Right now my husband and I are facing a lot. His back surgery he had done in April is not completely healed which causes him a lot of pain. This Tuesday we see the surgeon who after reading a CT he'll have done that morning will either release Gene back to work full duty, or the doc will tell us what needs to happen next. I don't see the release happening, but we all know we serve a God that can heal the broken if that is His will no matter what any doctor says. Pfizer has informed him that if he can not return to work for full duty that his job "will go back on the market". Guess they don't want to sound like Donald Trump and just tell him "you're fired".
This past Friday we received his last check from Pfizer until April because of having to switch from short to long term disability. This is all correct since there has to be 180 days between the last short term claim to the first long term one. Crazy, I know. If Gene would have filled out his paperwork earlier, we might have not had such a long lapse, but it was not explained to him that it would take a few months to kick in and at that time he was feeling good and optimistic and didn't think he'd need it. His back thought differently and so I've had to return to my night job of doing home health care. It was such a blessing though when I called this company a few weeks ago to see if they were hiring and I was hired back immediately. I still had to formerly go through an interview, but when I explained our situation of loss of income they pushed me through everything and I have already taken care of clients. I get to set my own hours and so far I've only done overnight visits, but God has really blessed me with some easy shifts so I'm not completely worn out the next day.
So, poor Gene is not only feeling the pain in his back, but the guilt of watching his wife work two jobs. Four months of no pay...that's a lot, but I just keep reminding myself that God, not Pfizer is in control here.
Here's one of the many things I love about God though...in the midst of facing the unknown of a job, finances and Gene's health...God provides a breakthrough that only He is capable of doing.
For many years we battled our oldest daughter on the music she chose to listen to and then since Jr. high we fought the same battle with our son. I'd do a random room check and find Cd's burned off that had rap music that would just make your ears fall of. The lyrics were so bad they would make the Parental Advisory sticker slapped on the CD cover shrivel up.
Then last week I noticed a picture of a secular rapper on Aaron's phone. I watched only a minute of this guy perform on TV as his pants were falling off, but because he holds onto his private area his pants stay just below his underwear. Not sure what is worse...boxers showing or him holding himself. Both are just gross. Anyway, this guy has the words 'FEAR GOD' tattooed on his eye lids. I'm not judging him, but I told Aaron his lyrics and eyelids really don't match up. Aaron defended this guy he doesn't even know and wouldn't listen to me, so I suggested he ask Justin, his youth group leader about him. "I'm not asking Justin, Mom."
Well, he did and Justin told him nothing but the truth. Just like I did, but somehow it sounds different coming out of a cool guys mouth instead of an old mom's mouth.
When Aaron got into the car on Wednesday with Christian rap Cd's Justin gave him, Aaron announced..."I asked Justin about Lil' Wayne and I've decided that I'm not going to listen to rap anymore. Bad rap."
Really? I asked...
"Yeah. What Justin said made sense."
What did he say? I asked.
"He said what goes in comes out."
Tears filling this Mommas eyes I just nodded and said, "That is so cool Aaron."
Even though this was the same message his Dad and I have been telling him for 4 years now, he heard it for the first time Wednesday night.
In the midst of crazy God just shows off where you least expect Him to. He knew that Gene and I needed this encouragement at this moment. I love that about Him. His timing is always so Holy.
Last night I attended a memorial service for a 19 year old who died last Wednesday from trying to get high from spraying something in a bag and inhaling it. Horribly sad. When I told his mom how beautiful she looked in this blue blouse she was wearing she shared this with me...
"Last month Jake and I were out of town and he was trying to get me to buy this shirt. He said I dress like an old lady and that I needed his help. I told him no on the blouse because it was too expensive. Well, after he died I decided to visit the Banana Republic to see if they had it. They had it. Only one. My size. On the clearance rack. $30.00 cheaper. I love when God does stuff like that. Jake would just be thrilled."
In the midst of Sandy's pain, God showed Himself to her at the clearance rack of Banana Republic. Wow...
I have no idea what trials you are facing on this day, but God, our all knowing Savior does.
IF Gene and I keep focused on God...what will He do?
IF Nathan and Sandy keep focused on God while trying to understand the loss of their only son...what will He do?
It makes me cry right now as I am typing because even though my heart aches for my husband and tries to show grace to my teenage daughter who is pregnant again...I can't comprehend why God is paying attention to someone like me. Why at this moment would He choose a breakthrough in my son? Why? Because He can. Because He knew it would revive me and make me more determined to put on His full armour before I begin my day. He knew it would make me chase harder after the God who could easily look the other way, but instead chooses to tap into my heart with Morse Code that only He knows.
He pays attention to us. To you. He delights in catching us off guard and then hangs on our every praise. The thing is He doesn't need us to praise Him, but He desires us to do so because we want to. A song my son has as a ring tone on his cell phone is Marvin Sapp's Praise You in Advance.
Whatever news the doctor or Pfizer gives us on Tuesday we choose to praise You in advance Lord.
You are worthy
You are awesome
You are my Provider
You are my Savior
You are worth every trial
You are bigger than what we face
You are our focus
You are the same God yesterday, today and Tuesday
You are I AM.
I hope that no matter what you are facing in your life that God will show Himself off to you in a way that will just not only take your breath away, but take you to your knees in praise.
Ladies..He is worth it all. Whether it's a loss of something simple like a job or something so permanently painful like the loss of a child, He is worth it. Know that right now to Him you matter. At this moment, He is watching you and capturing every tear you shed and when you need it most, He will catch you off guard and let You know...
I see you and I love you.