Tuesday, January 5, 2010

2010: A Year of Failure or Jesus?

The first day of a new year is filled with so much promise.
Every year Resolutions taps on the shoulder of Bad Habits and asks to cut in and become my new dance partner. And with Determination and Hope twirling around me, making life look so good, I accept his offer. As he takes my hand we begin to twirl around the dance floor of life and my mind begins to whirl. Soon I become fixated on making this year of my life different and better than the last 38 I've lived.

With new goals, a new calendar, Jillian's 30 Day Shred exercise video, my 40th coming up this fall, I am a firm believer that 2010 is the year for change.
Permanent, positive and personal change.

But the problem is, I say that every year. I feel that rush of motivation every 365 days.
And the first couple months of the new year it looks hopeful.
And then I have no idea what makes me stop with the positive change and revert to habits I thought I had lost for good.

Looking back over 2009, a lot happened.
Change happened.
In my heart as well as in my life.

This summer, I became a Grandma of another little blessing dressed in pink.
Gene had his 3rd back surgery and had to go on disability, but thanks be to God, he is walking!

Ended some unhealthy relationships in my life.
Thankful for the season of one of the friendships, but ready to leave it in the past with peace from knowing that it's okay to love from a distance, even if it's in the same zip code.
Learned that boundaries are a good thing to put in place.

When life got tougher, I learned to stop wallowing in self pity and take God at His Word and focus on Him rather than myself. I have to daily chant "more of Him, less of me" as a constant reminder though and honestly, sometimes I just fail and keep my gaze in the mirror until I host and attend my own pity party.

I thank God so much for the people He has placed in my life...
*My wonderful blessing of a family, intermediate and extended.
*Godly girlfriends:
Charlene H,
Jodi D,
Kelley K,
Kim F (FYI: We're friends for matter where God leads you & Tony to worship Him. Just saying.)
Laurie L,
Maya C,
Michelle~my sweet sister,
Shalana C,
Sheila T and
Sheryl B.

*All the wonderful women of God I've met in blog land. Way too many to name, but you know who you are.
But I do need to mention one...

Paula from the beautifully written blog, His Ways who graciously stepped in at short notice and took over the current Yes to God study I was leading when I found myself unable to do it.
What a blessing this woman has been not only to me, but many.
Plus she is loves eating frosting out of a can. My kind of friend!

*The many ministries in blog land that teach and stretch me~from author and speakers that are about as real as they come, like Lysa TerKeurst and Lisa Whittle to ordinary housewives and single women who are just trying to make it through the day. To women like Rebecca who praised Jesus when she welcomed her little baby boy into the world this past June, to women like Mel who praised Jesus as He welcomed her 12 year old son into heaven this past December. There are so many women of God in blog land to learn from and get to know.

I've watched, prayed over and admired my son Aaron while he has endured some really tough times this school year.

So being only a few days into the new year, I have to wonder about the next 12 months.
Twenty ten or two thousand will I end it?
Will I be a list maker at the beginning of January and a quitter by February 2010?
Will I commit my plans to the Lord and watch Him unfold them in ways I never even thought possible?

What will this year look like if I truly take God at His Word?
I want to know.
I really do.

So can I let go of the hand of Resolutions? Let go of the hand of Bad Habits?
Can I become still and wait as my King approaches me on the dance floor and asks me to dance with Him?

Will I say yes as I put down my own agenda and just follow His lead?
Go where Jesus Christ goes and where He tells me to go?
Will I trust Him? Trust in Him?
Believe Him? Believe in Him?
Will I love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind?

Somehow I think if I can die to myself and say yes and truly seek Him, that this dance will be like no other.
It just can't be, because He is like no other.

I want more of Him. I want Him to really be my all. My center. My focus.
My dance partner for life.

I want to seek His approval, His opinion and His will.
I want Him to teach me new dance steps.
I want Him to teach me how to be a faithful dance partner in my words, thoughts and actions.

And I want to not panic when He leaves me alone on the dance floor and just watches me.
I want to trust that He still is with me. Even when it feels like I'm all alone.

I want to pull out Scripture from my heart and shout it at my Enemy when I recognize that he is trying to cut in on my dance with my Savior. Lord knows, I have danced with Satan enough and it's nothing but a dance of shame, regret and self pity and I want nothing to do with it.

So 2010 I start off dancing.
Dancing with my King.
He has already showed Himself off in ways I can't even begin to wrap my mind around and we're only on day five!!!

And so here is to another year.
A year of change and of growth.
A year of more of Him and way less of me.

And somehow, I believe from what I have learned over the last year through God's Word and in these books I've read and am reading that if I let God really have His way with my life,
then I will
Become More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.
I will then find out
What Happens When Women Walk in Faith
What Happens When Women say Yes to God.

If I let God change what He doesn't want to leave the same about me, then perhaps I'll see what He sees.
Behind Those Eyes
is a woman whose
Self Talk Soul Talk
wants to line up with God's words and thoughts of me.

But until I really surrender my all to Him and let Him become my All,
then I will never have the joy of experiencing an
An Untroubled Heart.

And Lord knows, I do not want to end 2010 with a heart condition that is fearful of letting God be first place in my life.
Been there,
done that
and the changes I attempt to make never stick.

More of Him...less of me, myself and I.

Happy New Year...
Cheers to letting a King take His rightful place on the throne of our hearts!


Listed above are books that God really has used and continues to use in my life.
You can find more information on each book on the right side of my blog.


Paula said...

What a wonderful post my dear friend! I can see you dancing right now. And I know you WILL continue to dance throughout 2010. You were made to trip over your feet in 2009, but you have learnt to trip the supernatual light fantastic with your King. Love and blessings always! P :) xo

Tammy said...

You said it so beautiful!
I,too,want "more of Him" so when I find myself in that dark, I will know Who I'm looking for.

May I join you on the dance floor with our Savior?

Love and Hugs~Tammy

Yolanda said...

You are delightful and I'm with you...SEEKING Him and FEARING only MY LORD and MY GOD in 2010!!! More of Him and less of me.


deb said...

What an inspiring, lovely post. Your love for Jesus shines bright and clear.

May we all come to love Him more this year!

tiggerdaisy said...

What a beautiful post from your heart!! Beautiful!

I want much more of Him in my life and a whole lot less of me. You are an inspiration, Lelia. Truly you are. You walk a very real life and let us in on the good, the bad and the ugly. Each one of us can relate on some level because we also have our own version of the good, the bad and the ugly. Amen!?

Love you girl! I feel very honored to have been mentioned in your post! :)

Prayers and blessings as we seek to grow closer and more in love with our Heavenly Father in 2010!


StitchinByTheLake said...

A wonderful post Leila - as usual. I'm praying for you to be successful in every single thing you listed! blessings, marlene

Anonymous said...

<3 ya Lelia! I'm God has put us together too. Someone to pray, laugh and WALK with! Ummmmm Mall Walking and Walking w/God!
Your Sister in Christ,
P.Kim F.

Julie said...

Hey, Lelia,
Loved your heart shared here....

I pray this will be a year where He reveals more deeply to your heart how truly amazing you are to Him. He delights in you my friend... because He made you to delight in you... I love that about Him!

Happy New year, sweet Lelia!

Paula (SweetPea) said... about always being touched, inspired, encouraged...that's what I feel from you when you write such beautiful things.

Okay...I'm going to admit something to you...and I guess all your readers. I secretly frowned when I didn't see my name of the list of your special friends. So imagine my suprise (and shame for my previous thought) when I scrolled down to see me mentioned. And of course you gave me a great BIG smile about the icing from the can. Speaking of that, I should text you about that.

I love how you intertwined the titles of the books.

"And I want to not panic when He leaves me alone on the dance floor and just watches me." This is so hard. It can feel like we are dancing alone, fully alone, but we aren't. He's still there in the room, watching, and if we fall, He will swoop in and catch us. Well, sometimes He does let us fall but He would catch us if it meant we'd be destroyed by the fall.

"Thankful for the season of one of the friendships, but ready to leave it in the past with peace from knowing that it's okay to love from a distance, even if it's in the same zip code."

Unfortunately that statement hit home as I'm not able to be fully at peace with three of my friendships that have ended. No peace b/c I don't know what they ended.

Glad to have a moment to check and you were the first I saw on bloglist updated and I came right here.

Pamela (His maidservant) said...

"More of Him"-that is truly the theme for us this year. I am with you!!


In His Graces~Pamela

Connie said... have a way of sharing that just touches me...thanks I needed your self talk to help me this year.

Love you girl! Connie

Sharon said...

This is so encouraging thank you, a reminder of more of him and less of me, words to ponder for the day!!! awesome thanks

Happy New Year

Naomi said...

My constant little saying in my head goes like this :"Let go and let God"... It lines me up straight!!!