My mind seems so cluttered though and I'm a little more lost than normal. This week my 7year old daughter showed grace to me. So undeserved and yet extended without a hint of hesitation.
Tuesday, the day Grandma was taken to ER by ambulance while Gene and I were in Omaha with his surgeon, was a day that my 7 year old was oblivious to the stress pressing in on the adults in her family. All she knew in her world was that Tuesday night was SKATE NIGHT for her school.
When she got home from school I told her the news about her Great Grandma and she couldn't wait to go see her. Returning home I cooked dinner while Alivia made a Get Well poster to hang in Grandma's hospital room. She scarfed down spaghetti and garlic bread and we drove the 4 blocks to the hospital to drop the sign off. The plan was to give Grandma the sign, accompanied by hugs and kisses, then off to Skate Zone for an hour of fun on wheels.
Walking to the room we saw all of our family members outside in the hall. The nurses were busy with Grandma so we had a little bit of a wait. Once we were let in her room, Alivia proceeded with our plan then off we went.
We got the skates on and I said "Now get out there, you have 45 minutes to skate!" She rolled herself out onto the floor while being greeted by her excited classmates. Then that's when the guy behind the booth said, "Okay students, we have 2 more songs left."
Two songs left? That's when I asked the mom next to me, "Does this end at 8?"
"Yes" she replied.
"Oh, I thought it was 6:30 to 8:30". I said
Feeling my pain, she said, "No it was 6 to 8".
My girl would had 15 minutes to skate.
Tears filled my eyes as I watched her pattern of skating, falling, laughing, rising over and over again. "How could I have messed this up?" I harshly interrogated myself.
The next time she was close enough, I motioned for her to come to me and she rolled herself up to the wall. I said, "Alivia, Mommy messed up. I thought your party got done at 8:30 but it gets done in a few minutes at 8 o'clock." This is where I expected instant tears, pouting, gasping...just something to make me feel worse. Instead I got a gorgeous smile and "That's okay Mom at least I got to skate". That's when Elizabeth rolled up and I snapped this picture of them together.
Walking to the car, hand in hand, I thanked her for showing Mommy grace tonight. "Grace? Gracie? She's here?" she said looking around the parking lot. Grace would be my sister's dog.
We decided to go for a snack and while sitting at the Target cafe licking an ice cream cone I took the alone time with her to explain what showing grace meant. That is when she took advantage of our alone girls time together to do some explainin' of her own.
This conversation is very accurate. While still in a state of shock, the blogger in me took the xerox copy out of my purse of Gene's x-ray of his back done that morning and wrote down our conversation on the blank side of it. You'll see why I wanted to have this as a keepsake.
"Mom, can I say something? " she said between licks of her mint chocolate chip ice cream cone.
"You're not modest. Well, one time you were unmodest."
"Oh, why do you say that?" I asked, a little taken back.
"Because" then she began to whisper (thank God). "You were naked in front of Daddy."
She nodded her head and said, "Tons of times".
"What does modest mean to you?" I figured I better ask this since she thought showing grace was a dog show.
"Modest? Not showing parts of your body, like up here" she said as her hand scanned her chest area, home of her future boobies. Then she squinted her eyes, pointing below her belt and said, "And your private parts. Yah. That's being unmodest. When you show those."
Knowing I should correct her and say immodest, but just couldn't bring myself to correct her I asked, "Ummm, why do you think I've been unmodest with your Daddy?"
"Cuz. I watch you all the time. I have eyes like an eagle."
That's when this beautiful Asian woman came around the corner and my sweet child turns toward me with green ice cream on her chin and says...
"Hey Mom. Just think. If you had Chinese eyes then you'd know Kung Fu and you'd be really cool!"
Leaving Target with my jacket zipped to my chin, I just stared at this child who had one minute shown me grace and then flipped the switch on me and called me out on my immodest behaviors.
I think I subconsciously got her back for calling me unmodest when Wednesday night I dropped her off at acting class at 7:10 thinking we were only 10 minutes late. Luckily I asked the lady on my way out, "Pick up is at 8:30 right?"
"No, eight. Class is from 6:30 to 8."
I just smiled as the tears again stung my eyes "Oh, I thought it was 7 to 8:30."
Perhaps one day Alivia will get the Mom of her dreams...one that is full of purity with beautiful slanted eyes and the ability to kick butt between dropping her kids off places on time. One day.