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Monday, May 12, 2008

Perfect in her eyes...

Yesterday so many woman heard the words, "Happy Mother's Day". It was my daughter's first Mother's Day and I loved seeing the pride in her eyes as she held her little Amiyah. I cried in church as our worship leader sang a beautiful solo dedicated to all the mom's as I rubbed Alyssa's back. It was very touching. One line I remember from it was that " you're changing the world one heartbeat at a time".

Before church my 6 year old daughter Alivia came into the kitchen with her gift that she made me in school. She also made a beautiful card to go with her poem. On the front of the card it said, "Happy Mother's Day", on the inside, "Dear Mom, your the best. Love, Alivia I love mom". It was the back of the card that got me the most....
"Your perfect.

I love mom"


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know most of the time I feel like the biggest failure as a
Mom? Does she know that I have had many times that I've whispered I love yous over her as she slept because I over-reacted to something she did?


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know of my ugly past that only God is big enough to handle all the details of? Does she know that I cuss when I get real angry? Does she know I sometimes disrespect her Daddy when I try to teach her to respect him at all cost?



She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know that even though I tell her every morning before school to please God with her words, actions and how she does her schoolwork that some days I fail at doing that very thing in my job before her school day is even finished?


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know as I teach her how to talk to God through prayer that sometimes I feel so unworthy of praying with her? That I feel like God can't hear me? Does she know that I want a relationship with God like she has...innocent and pure?


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know when I found out I was pregnant with her since our oldest was 12 and I thought we were done having kids that at first I didn't want her? Does she know how overwhelmed I felt at the thought of having three kids and how I thought a baby would inconvenience my life?
Does she know I regret those selfish thoughts and how I can't imagine my life without her?


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know that when I teach her to treat her friends with love that there are certain people I avoid each week? Does she know sometimes I don't show love to those that are hard to stand?


She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know as I try to teach her to tithe and be a cheerful giver that I often cheat God out of blessing us because I look at how big the bills are instead of how big our God is? Does she know that when she tells me after church how she took extra coins and shared them with her friends at church I worry it won't look like she's tithing while she's worried her friends won't be able to give anything to God?



She thinks I'm perfect?
Does she know that Jesus is the only One that is perfect?
Does she know that I'm so far from it?
Does she know I think she's perfect?


Sometimes the way others see us is so far off base. My 6 year old knows I love her. She knows she's safe with me. She knows I love our family. She just has no idea of all the junk in my past and how Satan tries to bring me down all the time. She has no idea how sometimes the Perfect One in me doesn't hear from me for days because I allow myself to get caught up in the lies of the enemy.


I love this little girl so much I just want to go wake her up right now from kissing all over her beautiful face. I won't because it's almost 2am, but I want to.

I have no idea what her definition of perfect is, but if she thinks I'm it, then isn't she in for a treat as her relationship with her Savior grows.

Jesus, thank you for this little girl.
I love the heart she has for You and her passion to pray for others.
I think she's perfect Lord because what I see in her is You.

She has no idea that without Jesus I am simply nothing and that He is the only perfect in me.




~Many Blessings~


14 comments:

Kelley said...

What an amazing post! You are so good with thoughts and words, Lelia and you have a beautiful heart! I love the picture too, Alyvia looks sooooo happy and proud. Isn't it great that once we are covered by the blood of Jesus then God sees us as perfect too. Thank GOD for His grace!

Keep me posted on how your running goes. I have done nothing but eat all weekend and I am just disgusted with meself!

Have a great day my friend, I will see you soon!

Love,
Kelley

SweetPea said...

That was very nice. While I was reading this, the reoccuring thought kept poking at me "...but aren't we all our own worst critique." I have found so many times that I think worse of myself that what others do. No, we are not perfect, we fail, and we sin, but I believe by human nature it is hard to see ourselves through other's eyes...whether it's child, husband, friends...let alone how God sees us. We are righteous through Christ but that's still hard for me to grasp with all my failures, sins, wrong decisions, etc.
Love the picture.
Paula

nothingcanseparateme said...

Lelia,

I am bawling!! That post was just beautiful and that baby girl is just so very precious!! It sounds like you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Thanks for sharing your heart once again!

Kim from PA

tiggerdaisy said...

Oh, sweet Lelia. What a wonderful, heartfelt, soul bearing post. Thank you for sharing the parts of your life most women strive to hide. It truly makes a difference in people's lives.

Prayers and Blessings!

Rebecca

Amy said...

Lelia,
That was beautiful!
I so appreciate your honesty, because everything that you mentioned is something that we all struggle with at one time or another as mothers.
It's a wonderful feeling for our child to look at us through the eyes of innocence and see nothing but the good in us and the love that we have for them. What I also love is that God looks at us through those same eyes. Even though we fall short most days of our lives, He looks at us and just sees endless possibilities(with Him) in us and everlasting LOVE for us.
We are His babies.......

Thank you for this post; God shines in you, Lelia!

God Bless,
Amy:)

MrsJoeB said...

I personaaly hate motherday. I am reminded of all the things I am not..you wrote it so well. Somehow, they see the good above our bad, That's how we should be. Blessing
~Pamela

Amy L Brooke said...

Even if she read all these "Does she know" statements, my guess is that she would still think you are perfect and love you all the more.

Glad you had a good mommy day!

HisPrincess said...

She knows how much you love her.
She knows how you have showered grace upon her sister.

It's not about the darkness we all try to hide, it's about letting the Lords light shine through us to bless others and glorify Him. You do that so well Lelia. No one can get it right, but only some of us can admit that.

nothingcanseparateme said...

Lelia,
Thank you for visiting my blog today. I am slowing trying to figure this blogging thing out! I posted some pics today of my family. I love having faces to match with the stories. I also changed my URL address so it would match my heading.

Your posts are truly a blessing to my heart. I have really been struggling within my group of friends and the "not being real" syndrome. We as women need to share our daily struggles with one another but so few are willing to be that vulnerable.

Life is so tough and I mess up constantly and there my Father God is to scoop me up and keep on loving me. I am so humbled by his grace.

Thanks again Lelia!
In Christ,
Kim

Lizerd said...

Beautiful Post. Isn't it wonderful to know that God sees us as He knows we will be ... perfect too! Through Him, we are! I know we don't deserve such love, but I am so glad that He gives it and so do our children!

I got the CD today!!!!! Thanks! I am so excited to start listening to it!

No More Shame!

Love, Liz

Lisa said...

Lelia,
Love, love, triple love this post. Beautifully said. Honest. Real. True for all of us. He truly is the only thing perfect. Period.

Lisa :)

Anonymous said...

I was told by a co-worker just last week that I was a much better Christian than she. I felt very unworthy and mentally went through all the "does she knows" in my mind as well. Thankfully, our friends and family love us anyway...as does our Savior.

Yolanda said...

Lelia,

Isn't it so refreshing and amazing at how the chains are broken WHEN we get real? I'm not positive how you felt as you told the blog site to post this, but I can only imagine!

What great insight He has given you and a blessing for you to share that with us.

Love ya Girlfriend!


Yolanda

Mary Beth said...

Thanks for the beautiful post and transparency.

I know this has encouraged all who have read it.

Thanks for stopping by my blog so I could read this.