Within His View

In high school I was a bit of a wild child and began to hang out with 2 girls I had known since elementary. Girls that were not wild. One of the girls, Jen, was very blunt and would tell me how her mom did not care for me.



So you can imagine how uncomfortable it was a few years after high school when Jen announced her engagement and asked me to be one of her brides maids. Of course she had to tell me that she really wanted me in her wedding party even though her mom didn't. At this point in life I was a single mom and was still a bit of a wild child.



Over the years Jen and I became distant, but would talk a few times a year and send Christmas cards to each other. Soon we both had kids, mortgages and mini-vans. The wild child in me had finally been put to sleep.



Over time as I chose to get closer to God, for some reason Jen's mom would come to my mind. I wanted to have my friend take me to her parents' home so I could have show and tell with her mom Patsy. I wanted to show her I was changed and tell her how I was living my life for Christ, but I never did.



One year during our annual catch up phone calls, Jen shared with me how her mom was in remission for cancer. Then a few years ago she told me that her mom's cancer had returned with a vengeance leaving her with little time left. Jen is an RN and said that the family had accepted her mom's lack of time left on earth and were all doing their part so that she could die at home. Along with her Dad and her sister they were all taking care of Patsy.



I called a few days later to see how my friend was doing and the confident caretaker I had spoken to only days earlier was a crying mess. Her mom had taken a sudden turn that no matter how much nursing you do you're never prepared when the patient is your loved one.



I told her that if they needed rest to call me since I had done hospice care for over 15 years and I offered to spend the night too. Much to my surprise, she accepted my offer and that night I stayed at her parents home.


Her dad welcomed me and expressed how blessed he felt to have help and get some needed rest. Jen's sister showed me where everything was and went home to sleep in her own bed. So there I was, just me and Patsy. The woman who I knew hated me based on what my friend had told me over the years.


I remember thinking, Did they tell her I was coming? What if they didn't, is she going to ask me to leave? What am I doing here?


I nervously sat in a chair next to her bed trying to read a book. I kept glancing at her out of the corner of my eye watching for her to wake up. Her breathing was very labored though so I wasn't sure if she would make it to see the break of dawn.


Then she woke up. No heavy breathing, but instead completely alert and awake.

Hi Patsy. It's Lea (the name I was called as a kid).


Yes, I know. Jennie told me you were coming tonight. How are you?

Good.


Are you married?


Yes, his name is Gene. He's wonderful.


Kids?


Yes, three. Alyssa is 15, Aaron is 11 and Alivia is 4.


I asked her if she wanted anything to drink and she did.

Then, suddenly, the Holy Spirit put something so strong on my heart that instantly tears filled my eyes.


I took Patsy's hand and said, "For all these years I thought you hated me, but right at this moment God let me know it was never me that you hated, it was my actions."


She nodded and tears began to fall down her face too. The years of unspoken tension between us was completely gone within a moment. Although she lay dying from cancer, we both experienced healing that night. It was so awesome. We even exchanged I love you's. We laughed, cried and talked until she went back to sleep. That would be the last time we'd ever talk or see eachother here on earth. A few days later Patsy went to sleep and woke up to see Jesus' face up close. What a beautiful awakening she must have had.



I realized that November night just how much Jesus loves His children. He knew if I would have received the phone call from Jen telling me of her mother's death I would've regretted never contacting her. I don't know why, but it was something that God knew bothered me over the years. It wasn't something that constantly rolled over in my mind, but when it surfaced it just bugged me. I had told Gene about it before, but only God could arrange for me to be one of Patsy's caretakers on her death bed. Only God. What a hug He gave me that night.




I was given the gift of sweet time to share with Patsy how I am now living for Christ. She was thrilled. Maybe the things she had said about me to her daughter was not handled the right way, but as a mother I know the desire to want your child around people that are Godly and I was far from that at that time in my life. It was a night of understanding. I understood mother to mother what Patsy was thinking, but greater than that I understood that God was paying attention to me. One of many of His children.


I don't know if you've ever felt like just a face in the crowd, but you're not. God knows you better than you know yourself. Why wouldn't He though? He planned you out, created you and adores you.

I'll never forget that night Lord. The night You let me know that this face in the crowd captures the attention of the Son of God. Seen, heard and deeply cared for by what Peter called the Chief Shepherd. You really know everything about your sheep and you tend to us like no other.


Know that He is so aware of you inside and out and He is proud to call you His. When the world can make you feel like nothing, believe that the Almighty One sees you and is intently paying close attention to your every breath.


~Many Blessings~
Lelia