Tuesday, December 9, 2008

As to Lelia...I mean the LORD!

Right now I am currently doing the 6 week Bible study on my own of
If God is in Control,Why do I Have a Headache?
by Debbie Taylor Williams. I'm only on week 2, but I am telling you ladies...powerful.
My life is changing.
It's one of those studies that you can barely wait until tomorrow for and I am excited at the changes God is making in me both spiritually and physically.

I'm also doing the book Love Dare by the directors of the movie Fireproof. I'm being very challenged.
I want God to change my husband Gene, but God's pretty much let me know that I'm the project needing repair right now and to not worry about fixing Gene.
I think He also mumbled something about not needing my help. Ever.
This has been both tough and very neat as I am learning to love Gene God-style. Which means since God doesn't think or act like Lelia, I'm really having to take a close look at myself. Having to humble myself and make the choice to choose change over attitude.

This morning the chapter I read in Love Dare was on loving Gene "As to the Lord". God-style love consists of loving my husband with no conditions put on it which is what I do right now. I love Gene when he interacts with our kids the way I think he should. I love him when he cleans up after himself and I really love him when he chooses to listen to me run my mouth over watching football.

Now don't get me wrong here, Gene and I both have things we needs to work on, but if I choose to focus on Christ and obey what He wants me to do, how He wants me to different will my marriage be?
How different will I be?
How different will my relationship be with God as He sees me trust Him more than myself?
It's hard and often I feel like just giving up and giving in to the plans the enemy has for me, but then I realize that God loves me...imperfections and all. And Gene...imperfections and all I need to love him "As to the Lord".

The night before Thanksgiving I was far from loving "as to the Lord" that one can be. I initiated a fight with Gene and surprisingly he fought back. A fight that left our little bedroom TV broken on the floor.
So godly was I when I picked up the television set and sent it crashing to the floor.

I'm sure Gene awoke the next morning offering thanks for his oh so sweet and not-so-quick-to- anger "gift from God". Truth be told, we hardly spoke Thanksgiving Day and I for sure said no thanks to God for the "thorn in my side".

Oh sweet Love Dare book...the book I tried to not pick up for a few convicting you can be. The words on these pages give me the desire to want to be more like Jesus and if you look at Him he wasn't a

control freak
or a
screaming lunatic
so there is much work to be done in me.

When Jesus got upset with the disciples He didn't throw His sandals at them or stomp away from them. He loved them in spite of their shortcomings.

The other day in If God is in Control, Why Do I Have a Headache? Debbie asked a question that seriously pierced it's way deep through my heart.

God has designed women to be uniquely used for His glory.
Women hold opportunities as
helpmates to husbands and as mothers,
teachers to children,
employees, employers,
and spiritual neighbors to those around us.

Are you on board with God or are you dead weight?

I think when I read that last sentence all breath coming out of me ceased for a moment.

According to an on line dictionary,

dead weight is defined as
The unrelieved weight of a heavy, motionless mass.
An oppressive burden or difficulty.

While the definition of on board is:
Carried or used aboard a vehicle or vessel

In my marriage, with my kids, on my blog, with my family, with my friends, in my church, at I on board with Jesus?

Am I usable to Him or am I a motionless mass?

Am I living a life that says I choose to live this way because I am living..."As to the Lord"?

I want to be on board with my Savior because sooner or later...motionless masses sink.
Guess that means no more throwing of television sets.
Poor least Jesus knew what He was getting into when He chose me.
I tell ya, if it wasn't for the fleshly woman side of'd clearly be able to see my halo.
Know that I love you...

~Many Blessings~

Don't forget...the next YES to GOD Tuesday on line study of

begins right here on Tuesday, January 6, 2009.

Invite a friend to join us!

Click here for more details and join those already signed up!


Yolanda said...

I stand in awe, every time that I think one thing and God shows me just the opposite. Standing at a crossroads, which will I take, the narrow or the broad...hmmmm.

Love ya!

Like CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tammy said...

I can so relate. For the first 12 years of my marriage,it was awful and divorce was always on our lips.

Then a pastor spoke God's truth into our life and we started doing it God's way.About 2 weeks after meeting with the pastor,my husband and I had a BAD fight...I was ready to throw in the towel or tv:)

The night of the fight my husband went to bed angry and there I was stood in the dark telling God I was finished.
Thats when He said "I'm going through you to get to him." I couldn't believed what I had justed heard so I asked Him to repeat it:)

As you know,you can trust God's Word. We've been married 21 years,totally commited to each other and divorce isn't spoken in our house.

I've changed, my husband changed and our children has seen God's hand a work.

I have all the faith in you to do what God has set before you. Keep reading and keep doing.


Jill said...

Great words Lelia. The study sounds like a good one and I just ordered the Love Dare book. This past Sunday our pastor spoke from 1 Peter 3:1-6 all about wives submitting. He presented it all in a wonderful way, but doesn't change the subject matter or make the task any easier! Then in Sunday School we are talking about contentment, so add on another challenge. Anyway your words hit home, know you are not alone in the struggles, I just pray God continues working on both of us. Blessings, Jill

Mel said...

You know I am always blessed by those who are open and let me know that my struggles are not mine alone!!!

Jeankfl said...

I'm always so thrilled when people I admire actually show me some of the work it takes to get there! Then I know I'm NOT hopeless at all!!LOL Thank you for being so transparent, and letting us know those teaching us are, many times, learning it with us! You're a peach, Lelia.. Thank you.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Wow...woman you blow me away. I mean A-WAY. I read this and think, no way, I'm not the only one who acts ungodly. Wow. I use to think maybe I wasn't a true child of God because how could a child of God act the way I did. I know that was only satan.

Woman, I just love you more and more every day.

As I read this (previously knowing briefly about a fight due to your comment on Beth's blog), I still thought "wait they fought Wed. and yet she took the time to call me on Thu." I remember your message saying I was on your mind. In the midst of your struggles, you thought of me.

I am blessed to know you, sweet one.

You are a gem. A gem, I tell ya.
Much love,

Jenny said...

Debbie came to our church a few weeks ago and I picked up that book. I haven't done much with it, but maybe I need too!

Sunday night I taught our Youth group on "fighting fair", then when we got in, the kids started fussing and I'm yelling at them at the bottom of the stairs. (Not sweetly yelling, just all out yelling) And Chad reminds me that I had just been teaching on the need to fight fair. I wanted to knock him down the stairs! LOL

I'm a little prone to be a hot head, I'm making progress but it seems like when I blow it now, it is always more costly!


Paula said...

Wow, the next time I get angry and have to stop myself from losing control, I will remember that..."When Jesus got upset with the disciples He didn't throw His sandals at them or stomp away from them. He loved them in spite of their shortcomings." I have a short fuse and a quick mouth, which results in a slow brain to counteract. Thank you lovely Lelia for once again touching not only my heart but the hearts of many other women with your open and raw words. We ARE only human, we DO have shortcomings, but we are BLESSED to have a Lord and Saviour who loves us in spite of everything. Thank you again special lady, Paula :-) xo

Laura said...

oh, honey. God has done the husband-work thing on me, and I did not like it. It took me thirteen years before I let Him have it. Do you know what He did? He changed my husband's heart in the blink of an eye and after 13 years of me manipulating, it only took God a snap to get that man baptized and into church.

That'll teach me.

You keep giving it to Him!

Love you!


Carol said...


I've missed reading your blogs, and you too. I'm back and feeling better. What a blessing you are in your honesty and truthfulness when you share your life.

You always give me so much to think about, and so many books I want to read.

I'm with you I don't want to be dead weight. I've felt that way the last few weeks. Anyway.

I've been thinking alot about you your family. I continue to pray for you all.

Carol :)

LynnSC said...

Oh girl,

I love your honesty. I have done my share of ungodly temper tantrums... only to feel ridiculous afterwards.

There are so many things that I would love to change about the people in my life... only... God keeps reminding me that if I'm in the mood for change... maybe I am the only one willing to change... so I try my best to surrender. Not always an easy task. I do my fair share of throwing a fit.

Love you girl,

Oh yea... I have something for you at my blog.

StitchinByTheLake said...

You know, Lelia, that wanting your husband to be different is the universal dream of all women. :) We either want them to be at home more often, be more romantic, be more helpful, be less messy, or .... fill in the blank. It makes me wonder what it is they want different in their women! Accepting that they aren't going to change, and neither are we, is a huge hurdle. But once you clear that hurdle the race gets lots easier. God is making your husband into the man HE wants him to be - not the man you want him to be. And God always wins! blessings, marlene

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

AS USUAL... you're givin me LOTS to think about.*
There sure is absolute TRUTH in the fact that you can't change "anybody else" other than yourself. And that truth hits me right between thee eyes!
Ya know Lelia Chealey,... I was just poppin in to say howdy... and once again, I'm leaving... thinking higher and better. (GOD STYLE) God sure USES YOU GIRL! More than you can imagine.

Wanda said...

Wow...Leila thank you for your transparency. Often Christians want the world around them to think they have it all together.

My husband likes to call our fights (from the pulpit by the way) "intense fellowship"! And believe me, we have sinfully had many intense fellowships in our 19 year marriage. One thing I can that we have always practiced forgiveness (still that doesn't make sinful behavior ok).

I came from a fighting dysfunctional home.....he came from a ministry family (not perfect...but different than mine).
The hardest part of behaving poorly in our relationships is the shame of it. We usually realize after the fact how terribly we behaved and feel like failures.
I pray that you will continue to be open and share. Folks need to know that Christians fall and get back up.
Thanks for sharing the good books too.

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

I don't know if you meant this to but I am smiling with what you wrote. I can visualize it as if I was there. You are such a dear dear friend and I love your openness and honestly-it teaches and encourages us. The TV, hu? Maybe God wanted it out of the bedroom? Just a thought (he!he!he!).

What a sweet blessing you are to your husband, your family, your ministry and us!! Don't let satan convence you otherwise.

Love you!!

In His Graces~Pamela

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Thank you for sharing the truth of your heart in this post. Marriage is darn tough. I know it profoundly today! And while I haven't broken any tv's as of late, my words have leveled accordingly. Praying like mad for some restoration and healing in your household and in mine.

Love your heart, as always.


Liz said...

ouch. I bought the Love Dare book several weeks ago. I haven't even cracked open the pages. Satan knows just where and when to strike. As soon as I bought the book, my husband's presence was annoying and the last thing I wanted was to act daring in my love. Many years have been spent, like you and many other's, trying to change my husband, when all along God tells me He doesn't need my help. He also tells me that I should be listening to what He has to say to me, and some of it is in that book, I know. After reading your post, I am challenged, again, to begin the work. I will pray for you as I move through it.