My new Un-comfort level

This morning Gene and I were talking about us. And Jesus.
Right now our church is doing a 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting.
But we're not. We haven't.
We never have. And so we started talking about it. Trying to justify our "why" of not doing it. Why we are choosing to not model sacrifice to get closer to God to our kids.


And I began to share with my husband. Things I had just said inside my heart to Jesus. The tears fell and the lump in my throat got in the way of the words I tried speaking.


Putting aside our weak justifications we began to get real with one another. Why we didn't start a fast on Sunday is because honestly, we don't want discomfort.
We want Jesus to use us at our comfort level.



This past summer my mom's 63 year old brother committed a crime. His first one. One that the judge sentenced him last month to 30-40 years. Don't let your mind jump to wondering what he did that would give him such a lengthy sentence. If you go there, just leave my blog now because you'll  miss the whole point of this post.


My uncle has a family that he loves. Adult kids, grandkids and a beautiful wife that remains faithful to her vows and his BFF. He loves fishing with my Grandpa. He loves cooking and hunting with his grandson. He loves telling jokes. He had a new truck that he bought last spring with all of the bells and whistles. When he bought something it was the best of the best.
Now, all of his personal belongings, including his shoes, must fit into a space of 4 cubic feet in a small cell.


He made fun of the faith my Mom boldly shared all the years she was the saved minority in her family. He rolled his eyes at any mention of God at family gatherings. He didn't believe in "organized religion" he would daily tell me. He refused to acknowledge that his own Mom is a miracle when every organ doctor she had signed off on her life and gave her 3-24 hours to live in the summer of 2002. She's still alive. He considered Jesus to be the head of the "organized religion" he wanted no part of.


Until the summer of 2010 when caught in his crime he turned to Jesus.
I didn't believe his conversion at first.
Most people behind bars stumble upon God.
But this was different.
He wasn't behind bars yet when he turned to his Savior.
He still had his freedom and he chose to accept the gift of salvation.
He repented, truly repented and was forgiven.
And he went from not reading even the newspaper to being in his new crisp paged Bible for hours. He started going to church. He got baptized with his wife and Mom last fall. He'd cry talking about Jesus. At the begining he'd talk about choosing suicide over prison. But even as thoughts of ending his life he kept reading the his Bible. He welcomed his pastor over to lead a Bible study with his 80 year old parents every Tuesday.
And Jesus stood triumphantly over his enemy.


I received a letter from him on Monday. A letter addressed to me on the outside of the envelope but solely written to Aaron, our teenage son that Satan is having his way with to put it bluntly. Aaron has been in trouble with the law and here is part of the letter from my uncle: 

"Aaron, Please-Please don't go down the wrong path.
I'm sitting here trying to write this to you crying like a little baby.
I thank God every minute for my family and all the love they have shown me and I know they show the same for you.
Don't turn your back on God or your family.
I am sitting in a cell just crying and wishing I could be with my family.
Don't throw away what you have.
It's hard becoming a man---
But with God's help and the people that love you,
you will be a fine young man.

Please keep your act together.
You would never want to come to a place like this,
it is the closest thing to hell on earth there is.
Stop and thank the Lord you have a family that loves you so much.

Don't give up on God."

That's just a piece of this hand written 2 page letter sent to our son.

I look at how my uncle is living today compared to how he lived the first 63 years of life and he has more freedom now in a small cell than he did when he was camping, fishing and hunting when and where he wanted to.

He may never see his name on another fishing license again, but because of his choice to accept Jesus, he will see his name written in the Book of Life.
Freedom only God can give. 

I told Gene this morning that I want to be Uncomfortable for Jesus. 

If Jesus took on the flesh again and walked up to my front door, knocked and said, "Follow Me" like he did to the disciples, I want to go WITHOUT hesitation.
Gene shared too and we agreed that we both want this new un-comfort level.
I have never been in this place of complete and I stress complete desire for surrender until now. To the point that it hurts.  

This life on earth....

                            Temporary

                                                 A mist

                  Here today, gone tomorrow

                                                 Too comfortable.

I don't want to waste another minute.

I want my life to be just about Him.

To go where He says to go.

To be obedient when He speaks through my pastor asking me to fast.

I want to be Uncomfortable for Jesus.

A Savior that is able to capture the hardened heart of my uncle and then use him in his uncomfortableness. A God who has His holy radar locked on my son from the walls of prison.

That's the Jesus I want to live for and be usable for.