes we do this with God.
We try to rush things and not wait on Him and we drink our own cocktail instead of what He wants us to swallow.
Such as the Living Water He offers us.
And we become nauseous.
We can't keep stuff down.
And then we realize that it was our own word instead of His Word that we followed.
Then we really feel sick.
Sick at the thought of what we have missed out.
Castor...canola...our own agenda and it never gets us what we want or need.
Right now I cannot describe what God is doing in my life. Like I shared in the last post, for the first time in over a year, I backed out of doing the YES to GOD blog study even though being in the middle of it.
I'm doing this incredible Bible study by Beth Moore called Jesus: The One and Only and I have to share with you something from it.
This is what Beth wrote that just got me...
I just want to be about God.
Not about ministry.
Not about my own agenda.
Not about writing Bible studies.
Not about me at all.
When all is said and done, I would give my life for people to be able to say,
"She was just about God."
I'm pretty good with words and I tell you I struggle with trying to express what is happening in my heart right now. These last 2 years in my life alot has happened with people I love. A chunk of it I have shared in my blog posts. And some of it, like Mary, I have treasured in my heart.
It has been a season of growth.
A season of crying out to God.
A season of being upset with God.
A season of praying myself to sleep.
A season of 2 steps forward and 10 steps back.
A season of letting go.
A season of enforced boundaries.
A season of forgiveness.
A season of learning responsibility with the gifts God has given to me.
A season of learning to love.
A season of silence.
A season of feeling sorry for myself.
A season of realizing it isn't about me, but all about Him.
A season of trusting God more than myself.
A season of encouragment.
A season of tears, laughter, anger, joy, confusion and a-ha moments.
A season of gain, loss, falling pride and rising faith.
A season of reaching for Jesus and never being disappointed.
A season of trying to do the Christian walk on my own only to fall.
A season of being helped up by the One who gets up off His throne to reach for me.
A season of being witness to Charity, a young Mom pass from death to eternal life.
A season of trial and error.
A season of trial.
This morning I just finished reading a novel and there is a line in it that I really love:
HUMBLE WILLINGNESS: An attitude before God.
Hmmm...that is what I must have in order to draw nearer to Him and in turn He will draw closer to me.
Because I want more.
More of Him.
More seasons with my Savior.
I have been so weepy in my time alone with Him, especially last night just merely thinking of Jesus.
I want more of Him and yet I know what I ask for I am not capable of being able to handle.
All I know is that I'm tired and just want to seek Him like never before.
I want to be like Moses and refuse to take one more step without Him going with me.
Leading me. Taking me. Trusting me. Blessing me.
Following Him. Being taken. Trusting Him. Blessing Him with my life.
I want Him.
The King of all Kings.
Prince of Peace.
The One that Charity paused in her battle with cancer long enough to say yes to and has now added pink to heaven's walls while she tirelessly worships her Creator.
The most recent CD Alivia picked out is Cece Winans Thy Kingdom Come. We love it.
The song called Waging War really got to me tonight and so I want to share it with you.
Listen closely to the words.
Because, bottom line is the world we live in is being run by our enemy...the prince of the world.
The Message Bible describes Satan in John 14 as being the chief of this godless world.
I am sick and tired of giving the chief too much freedom in my life. Over my kids, in my marriage. There is no way I would open my front door to a thief and tell him to come in and take what he wants from us. I wouldn't stand still and just watch the enemy interfere in my marriage.
I wouldn't watch the thief punch my son in the gut with rap music that has to have a parent advisory sticker slapped on the outside of the cd case. I wouldn't stand in my daughter's doorway to her bedroom as the enemy tried to convince her to believe the lies of this world.
And yet when I try to run things Lelia-style, that is exactly what I am doing and I'm tired.
Tired of the enemy and tired of not letting God have His way with me like He tells me He wants to in
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
I find the overwhelming need and desire to just be about God.
I don't want to be defined by what I write on this blog.
I don't want to tell God the plans I have for me, instead I want to follow the ones that He has for me.
Less of me...more of Him.
I just want to be about God.
If I don't live out my desire to let Christ have His way with me then the legacy I will leave for my kids and my grandchildren will be disastrous.
Alivia can't get enough of this song. I want it to be a song that echoes from her mouth and heart when she is out in the world on her own.
I must get out of His way so He can have His way.
Have your way sweet Jesus.
I mean it.
No more drinking canola oil and orange juice.
She was all about God...
May this be said of each one that humbly seeks Him.