Jennifer...A Life That Gave Eternity a Reality

In 1989 I was 9 months pregnant with my firstborn, Alyssa. On December 17th I was sitting in the back of the Sunday school class when a young lady stood up in front of everyone crying. She told of a young couple who had been in a car crash Saturday night. The girl asked us to pray for the families of the victims. The young woman had been killed and her boyfriend was in a coma.

So, collectively as a class we prayed for the teenagers and their families. After class, my friend Beth came and hugged me and with tears in her eyes asked me, "You were close friends with Jennifer weren't you?"

"Jennifer who?" I asked her.

"Workman. She was the girl we just prayed for that was killed last night".

I had missed hearing the name of the couple we had prayed for and so I had no idea I was praying for my BFF from junior high and her parents, Bob and Carol.

I remember feeling instantly sick and breaking out in tears as Beth held me.

At that time cell phones were scarce, so I found a land line and called home.

I could barely tell my Mom, but when I finally could, she cried along with me.

On the morning of Saturday, December 16th Jennifer had driven to her childhood home. Her parents have the neatest house and I have many memories stored in my heart from spending nights with Jen.

It was her Mom's 40th birthday that day and Jennifer went to her parents' home. She had told her Mom that she needed to bake goodies for her boyfriend Dana's office Christmas party. Little did Carol know the treats they would make together were actually for her own birthday party. Jennifer had organized a surprise party to take place that evening.

As planned, her Dad took her Mom out for dinner while their house filled up with people Jen knew loved her Mom. A night of laughter, food and great fellowship surrounded the Workman family as they celebrated.

Around 9:45 Jennifer and her boyfriend Dana decided it was time to head back to town to study for the finals they would be taking in college the following week. Jen said her goodbyes to her family and the friends still there and she walked out of her home for what would be the last time.

Less than 2 miles from where Jennifer grew up she would die when her car was hit by a drunk driver.

Instantly Jennifer's life on earth would end.

At just 18 years old.

A week before Christmas.

On her Mom's birthday.

So young.

So beautiful.

So gone.
Such a senseless death caused by a man thinking he needed a few more drinks. When the bartender wouldn't serve him because he had left his license at home, he left his friends at the bar to drive home and get it. Already drunk and behind the wheel of a truck. Mark as we would learn is his name, never made it back to the bar and Jennifer didn't make it home to study with Dana. With just a scratch on his head, he eventually went to trial and served less than a year for ending my friends' precious life. A life worth so much that no amount of time behind bars could equal her value. After 2 weeks in a coma, her boyfriend Dana eventually recovered.

This past December marked 20 years since Jennifer's life ended and April 6th she would have turned 39.

Over the last twenty years I have kept in contact with her parents, wanting them to know I think of her often and will never forget her. She was not only beautiful, but she was funny, caring and so loving. And she loves Jesus.

I have sat many times across a table from Carol while we shared stories, tears and memories of her girl. We have wondered out loud what Jennifer would've been when she grew up, how many grandchildren she would have given them and who she would have married. And we have talked about how Carol has coped through the years of missing her daughter and the only way she has been able to survive this all is because of...

JESUS

Bob and Carol never took their eyes off of Jesus.

When they had to pick out a coffin for her...Jesus.

The first time they stared down at her lifeless body...Jesus.

When they opened the Christmas presents from her a week later...Jesus.

When they picked out her headstone...Jesus.

When they realized it's been 20 years without hearing her laugh...

JESUS

Although their faith was shaken to the core, it never wavered.

They know the Way, the Truth and Who is the Life and they know Jennifer is with Jesus today.

Jennifer is a loss that cut into the hearts of many, but knowing she is with our Savior is what gave us hope. Hope to see her again. Hope on those days Carol's reality was so dark.

He is the One she called out to, cried to and clung to.

God is who her Dad Bob called upon in the middle of the night, father to Father.

He is Who saw and sees them through their days.

That cold December night the driver of the truck caused a crash that took the life of a young lady who had much promise, but his selfish choice didn't take the Promise out of the girl.

When Jesus tells us that He will never leave us, He meant it.

Jennifer died having accepted Jesus in her life as a young girl and because of that choice, she slipped right into the arms of her awaiting Savior.

I have no idea where you are with Jesus Christ.

Perhaps you've had Him in your life since you were a young girl, but you feel distant from Him or maybe you don't know a thing about Him.

If you fit into one of those categories, then read on.

I believe if I could have Jennifer be a guest blogger that this is what she would say:

Jesus Christ is the best choice I ever made.

There is nobody like Him.

There is nothing on earth that could give you the satisfaction that only He can.

The thing with Jesus is that He really loves me and you.

Just look at the way He died.

The cross is so much more than a pendant hanging on a chain around your neck; it's His gift to us.

He gave His life so that we could live.

My life on earth was great, but it does not compare with eternal life with my King.

I love praising Him. I wish you could see His reaction when you pray and when you take the time to praise Him. It's so amazing.

The days you think you are worthless, you should open your Bible to Psalm 45:11...the king is enthralled by your beauty...He adores you enough to have endured the cross.

For 20 years I've had access to being able to fall at His feet.
You have the same access. Fall before Him and just worship Him.

Surrender your life to Him because believe me you do not go unnoticed by Him.

In Jeremiah 29 verse 13 He tells us that you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart and in verse 14 He starts the verse with I will be found by you.

Find Him my friend, for He is the only thing worth seeking.

Trust me in this, I know.

I love what was written in the 84th psalm...

Better is one day in your courts then a thousand elsewhere.

Twenty years ago when I left my parents home, I had no idea I'd meet my Savior just 2 miles down a gravel road.

I hope if your life ends today you have chosen Jesus.

Bottom line is that you will spend your eternity somewhere.

And I can testify that one day with my Savior is better than a thousand somewhere else...even earth.

I am with Jesus...are you?

Love,

Jen

I'm glad Jen knows Jesus.

I'm glad Bob and Carol know Jesus.

Twenty years ago they were put on a path of the unknown.

Every parents' worst nightmare came true for them.

And I must say having watched them walk this path for the last 20 years I have seen much leaning on Jesus.

Their marriage stayed in tact while statistics show when faced with the death of a child, most marriages crumble.

Their love for Jesus grew while some turn their backs on Him out of anger.

During the hardest time of their lives they kept their eyes on Jesus.

And this childhood friend of their daughter noticed every time He was chosen by them.

Missing Jennifer Lee Workman is an understatement, but the knowledge that she chose Jesus while alive on earth makes her death different.

More Surgery

This morning I bent down to pick up this piece of paper lying on the floor in front of the refrigerator. I wondered how it ended up there as it used to be attached to a paper Gene received from his surgeon's office back in October.

This is what it reads:

Please find enclosed a disclosure letter regarding the instrumentation your surgeon may select to use in your back. Please sign the letter and return it in the enclosed envelope. If you have any questions regarding the letter, you may present these to your surgeon at the time of your pre-surgical conference or call the office and request to speak with your surgeon.

So as I was getting ready to have some eggs and bacon, my mind started thinking about this little piece of paper I was about to throw in the garbage and so I re-read it instead of tossing it.

When God makes changes with us in our lives sometimes we don't like the way He goes about doing it. Who He uses or what He uses may not be the way WE would have done things.

But with God, He doesn't do things the way the Nebraska Spine surgeons do.

He doesn't ask our permission to do what He thinks is best in our lives.

He already knows what He wants to do with us and who or what He wants to use to get our attention.

Our pre-conferences with Him is when we choose to kneel down before Him and pray. A time of reaching out in confidence to Him. A time of talking, being quiet and shutting our mouths so we can hear Him.

But if we received a letter from the Almighty One I wonder if it would say something like this....

Please find enclosed a letter, or better known as the Bible, regarding the instrumentation that I, your Surgeon may select to use in your life.

If you have any questions regarding My letter, you may present these to Me at the time of your pre-surgical conference when you humble yourself and call upon My Name.

Request to speak to your Surgeon, child.

For when you seek me with all your heart, I WILL be found.

We need to trust God and what He wants to do in our lives. He knows us better than anyone on this earth will ever be able to and He knows the perfect instruments He needs to use in order for us to experience some real change. Let's believe in Him and allow our Holy Surgeon to open us up and perform some heart surgery on us, shall we? I bet the recovery room post op will be an amazing time of praise and worship!

Have a blessed weekend!

Whole new level of Bed Hog

I took this last night when I checked on the girls.
I have no other words except to nominate Alivia for "The Best Aunt Ever" award.

Let's Encourage One Another, Shall We?

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up,

just as in fact you are doing.

Last week I was in the kitchen cooking with Alivia,

my used-to-be-favorite-8-year-old-in the world.

The TV in the living room was on and there was a commercial from some weight loss place with a woman giving her testimony of how she has changed her life. With much enthusiasm as she dropped her big pants she used to wear to reveal her new small body she said, "I lost a hundred pounds!".

With those dark beautiful eyes in her head, Alivia looked at me and said,

"Mom, you can do that too."

OKAY.

Little.

Girl.

Yes, your Momma needs to lose weight, but not 100 pounds!!!

Ewww, if I dropped a hundred Gene would be married to the Lea Jane...the girl I was in high school.

And people would think I was his daughter because I'd buy all my clothes from the junior section.

And then I would be judged for trying to be a teenager by all the grown up acting Mom's at Alivia's school.

So.

To save myself from any ribs showing and causing other Mom's to stumble from being jealous, I refuse to drop 3 digits.

Double digits, definitely, but trying to fit into my acid washed jeans from '88...neva.

Bless her confused little heart. Took me back to when I read her journal entry titled "My Mom" where she so lovingly described me in two words: white and thick.

Oh my.

Anyway, if she hadn't been so sweet and sincere, I would've crossed her name off all my gift lists for 2010 because of her twisted encouragement. Instead, I'm going to be more holy and mature than that and she is not coming out of her room until she has the verse above out of Thessalonians memorized.

Okay...I need your help, but only if God prompts you to do so.

Awhile back, I received this email:

Hello, My name is Nancy. I live in NC and just recently retired at the age of 62. I have arthritis in my hands and had to retire early. I have been peeking at your blog for some time now and you really inspire me. I was wondering if you had any Bible studies or books you would like to get rid of. I am starting a "closer walk with Thee" and I need all the help I can get. Please let me hear from you.

Nancy in NC

I have been in contact with Nancy and I have some books set aside to send her, but I wanted to include you in on this. If you feel led to send Nancy some books, a book, a devotional, whatever God puts on your heart if anything, can you please email me at chealey5@yahoo.com

I know how it is to want more of God, but unsure of what to read or do. So, I want to help this Sister of Christ of ours out. If you are unable to send anything, please keep Nancy in North Carolina in your prayers OR leave her a word of encouragement in the comments below and I'll forward them to her.

You all are such wonderful women of the Lord and I thank God we have crossed paths in such an usual way, via blogging.

Have a blessed Monday!

Dogs stay, husband goes

Last night on yahoo news, the title of an article caught my eye,

"The lady who swapped her husband for 10 dogs".

Say what?

Here is the subtitle of the article:

10 years ago a Singapore lady gave up her marriage for 10 stray dogs.

Now she has more than 200, and doesn't regret her decision at all.

The more I read about this woman, the more disbelief surrounded me.

I just finished reading Completely His by Shannon Ethridge. Amazing book. One thing she teaches about is how when we have Jesus in our heart, we are the bride of Christ.

Shannon points things out in this book about that role we take on that kept my attention captive, such as this,

"We are all invited into an intimate love relationship with Jesus, regardless of our heritage, our social status, or our gender.

All that is required is that we submit to Him as our heavenly Bridegroom and love Him with a bridal love".

She also points out that before we said yes to God, He knew we'd be unfaithful to Him.

"It's hard to imagine that a groom would commit himself to an unfaithful bride, but this is exactly what God has done with you and me".

The lady in the article mentioned above gave up her marriage for her love of stray dogs.

One day her husband gave her an ultimatum -- either the dogs went, or he did.

The dogs won.

How sad for that man, I thought.

But then I started thinking about my walk with Christ, my marriage to Christ, and I thought of all the meaningless things I have swapped Him out for.

Things that "won".

~Relationships that brought Him no glory

~Ungodly attitudes

~An affair

~Ridiculous spending habits

Gene and I have been married for 10 years. Standing at the altar together if I had said to him,

"I Lelia take you Gene, to be my husband, to honor and cherish, but I'm not going to be faithful to you. I'm going to lie and sneak and cheat on you. Oh and I will get pregnant from this affair and hide my lying life style by having an abortion. In sickness and health, 'till death do us part".

If Gene knew ahead of time that I was not going to keep my vows, he would've said, "See ya" and turned and walked out of that church on 9th and Claremont Streets on that hot summer day in June. Out the door and never to be heard of again.

Same thing with the groom in Singapore. Had he known she would choose canines over him within a decade, no way would he have taken her as his wife. One thing she said about her ex-husband is this, "If he loves me, he should accept me for who I am".

Jesus Christ.

He knows us.

He accepts us for who we are.

And still says I do.

I do want her all to Myself.

I do want to use her ugly past for My glory.

I do love her as is.

I do want to be the God of her Is (present), Was (past) and Is to Come (future).

Are you swapping out anything for Jesus?

Just like the Singapore groom gave his wife an ultimatum Christ gives us one in

Revelation 3:16

So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Whoa.

As that man didn't want dogs to be his wife's #1 priority, God wants nothing or nobody to come before Him.

I need to be swapping out some junk in my life for Jesus.

I need to trust my Bridegroom enough to completely surrender to Him. Every day.

I need to be on fire for the God who loves me regardless of my unfaithful heart beating within my chest. Because being spit out by God is much worse than the sting of rejection that man felt when his wife chose dogs over their marriage.

I love you Jesus!

Reflection

I love this verse...

Ephesians 5:1

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children

Whenever I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop, our 23 month old granddaughter, Amiyah wants to help me. She knows she is not supposed to touch my computer, so she will put her little fingers right to the edge of it and once in awhile reach up and do what she thinks is typing. She is what we call "hard-headed" as she does not give up easily. Sometimes she just continues to do what she wants, and ends up getting in a little bit of toddler trouble.

She wants to copy what I am doing no matter what it may cost her.

Then I saw it at Walgreens one day right before Christmas.

A pink "real" looking laptop.

Best sixteen bucks I've ever spent.

She loves this thing and every time she comes over insists on getting it out and "working".

Here is a picture of her and aunt Alivia working away.

As soon as she saw Alivia on the couch, Amiyah ran her little bow-legged self to get her laptop.

And bless Alivia's patient heart, Amiyah sat right next to her and imitated

every move her Auntie made.

At almost 2 years old she wants to do what her Mommy, Grandma, Aunt and even what

Uncle Aaron and Grandpa does.

She is a little imitator of all she sees us do.

In the picture above she was a mini-me version of Alivia;

a reflection of the 8 year old she sat beside.

Who are you imitating today?

Who are you a reflection of?

Are you willing to copy Jesus, no matter what the cost may be?

I wish I could say God to the first 2 questions and yes to the third everyday, but I'd be lying.

He is what I strive to be like, but I know some days the devils' horns sprout up from underneath my hair and just knock my halo right to the ground.

Thankfully, one thing about His mercies...they are new every morning.

Really Believe

Song of Solomon 4:7

You are altogether beautiful, my love;

there is no flaw in you.

Valentine's Day.

Big money maker for flower shops, restaurants and Hallmark.

Valentine's Day is when your better half is supposed to acknowledge their unending love for you.

But what if you don't get a flower, a card or even a candlelight dinner?

What if you are single and you don't have a significant other that will express their love to you?

What if you're the only one at work that won't be surprised by a dozen red roses delivered to your desk?

So many women feel very lonely and left out on this day.

Ignored, shunned and down right forgotten.

Whether they have a ring on their finger or hopes of having one someday, women feel as if they are not good enough. All because the world says that on this one day of the year, you need to be lavished with gifts wrapped in red paper and a teddy bear that says I Love You across its chest or you are nothing.

But what if we really believed that there is Someone crazy in love with us?

Not just on February 14th, but since before we were born?

One that expressed His love for us in such a deep way, that no store bought gift can compare to its value of sacrifice.

What if we really believed that a King, A KING is enthralled by our beauty?

What if on this day of expected love we really believed that this King has plans for us?

Great plans that doesn't include one forced night of romance, but 365 days of wooing us with His passion for us?

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm a woman that longs for this stuff to happen on the 14th of February like the next woman, but how much self worth do I invest in this man made holiday?

Is the way I feel about myself altered if Gene doesn't sweep me off my feet?

Do I feel worthless if Gene doesn't meet my expectations?

With the aisles of stores being splashed with hearts and candy the day after Christmas, it easily can be that way. It's hard to ignore that many women will be spoiled on Sunday. I can go to bed on Sunday night feeling unloved, uncared for and unappreciated OR I can choose to rest in the fact that Jesus Christ loves me more than Gene is ever capable of loving me.

There are many single women who will wake up Sunday morning with depression weighing heavily on their hearts. Many women who want to wait for Mr. Right to come along, but in the midst of their waiting become willing to give themselves away for a cheap box of chocolates. Chocolates that will melt away as fast as their self esteem. Just so they aren't alone on this day.

But what if this year was different and she really believed she is worthy of a King's love?

That she is worth the wait.

Even if that means falling asleep alone?

What if she gets in between her sheets Sunday night with a smile on her face because she knows that it is the angels, not the devil doing a victory dance over her choice to let Christ be her Valentine?

If you have asked Jesus Christ into your life then your heart is already taken.

You are spoken for.

You have the Ultimate Lover.

Not just on Valentine's Day, but every day.

You have a Valentine that didn't capture you by shooting an arrow through your heart, but instead, because He let soldiers drive nails through His hands and feet. For you.

Because He really believed you are worth dying for.

I don't know if Valentine's Day is a day that makes you feel unworthy and unloved, but if it has in the past why not look at it through a different lens this year? Instead of dreading it, expect much this Sunday. Expect to be shown a unique love from the only One that knows how to fill the empty holes of your heart to overflowing. Expect to be amazed and made to feel special and chosen because you are. Because the Son of God thinks that you are worthy enough to come to earth with one purpose: to give His life for yours.

He loves you and wants you to know it.

Let Him.

Author Shannon Ethridge puts it best in her book I'm currently reading, Completely His, when she said this:

"We are incomplete, imperfect, and impatiently craving that which our souls cannot find apart from an intimate relationship with our loving God".

So this Sunday, let Him be the lover of your soul.

Let Jesus romance you in a way you never thought possible.

I bet if you allow yourself to be loved on by your King, the two of you will look a lot like this...

I happen to capture this sweet moment between our grand babies,

Juliana and Amiyah.

A great visual of

True Love Forever

*Click here to visit P31's Rachel Olsen's blog to read other entry's in her Devotional Carnival on the topic of Love.

*Also...click here to be a part of an exciting opportunity with P31's Wendy Blight!

The fruit of the Spirit is crooked. Again.

Last night I was going from the kitchen to the living room when I noticed that yet again a picture above the kitchen table was crooked.

As I went to fix it, I read the words on my favorite picture.

love

joy

peace

patience

kindness

goodness

faithfulness

gentleness

self-control

As I was straightening the picture for the 2nd or 3rd time this week, I got to thinking about if I'm portraying any of the fruit of the Spirit in my life toward my family.

Or like the picture that refuses to stay straight, is my life crooked and off balanced,

unable to produce any evidence that the Holy Spirit resides in me?

LOVE

Did my husband feel love from me last night when I had to win our discussion/argument?

JOY

Do my kids see joy in my face when I see them after being apart for 8 hours?

PEACE

Is my home a peaceful or tension filled place to be? Is it a haven or hell on earth for my family?

PATIENCE

Do I get frustrated when things aren't done on my timing?

KINDNESS

Does my family see me treat the mailman nicer than I treat them?

GOODNESS

Does goodness come pouring out of my heart or does selfish motives?

FAITHFULNESS

Am I committed to God no matter what?

GENTLENESS

What do my kids or husband hear in my voice when I answer their many questions?

SELF-CONTROL

When life gets stressed do I go to God's Word or straight to the kitchen.

What do I feed myself when I feel pressure?

We can be our harshest critics, that is for sure, but I really believe when we tear ourselves down we don't let God do what He wants to do within us.

So as I was reflecting on how I've been this week and going through each fruit, I started to get down on myself when my phone alerted me of an e-mail.

And I read these words unexpectedly received from my friend Lysa...

I'm so proud of you Lelia for the way you are so tenderly responsive to God's heart. I know you struggle with things sometimes but don't ever lose sight of the amazing way God created you to constantly respond in obedience to His voice.

WOW! Isn't God good?

He knew I needed this message.He used Lysa to send it to me and she had no idea the thoughts running through my mind.

And so now I had to either receive the message or dismiss it and not believe it. I chose to receive it and let God speak to my heart.

He above anyone else knows my heart.

He knows I don't get this right.

He knows I try, but fail.

He knows I don't try to act like a know it all, but instead I seek the One Who does.

The truth of it is...no matter how hard we try, we ARE going to fail sisters.

We are going to wake up with the best intentions of living out this Christian walk, only to crawl into bed at night with bloody scrapes on our elbows and knees from all the falls we endured throughout our day.

There will be those days that strangers see beautiful spiritual produce in our lives while our loved ones only see rotten bruised up fruit coming from our hearts.

But that is why we must have Daily Dependence on God as Lysa taught in a conference recently.

Daily seeking Him.

Daily relying on Him.

Daily calling on Him.

Daily trusting Him.

Daily quieting ourselves to listen to Him.

Because when we don't our lives become unbalanced and we are producing

not so lovely, no joy, tense, impatient, unkind, selfish, unfaithful, rough, out of control fruit and we don't want anything to do with that.

Seek Him and see how balanced your life can become.

When we are connected to the Vine daily, He makes fruit come from our hearts that we never thought was possible.

What do I still lack?

About a week and half ago I attended a women's conference put on by the beautiful women's ministry team of Blue Valley Baptist Church in Overland Park, Kansas called MORE Abundantly. I wanted to go because my dear friends whom I met through blogging, Lysa TerKeurst and her assistant, Holly Good would be there for the weekend. Lysa was booked as the speaker and for months I had waited for this weekend to get here.

The Saturday before the conference I finally found my way to the church website to check out the conference details and about cried when I figured out that the ticket was out of my price range. Trust me when I say hearing Lysa speak is worth paying any dollar amount, but due to Gene being on disability and so forth our funds are limited. After talking with Kelley, who was going with me and deciding we both couldn't do this, I sadly emailed Holly and just briefly told her I wasn't going to be able to attend after all, but perhaps we could still get together for a lunch or dinner.

How many of us know that when God wants us to be somewhere He will work out the details? I received an email on Monday morning saying that my ticket would be paid for if I could still go. The prideful girl in me began to type back through tear filled eyes her response of thanks and refusal of the ticket. That is when the girl inside me who desperately begs Jesus to invade her life, pushed prideful girl out of her way and deleted the message before it was sent. Instead, I sent a response of how blessed I felt and I accepted the gift. I took what I had put aside for my ticket and Kelley was able to attend also. God wanted us there and there would be no blocking His blessings on this day.

Not only did He give us a great conference and time of meeting other lovers of Jesus, He gave us time after the conference with Lysa and Holly. Their flight was delayed until the next morning and so we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and a movie where there was unlimited popcorn.

Great time of fellowship, laughter and memory making.Kelley, Lelia, Lysa and Holly

I have read and hosted blog studies on a few of Lysa's books and I love reading her blog, so I am familiar with parts of her testimony. But I am telling you, just like I told her over lunch, reading about what God has done in her life versus hearing it is just two different things. My eye makeup didn't stand a chance that weekend as every session Lysa shared, the tears would come. Not so much by what she was saying, but how God was using her to speak directly to my heart. He got my attention that weekend.

Like I told my husband and Mom after the conference ended Saturday afternoon, "I have attended a lot of women's conferences, but never have I felt one to be so personal". I love when God does stuff like that. Just wraps those scarred hands around your heart, refusing to let go no matter how hard or emotional it gets until His love for you cannot be denied.

All week leading up to the conference I had prayed not only for Lysa, Holly and Kelley, but also for myself. That God would open my ears and heart to receive what He had for me. I knew He had something for me and the excitement of not knowing exactly what made me feel like a little kid on their birthday. You know there is something underneath that wrapping paper, you just don't know what the gift is. And so with much expectation of my King I arrived in KC Friday evening.

I'm going to come back this week and share bits and parts of the conference with you, but this is the part I want to share today. Lysa first told us the story in Matthew 19: 16-30 about the rich young man. She really focused on the last part of verse 20 where the man asked Jesus a question.

"What do I still lack?"

One thing Lysa challenged us to do is to ask God,

"What is the one thing that I am lacking

that keeps me from having

an incredible relationship with You?".

That following Monday morning about 4 in the morning, I had gotten up out of a hard sleep to use the bathroom and before I was even out of bed I asked God that question. I remember thinking later that morning when I was more alert, how cool that was to know that in my sleep, I was thinking of that part of the conference.

Well, it is something I've been praying about and asking God since the weekend of January 15th and I finally got my answer this week. In the ice on my driveway of all places. I know, weird. But God made it so clear to me.

Nebraska is not on God's list right now of "States to Bless" because we have been in snow, ice and temps that even an Eskimo would be ticked about. We have been in this weather for a really long time now. Well usually when it snows either Gene or Aaron scoop our driveway, but with Gene's back surgeries and Aaron's back injury and my refusal to do such a task, I let it slide this winter. And that is exactly what I've been doing since the snow storms; sliding up and down our driveway that is covered with ice. My sweet Dad did bring his snowblower over and removed the snow, but underneath the snow was lots of ice. So much, that when I get out of the car I feel as if I'm on an ice skating rink as the sidewalk too is covered.

Anyway, earlier this week after I dropped the kids off at school, I pulled into the driveway and noticed there were two black objects lying on the passenger side of the drive. Wondering what it was, I went around the car to get a closer view.

Lo and behold, it was a pair of Aaron's socks. I guessed that the night before when he got out of the car he must have dropped them. Knowing when he got in the car this morning he had to have seen them, I was a little irritated as to why he would just leave them. I soon discovered that the reason being, they have become one with the ice. I tried to pull them up, but unless I used a shovel or something sharp to chip away the ice, those socks were not moving. So, since there is no way right now of getting them out, Aaron has decided to wait until the ice thaws.

So there in my driveway for all who walk up to my house to see are two very large Nike socks stiff as a board incased in ice. Right next to the leaves we never got raked in the fall. And with this weather I just may have socks in the driveway until June. Very nice.

But this is what God showed me here.

Through some dirty, frozen basketball socks embedded in the ice on my driveway, God showed me what my heart looks like from His seat on the throne.

I've been asking Him to change me, begging actually and yet He sees that I keep parts of my heart in ice. Parts that He would have to chip away at to get to. Parts of my life I think I can handle on my own.

Lysa talked about how she too had tried keeping parts of her life away from God. Giving Him permission to invade all other areas, but not her family. He could have her ministry, her home, but stay back from my family.

And what did God do with those limitations?

He expanded her territory through an unthinkable adoption of her two boys from Liberia that she heard sing in a choir. He took the one area of her heart incased in ice and slowly melted it until He had her complete surrender and she allowed herself to be called Mom by five instead of three.

God is good. God is great. But He doesn't just want my lips to ask Him what I lack from having an incredible relationship with Him, He wants my heart to melt into the relationship He wants to enjoy with me.

So as I examine my heart I see things such as attitude, control and fear on the frozen side and the desire to love, surrender and have unshakable faith on the warm side of my heart. It's time to let Jesus melt the ice away and get into those areas of my life that I have not given Him permission to have full access to.

In church this past weekend,the pastor spoke of how we have a call to greatness. He quoted Mother Teresa as saying,

"Let Jesus use you without consulting you,

and you will be holy because you belong to Him".

Hmmm...I am lacking surrender and God let me know it this week.

For some reason, God doesn't want to be consulted by some woman in Nebraska that thinks she knows what's best.

Instead, He wants access to her heart and life.

24/7 kind of access.

I want to pass on Lysa's challenge of asking God,

"What is the one thing I am lacking

that keeps me from having

an incredible relationship with You?"

And don't put any limitations to where He can show you His answer.

Could just be in a pair of frozen socks.

Please pray for Lysa as she is choosing peace over panic from unexpected events happening in her life. Please click here to let her know she is in your prayers.

Blah blah blah....

Have you ever tuned someone out while their talking to you?

The other day my 8 year old was asking me a lot of questions.

I mean a lot.

I think I tuned her out. Not on purpose, but I think I did.

Unless she was really saying,"blah, blah, blah, blah, blah", because that's what I heard.

I know, what a horrible Mom.

Definitely not the best thing to admit if I were trying for the Mother of the Year award.

But I can't help it sometimes.

I do love the sound of her voice though if that counts for anything.

Anyway, as a Mom, when bombarded with question upon question, have you ever given the deep, logical answer of "Because I told you so"? I have and I still do sometimes, but child #3 doesn't settle for such an answer. She wants something more. Something that makes her brain roll around until she has an understanding of why I answered her the way I did.

Have you ever gotten the answer "Because I told you so" from God?

If so, has it been good enough or do you press Him for a deeper reason of why not or why?

Is His grace sufficient enough for you or do you need to know what happened behind the scenes?

I don't know. Sometimes I wish He would just spell it out really clear.

But then again, perhaps He does in His Word and I just totally miss it.

Maybe I tune Him out like I sometimes do with Liv.

Because if I'm real honest, sometimes when I'm reading His Word all I see is "blah blah blah", but that's because of me, not Him.

Oh how I must focus more on Him and His Word and not take my time with Him for granted.

And I need to do the same with my girl. Because soon all she will hear from me is "blah blah blah" and right now...she hangs on my every word. She's attentive when I speak and she wants to learn from me.

Now that's the type of daughter I need to be to my Heavenly Father.

Amazing Grace...even in the aftermath of a quake

Yesterday I was just in a rotten mood.
Not sure what triggered it, but it lasted all. Day. Long.
Which for those around me makes for them a very long day too.
The perfect topper to my day was at 8:30 at night on my way to pick up my son from a basketball game.I followed a car through a yellow light and
just as I entered the intersection, the yellow turned to red.
So naturally, I gunned it so the oncoming traffic to my right and left wouldn't hit me.




That's when I saw the light show in my rear view mirror.
A twelve year old policeman pulled me over.
I was so proud of myself as I quietly took my ticket instead of releasing pre-Jesus Lelia on his youthful looking self like my flesh so badly wanted to do.




I picked up my son and he made me, no, forced me to go work out.
My sister and I have been doing the 30 Day Shred video by Jillian Michaels for 2 weeks now and I stupidly hired my son to keep me motivated. Stupid of me because he's taking it serious and has no mercy.
After getting ticketed, while driving to pick up Aaron, I told myself (out loud and rather convincingly) that I was not going to go work out.
But Aaron wanted to earn his 5 bucks for the week for keeping me on track and he clearly didn't care about what kind of day his Momma had. So off we went to my sisters and I'm so glad I did. It was a great workout and released a lot of the frustration I was feeling.






Later that night I started thinking about what is happening overseas.
So many children without a family, a home, clothes, food or familiarity.
I saw an interview the other day with this man who had gone to Haiti and said that even in the midst of all the death and devastation, he could hear the people singing Amazing Grace.




Amazing Grace in the middle of a disaster that not even the best weatherman could predict.


And here I am in the States boldly complaining about my "bad" day. How disgusting.
Today, I saw and kissed on all 3 of my beautiful children and 2 granddaughter's faces.
My husband and I went to the grocery store and returned home to a hot meal in the oven.
My daughter laid out her clean clothes for her next school day.
My son hung out with his friends at a basketball game.




We went through normal life today.
Our home may be messy, but it's intact.
Our family and friends are still alive and well.
My kids weren't picked up by strangers and taken away from all they know.
All my kids know wasn't wiped out by the shaking of the earth.
Schools are in session.
Food and water is in abundance.




So, I ask myself...How the heck can you claim that you had a bad day?
I mean, really what was so bad about it?
Work?
The ticket?
The piles of snow everywhere?
Why not be thankful you have places to go and try driving through an intersection only when you have a green light?






The summer of '08 I attended the writers/speakers conference, She Speaks.
I returned home with more than great feedback, wonderful memories and friends for life.
I came home with a little girl from El Salvador.




Not physically, of course, but one of the last things that Proverbs 31 Ministries gave us before we headed home was the wonderful opportunity to become a Compassion sponsor.
Over the last 19 months, we have received many letters from our little friend all hand written in Spanish and kindly translated to English.
Beautiful pictures she has drawn for us.
And prayers. She prays for us. And she asks us for prayers.
It has been an honor to sponsor her.
I've never shared this here on my blog, but now is a good time to do so.

Haiti needs us right now.
And Compassion has many kids in Haiti.
Unfortunately, some sponsors have lost their sponsored children as they were killed in the quake.
With so much loss, I'm sure many new faces will join in hopes of being able to ask someone in the US of A to pray for them and to pray for their sponsor.

Below is the button you can click on to see how you can help out.

Do whatever God prompts you to do.

Today, I choose not to be in a bad mood, because a rotten attitude is a choice.
Disasters such as Haiti tends to put bad hair days in perspective.


Instead, I thank God for my life and who is in it.
I will lift up the precious people in Haiti.
And with all my heart I believe that somehow, some way, the Giver of grace Who is beyond amazing will be glorified.
While the streets of Haiti smell of death, may the sweet aroma of Jesus Christ fill the hearts of those left to live out this hell on earth.
May our Lord and Savior become known through the the people sent there to help.


We love You Jesus and no matter how someone comes to know You...You are worth it.

Haiti Earthquake

Beauty from Ashes

This past weekend Alivia, our 8 year old daughter accompanied me to see Kelley and her wonderful family. For 6 months I have planned to attend a women's conference that Lysa TerKeurst would be speaking at in KC. I couldn't wait to hear Lysa speak and spend time with Kelley, Lysa and her assistant/BFF Holly.

I didn't check the church website until the week before the conference and found out the conference price was out of me and Kelley's price range so we couldn't attend after all.
Well, God had something different in mind.




Unexpectedly, He provided our way to the conference and so with great expectation of experiencing His greatness over the weekend I headed to KC on Friday afternoon.
Little did I know all He had planned to show me in 48 hours.

Saturday afternoon, I told my husband and my Mom, "I have been to a lot of women's conferences over the years, but never have I felt that one was more personal than this one was".
I know I'm not the only one who was touched by something said or sung this weekend. But God used Lysa to deliver a message this weekend directly from Him straight into my heart.

After each session I would vow the next session I would not cry, but when God is getting your attention so deeply, the tears cannot be stopped. So I just stopped trying to have perfect eye makeup and let the tears flow.




I'm not going to share tonight about the conference as my heart and mind are still trying to unwrap the gift God has placed in my lap and I really feel He has put something else on my heart. I will be back later this week to share some more, but tonight I have something else to write.




There are many of us that have history we wish never existed. Shameful things. Things that make your head hang.
Choices that were deliberately made that had consequences attached that at the time seemed unbearable.
Some women can escape a lifestyle so filled with shame and enter into a new life that there's no question that Jesus is her BFF.
And then there are women that escape their old lifestyle, but continuously beat themselves up over a past that Jesus already forgave them for, but they can't fully accept His grace. And soon they find themselves in the same old pit again.




I have no idea why this is on my heart, but I just need to share it.
This post is for that woman who knows Jesus, loves Jesus, but finds herself returning to her old self because simply said, she doesn't feel good enough. It's written for women like myself.
One who doesn't think she's good enough to be used by a King that chose her.
Or worthy enough to be loved by a King that adores her.
Or even loved enough to allow her King to cut the strings of her past still attached to her heart.




God really is crazy about you. I mean really crazy about you.
You know the kind of crazy that gives you butterflies in your stomach?
I bet He gets those when you call out His name. When you shout it and when you whisper it.
I bet His heart pounds a little harder when you cry as He reaches to catch your falling tears.




And He sees you. Day in and day out. He is watching over you.
And although His heart grieves when you choose to walk through mud because you are convinced you don't deserve different, He still loves you.
Doesn't matter how dirty you get throughout your day or night, He loves you.




A few months ago I met a little girl.
3 years old little.
She is one of those girls who catches your breath.




When I first met her, I had Amiyah, my 22 month old granddaughter with me.
It was a sweet meeting.
Even though Amiyah is a year younger than her, the big sister kicked in and she wanted to take care of our new friend.
And then she wanted to kiss and hug her.
And so they did.
And then she just wanted to play with her.
And so they did.






When I see our little friend, we make each other laugh.
And we hug and give each other kisses.
And I tell her she's beautiful and she agrees with me by smiling and saying "yah".
Here is a picture of me with our little friend. She loves taking her picture.














Four months ago she was at a family celebration and fell into a pot of boiling oil.
Head first.
The only area of her tiny body that is not burned is her precious little feet.




When I look at her she takes my breath away.
But not because of the obvious scars.
Look into her pretty brown eyes and look at that smile and tell me you don't see joy.
She is what beautiful is all about.
She is Beauty.




And I truly believe that this is how God sees us ladies.
He doesn't see our scars from bad decisions we've made.
He doesn't see what we think may not be so pretty...He sees beauty.
True and innocent beauty.





When I met this little one, I didn't tell her Mom to call me when she looked like she did before the burns. I loved her from the beginning.

And that is how it is with Jesus, but only better.

We have a Savior that loves us As Is.

With Him it is truly love at first sight of us.

There are no requirements to receive His love.

He doesn't accept us after we look like we did before we made bad choices.

All we have to do is accept His love.

And He is the One that takes our ashes from the burns we received from the pot of sin we fell into and turns them into beauty.

One thing I learned from Lysa's message this weekend was that we must have

Daily Dependence on God.

Not just in an emergency.

Not once a month or just on Sunday.

But daily.

Jesus loves and adores you so much.

And honestly, that is such an understatement.

No more coupons with Christ

The other day I was throwing out some junk mail.

Weekly we are bombarded with coupons for restaurants and oil change places.

But one coupon caught my eye.

Perhaps because it was about eye surgery.

It was a coupon for $500.00 off of eye surgery that would give you perfect vision.

No more glasses or contacts.

Just perfect sight.

I don't know if any of you ever watched the show King of Queens, but the main characters are a married couple named Doug and Carrie. Doug was always doing things that would tick Carrie off. One of the things he did was buy her eye surgery for her birthday because he wanted to get her something she couldn't return as she never kept any of his gifts.

She had the surgery and ended up blind. When it was revealed that he had used a coupon she became furious. She couldn't believe that he would use a coupon on something so important.

It was a pretty funny episode and she got her 20/20 vision when he took her to a new doctor and paid full price to get her eyes repaired.

What came to my mind is how sometimes I do that with God.

Sometimes instead of living a life full of abundance from my Savior, I choose to use a coupon.

I want to see His plans that He has for my life, but I don't want to obey Him.

I want to see my children live a life full of Jesus, but I don't commit time to pray for them.

I want to see Christ as the center of our marriage, but my flesh wants to flirt with the devil.

I want to see the branches of my life produce fruit, but I don't stay connected to the Vine.

If I want to see Jesus in my life, my marriage and my children,

then I can't expect to give Jesus half of me and get all of Him.

I must surrender.

I must stay connected to Him through His Word and prayer.

Not when I feel like it, but all of the time.

So hard, but completely possible because we serve a God that says so.

I love the Message version of Mark 10:27

Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself.

Every chance in the world if you let God do it".

No more coupons with Christ

because from my ongoing testimony it is evident that

when I try to cut corners with Jesus I don't save anything,

but it can cost me everything.

So not worth it.

2010: A Year of Failure or Jesus?

The first day of a new year is filled with so much promise.
Every year Resolutions taps on the shoulder of Bad Habits and asks to cut in and become my new dance partner. And with Determination and Hope twirling around me, making life look so good, I accept his offer. As he takes my hand we begin to twirl around the dance floor of life and my mind begins to whirl. Soon I become fixated on making this year of my life different and better than the last 38 I've lived.




With new goals, a new calendar, Jillian's 30 Day Shred exercise video, my 40th coming up this fall, I am a firm believer that 2010 is the year for change.
Permanent, positive and personal change.


But the problem is, I say that every year. I feel that rush of motivation every 365 days.
And the first couple months of the new year it looks hopeful.
And then I have no idea what makes me stop with the positive change and revert to habits I thought I had lost for good.


Looking back over 2009, a lot happened.
Change happened.
In my heart as well as in my life.


This summer, I became a Grandma of another little blessing dressed in pink.
Gene had his 3rd back surgery and had to go on disability, but thanks be to God, he is walking!




Ended some unhealthy relationships in my life.
Thankful for the season of one of the friendships, but ready to leave it in the past with peace from knowing that it's okay to love from a distance, even if it's in the same zip code.
Learned that boundaries are a good thing to put in place.




When life got tougher, I learned to stop wallowing in self pity and take God at His Word and focus on Him rather than myself. I have to daily chant "more of Him, less of me" as a constant reminder though and honestly, sometimes I just fail and keep my gaze in the mirror until I host and attend my own pity party.


I thank God so much for the people He has placed in my life...
*My wonderful blessing of a family, intermediate and extended.
*Godly girlfriends:
Charlene H,
Jodi D,
Kelley K,
Kim F (FYI: We're friends for life...no matter where God leads you & Tony to worship Him. Just saying.)
Laurie L,
Maya C,
Michelle~my sweet sister,
Shalana C,
Sheila T and
Sheryl B.


*All the wonderful women of God I've met in blog land. Way too many to name, but you know who you are.
But I do need to mention one...


Paula from the beautifully written blog, His Ways who graciously stepped in at short notice and took over the current Yes to God study I was leading when I found myself unable to do it.
What a blessing this woman has been not only to me, but many.
Plus she is loves eating frosting out of a can. My kind of friend!


*The many ministries in blog land that teach and stretch me~from author and speakers that are about as real as they come, like Lysa TerKeurst and Lisa Whittle to ordinary housewives and single women who are just trying to make it through the day. To women like Rebecca who praised Jesus when she welcomed her little baby boy into the world this past June, to women like Mel who praised Jesus as He welcomed her 12 year old son into heaven this past December. There are so many women of God in blog land to learn from and get to know.





I've watched, prayed over and admired my son Aaron while he has endured some really tough times this school year.



So being only a few days into the new year, I have to wonder about the next 12 months.
Twenty ten or two thousand ten...how will I end it?
Will I be a list maker at the beginning of January and a quitter by February 2010?
OR
Will I commit my plans to the Lord and watch Him unfold them in ways I never even thought possible?




What will this year look like if I truly take God at His Word?
I want to know.
I really do.



So can I let go of the hand of Resolutions? Let go of the hand of Bad Habits?
Can I become still and wait as my King approaches me on the dance floor and asks me to dance with Him?




Will I say yes as I put down my own agenda and just follow His lead?
Go where Jesus Christ goes and where He tells me to go?
Will I trust Him? Trust in Him?
Believe Him? Believe in Him?
Will I love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind?


Somehow I think if I can die to myself and say yes and truly seek Him, that this dance will be like no other.
It just can't be, because He is like no other.




I want more of Him. I want Him to really be my all. My center. My focus.
My dance partner for life.


I want to seek His approval, His opinion and His will.
I want Him to teach me new dance steps.
I want Him to teach me how to be a faithful dance partner in my words, thoughts and actions.





And I want to not panic when He leaves me alone on the dance floor and just watches me.
I want to trust that He still is with me. Even when it feels like I'm all alone.
Abandoned.
Forgotten.


I want to pull out Scripture from my heart and shout it at my Enemy when I recognize that he is trying to cut in on my dance with my Savior. Lord knows, I have danced with Satan enough and it's nothing but a dance of shame, regret and self pity and I want nothing to do with it.






So 2010 I start off dancing.
Dancing with my King.
He has already showed Himself off in ways I can't even begin to wrap my mind around and we're only on day five!!!


And so here is to another year.
A year of change and of growth.
A year of more of Him and way less of me.

And somehow, I believe from what I have learned over the last year through God's Word and in these books I've read and am reading that if I let God really have His way with my life,

then I will

Become More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

I will then find out

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith

and

What Happens When Women say Yes to God.

If I let God change what He doesn't want to leave the same about me, then perhaps I'll see what He sees.

That

Behind Those Eyes

is a woman whose

Self Talk Soul Talk

wants to line up with God's words and thoughts of me.

But until I really surrender my all to Him and let Him become my All,

then I will never have the joy of experiencing an

An Untroubled Heart.

And Lord knows, I do not want to end 2010 with a heart condition that is fearful of letting God be first place in my life.

Been there,

done that

and the changes I attempt to make never stick.

More of Him...less of me, myself and I.

Happy New Year...

Cheers to letting a King take His rightful place on the throne of our hearts!

LET'S DANCE!

Listed above are books that God really has used and continues to use in my life.

You can find more information on each book on the right side of my blog.