Dwelling

*UPDATE: 4/6/09-1:30PM
Just met with Gene's surgeon. He said that Gene did great and everything went smooth. They removed 2 pins they had placed in last year's surgery and inserted 2 more. They cleaned out an area by removing some bone near a pocket of nerves so it isn't so tight and removed a bone spurr. Thankfully, I know to expect his face to be very swollen. Just imagine having a massage on your back for 6 hours straight. Apparently Gene is singing to his nurse in the recovery room. My guess is he is still pretty sedated then because Gene is very shy when it comes to singing in public. I am just hoping he is singing worship songs and no pre-Jesus stuff. ~smiles~
I won't see him for another hour until he gets up to his room. Thank you again for your sweet prayers. We feel them and I'm sure God's goodness is what he's singing about!
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Well, here I am sitting in the waiting room as my husband's surgery has begun. The doctor said it will be 5-6 hours so I have about 7-8 hours before I get to see him again. We came up to Omaha from Lincoln last night and stayed in the hospital hotel since he had a 5:30 am check in. I'm not a morning person, so this worked well for me to not have to get up at 3:30 to get here on time.



Last year I was not the nicest to Gene post-op and have been feeling the remorse of that. I can blame it on stress all I want, but when it comes down to it I know that the difference between last year and this year is my heart. My focus has changed over the last 365 days.



When I notice things rising up that I know are not pleasing to God, I immediately call upon His name. I'm trying to get stuff stopped at a thought because I know if I don't then eventually my thoughts will become my action and if doesn't please God I want nothing to do with it.




As I've been sitting in the waiting room there have been two women I saw checking in with the receptionist. When asked if they have a family member or friend that will be waiting for them while in surgery, both answered "no". As tears stung my eyes for both of them not even knowing their situations, I wanted to raise my hand and volunteer for the job. I wanted them to know someone would be praying over them even though anesthesia would be escorting them into Happy Land. But instead I just watched and listened. Watched them sit alone in their wheel chairs and listened as they were made aware they would be going on their journey as the Lone Ranger without Tonto.




Even though I physically accompanied Gene last year for his surgery, mentally and emotionally I can honestly say that I was not here for him. He was no different than these two ladies I observed this morning. He checked in alone. He went through the pre-op questions alone. He wasn't prayed over faithfully and if I did pray I approached the throne of grace and mercy with selfishness and pride instead of confidence. I'm sure God didn't even cast a glance my way knowing there was no softness or realness to my heart. I was just a stiff-necked, hard hearted woman sitting in the surgery waiting room.




But oh, what the Savior has done over this last year, over these last few months and especially over these last few days. When He encourages us to trust Him and not to fear, those are not just words He meant for David. They are words from God Himself meant for you and for me to take serious. When He tells us in Jeremiah 29:13-14 to seek Him and then tells us that when we do that He'll be found, He means it. This is not a game of hide and go-seek where He will have a hiding spot that is so good that eventually we'll just give up out of frustration. No, He says you seek me with all your heart and you WILL find me.





So, that is what these last few months especially for me has been like. Taking God at His Word. And I have found that through my Eve-like moments where the forbidden fruit won me over versus the chase of my King, He has loved me. Loved me through the ugly moments as well as the moments of trying to be like the one who washed His holy feet with her hair. He sees me as I am and regardless, He wants me. And He is daily changing me. Conforming and correcting, teaching and disciplining, growing and waiting.




Jesus. He is the One. He is with me when I go in for my heart surgery. Not a physical under the knife heart surgery, but a change of heart. A heart for God. He is praying for me. He is waiting no matter how long the surgery takes. He is the One I know will be in the waiting room interceding on my behalf as His Father , our Great Physician, tries to take these ashes and make them into beauty.



I love Him and am thankful that I see a difference in myself from last year to this year. To God be all the glory. I love You so much Lord.



I will post an update later this afternoon. Thank you for your sweet prayers. You bless me so much. Even though I won't be seeing Gene for a long time, the thought of angels in the OR with him just gets me all excited. I smile as I wonder if for the fun of it they put scrubs on. And I feel comfort in the thought that if they won't even let Gene strike his foot against a stone, surely they will protect him during surgery.
These are the words from God that I am standing on over these next hours my husband and I are apart and I have made the choice to dwell.
I just looked up the word dwell in my pocket edition of Webster's and it says that dwell means to reside and keep the attention directed.

Psalm 91:9-11

If you make the Most High your dwelling---even the LORD, who is my refuge---then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

My shelter is not this waiting room, it's under the protection of the Most High.

God...He is good ladies.

He is worth the chase.

And what I love most about Him is that He doesn't care what road you took to find Him.

I imagine that the floor of the throne room is covered with muddy footprints, but the path away from it is as white as snow.

Seek Him.

Today.

Right now.

Choose to dwell in Him.

Keep your attention directed on Him, not on your circumstance or your bad choices because ladies...He wants us just the way we are...thank You Jesus!

~Many Blessings~