2010: A Year of Failure or Jesus?

The first day of a new year is filled with so much promise.
Every year Resolutions taps on the shoulder of Bad Habits and asks to cut in and become my new dance partner. And with Determination and Hope twirling around me, making life look so good, I accept his offer. As he takes my hand we begin to twirl around the dance floor of life and my mind begins to whirl. Soon I become fixated on making this year of my life different and better than the last 38 I've lived.




With new goals, a new calendar, Jillian's 30 Day Shred exercise video, my 40th coming up this fall, I am a firm believer that 2010 is the year for change.
Permanent, positive and personal change.


But the problem is, I say that every year. I feel that rush of motivation every 365 days.
And the first couple months of the new year it looks hopeful.
And then I have no idea what makes me stop with the positive change and revert to habits I thought I had lost for good.


Looking back over 2009, a lot happened.
Change happened.
In my heart as well as in my life.


This summer, I became a Grandma of another little blessing dressed in pink.
Gene had his 3rd back surgery and had to go on disability, but thanks be to God, he is walking!




Ended some unhealthy relationships in my life.
Thankful for the season of one of the friendships, but ready to leave it in the past with peace from knowing that it's okay to love from a distance, even if it's in the same zip code.
Learned that boundaries are a good thing to put in place.




When life got tougher, I learned to stop wallowing in self pity and take God at His Word and focus on Him rather than myself. I have to daily chant "more of Him, less of me" as a constant reminder though and honestly, sometimes I just fail and keep my gaze in the mirror until I host and attend my own pity party.


I thank God so much for the people He has placed in my life...
*My wonderful blessing of a family, intermediate and extended.
*Godly girlfriends:
Charlene H,
Jodi D,
Kelley K,
Kim F (FYI: We're friends for life...no matter where God leads you & Tony to worship Him. Just saying.)
Laurie L,
Maya C,
Michelle~my sweet sister,
Shalana C,
Sheila T and
Sheryl B.


*All the wonderful women of God I've met in blog land. Way too many to name, but you know who you are.
But I do need to mention one...


Paula from the beautifully written blog, His Ways who graciously stepped in at short notice and took over the current Yes to God study I was leading when I found myself unable to do it.
What a blessing this woman has been not only to me, but many.
Plus she is loves eating frosting out of a can. My kind of friend!


*The many ministries in blog land that teach and stretch me~from author and speakers that are about as real as they come, like Lysa TerKeurst and Lisa Whittle to ordinary housewives and single women who are just trying to make it through the day. To women like Rebecca who praised Jesus when she welcomed her little baby boy into the world this past June, to women like Mel who praised Jesus as He welcomed her 12 year old son into heaven this past December. There are so many women of God in blog land to learn from and get to know.





I've watched, prayed over and admired my son Aaron while he has endured some really tough times this school year.



So being only a few days into the new year, I have to wonder about the next 12 months.
Twenty ten or two thousand ten...how will I end it?
Will I be a list maker at the beginning of January and a quitter by February 2010?
OR
Will I commit my plans to the Lord and watch Him unfold them in ways I never even thought possible?




What will this year look like if I truly take God at His Word?
I want to know.
I really do.



So can I let go of the hand of Resolutions? Let go of the hand of Bad Habits?
Can I become still and wait as my King approaches me on the dance floor and asks me to dance with Him?




Will I say yes as I put down my own agenda and just follow His lead?
Go where Jesus Christ goes and where He tells me to go?
Will I trust Him? Trust in Him?
Believe Him? Believe in Him?
Will I love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind?


Somehow I think if I can die to myself and say yes and truly seek Him, that this dance will be like no other.
It just can't be, because He is like no other.




I want more of Him. I want Him to really be my all. My center. My focus.
My dance partner for life.


I want to seek His approval, His opinion and His will.
I want Him to teach me new dance steps.
I want Him to teach me how to be a faithful dance partner in my words, thoughts and actions.





And I want to not panic when He leaves me alone on the dance floor and just watches me.
I want to trust that He still is with me. Even when it feels like I'm all alone.
Abandoned.
Forgotten.


I want to pull out Scripture from my heart and shout it at my Enemy when I recognize that he is trying to cut in on my dance with my Savior. Lord knows, I have danced with Satan enough and it's nothing but a dance of shame, regret and self pity and I want nothing to do with it.






So 2010 I start off dancing.
Dancing with my King.
He has already showed Himself off in ways I can't even begin to wrap my mind around and we're only on day five!!!


And so here is to another year.
A year of change and of growth.
A year of more of Him and way less of me.

And somehow, I believe from what I have learned over the last year through God's Word and in these books I've read and am reading that if I let God really have His way with my life,

then I will

Become More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

I will then find out

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith

and

What Happens When Women say Yes to God.

If I let God change what He doesn't want to leave the same about me, then perhaps I'll see what He sees.

That

Behind Those Eyes

is a woman whose

Self Talk Soul Talk

wants to line up with God's words and thoughts of me.

But until I really surrender my all to Him and let Him become my All,

then I will never have the joy of experiencing an

An Untroubled Heart.

And Lord knows, I do not want to end 2010 with a heart condition that is fearful of letting God be first place in my life.

Been there,

done that

and the changes I attempt to make never stick.

More of Him...less of me, myself and I.

Happy New Year...

Cheers to letting a King take His rightful place on the throne of our hearts!

LET'S DANCE!

Listed above are books that God really has used and continues to use in my life.

You can find more information on each book on the right side of my blog.