Dogs stay, husband goes

Last night on yahoo news, the title of an article caught my eye,

"The lady who swapped her husband for 10 dogs".

Say what?

Here is the subtitle of the article:

10 years ago a Singapore lady gave up her marriage for 10 stray dogs.

Now she has more than 200, and doesn't regret her decision at all.

The more I read about this woman, the more disbelief surrounded me.

I just finished reading Completely His by Shannon Ethridge. Amazing book. One thing she teaches about is how when we have Jesus in our heart, we are the bride of Christ.

Shannon points things out in this book about that role we take on that kept my attention captive, such as this,

"We are all invited into an intimate love relationship with Jesus, regardless of our heritage, our social status, or our gender.

All that is required is that we submit to Him as our heavenly Bridegroom and love Him with a bridal love".

She also points out that before we said yes to God, He knew we'd be unfaithful to Him.

"It's hard to imagine that a groom would commit himself to an unfaithful bride, but this is exactly what God has done with you and me".

The lady in the article mentioned above gave up her marriage for her love of stray dogs.

One day her husband gave her an ultimatum -- either the dogs went, or he did.

The dogs won.

How sad for that man, I thought.

But then I started thinking about my walk with Christ, my marriage to Christ, and I thought of all the meaningless things I have swapped Him out for.

Things that "won".

~Relationships that brought Him no glory

~Ungodly attitudes

~An affair

~Ridiculous spending habits

Gene and I have been married for 10 years. Standing at the altar together if I had said to him,

"I Lelia take you Gene, to be my husband, to honor and cherish, but I'm not going to be faithful to you. I'm going to lie and sneak and cheat on you. Oh and I will get pregnant from this affair and hide my lying life style by having an abortion. In sickness and health, 'till death do us part".

If Gene knew ahead of time that I was not going to keep my vows, he would've said, "See ya" and turned and walked out of that church on 9th and Claremont Streets on that hot summer day in June. Out the door and never to be heard of again.

Same thing with the groom in Singapore. Had he known she would choose canines over him within a decade, no way would he have taken her as his wife. One thing she said about her ex-husband is this, "If he loves me, he should accept me for who I am".

Jesus Christ.

He knows us.

He accepts us for who we are.

And still says I do.

I do want her all to Myself.

I do want to use her ugly past for My glory.

I do love her as is.

I do want to be the God of her Is (present), Was (past) and Is to Come (future).

Are you swapping out anything for Jesus?

Just like the Singapore groom gave his wife an ultimatum Christ gives us one in

Revelation 3:16

So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Whoa.

As that man didn't want dogs to be his wife's #1 priority, God wants nothing or nobody to come before Him.

I need to be swapping out some junk in my life for Jesus.

I need to trust my Bridegroom enough to completely surrender to Him. Every day.

I need to be on fire for the God who loves me regardless of my unfaithful heart beating within my chest. Because being spit out by God is much worse than the sting of rejection that man felt when his wife chose dogs over their marriage.

I love you Jesus!

Reflection

I love this verse...

Ephesians 5:1

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children

Whenever I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop, our 23 month old granddaughter, Amiyah wants to help me. She knows she is not supposed to touch my computer, so she will put her little fingers right to the edge of it and once in awhile reach up and do what she thinks is typing. She is what we call "hard-headed" as she does not give up easily. Sometimes she just continues to do what she wants, and ends up getting in a little bit of toddler trouble.

She wants to copy what I am doing no matter what it may cost her.

Then I saw it at Walgreens one day right before Christmas.

A pink "real" looking laptop.

Best sixteen bucks I've ever spent.

She loves this thing and every time she comes over insists on getting it out and "working".

Here is a picture of her and aunt Alivia working away.

As soon as she saw Alivia on the couch, Amiyah ran her little bow-legged self to get her laptop.

And bless Alivia's patient heart, Amiyah sat right next to her and imitated

every move her Auntie made.

At almost 2 years old she wants to do what her Mommy, Grandma, Aunt and even what

Uncle Aaron and Grandpa does.

She is a little imitator of all she sees us do.

In the picture above she was a mini-me version of Alivia;

a reflection of the 8 year old she sat beside.

Who are you imitating today?

Who are you a reflection of?

Are you willing to copy Jesus, no matter what the cost may be?

I wish I could say God to the first 2 questions and yes to the third everyday, but I'd be lying.

He is what I strive to be like, but I know some days the devils' horns sprout up from underneath my hair and just knock my halo right to the ground.

Thankfully, one thing about His mercies...they are new every morning.

Really Believe

Song of Solomon 4:7

You are altogether beautiful, my love;

there is no flaw in you.

Valentine's Day.

Big money maker for flower shops, restaurants and Hallmark.

Valentine's Day is when your better half is supposed to acknowledge their unending love for you.

But what if you don't get a flower, a card or even a candlelight dinner?

What if you are single and you don't have a significant other that will express their love to you?

What if you're the only one at work that won't be surprised by a dozen red roses delivered to your desk?

So many women feel very lonely and left out on this day.

Ignored, shunned and down right forgotten.

Whether they have a ring on their finger or hopes of having one someday, women feel as if they are not good enough. All because the world says that on this one day of the year, you need to be lavished with gifts wrapped in red paper and a teddy bear that says I Love You across its chest or you are nothing.

But what if we really believed that there is Someone crazy in love with us?

Not just on February 14th, but since before we were born?

One that expressed His love for us in such a deep way, that no store bought gift can compare to its value of sacrifice.

What if we really believed that a King, A KING is enthralled by our beauty?

What if on this day of expected love we really believed that this King has plans for us?

Great plans that doesn't include one forced night of romance, but 365 days of wooing us with His passion for us?

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm a woman that longs for this stuff to happen on the 14th of February like the next woman, but how much self worth do I invest in this man made holiday?

Is the way I feel about myself altered if Gene doesn't sweep me off my feet?

Do I feel worthless if Gene doesn't meet my expectations?

With the aisles of stores being splashed with hearts and candy the day after Christmas, it easily can be that way. It's hard to ignore that many women will be spoiled on Sunday. I can go to bed on Sunday night feeling unloved, uncared for and unappreciated OR I can choose to rest in the fact that Jesus Christ loves me more than Gene is ever capable of loving me.

There are many single women who will wake up Sunday morning with depression weighing heavily on their hearts. Many women who want to wait for Mr. Right to come along, but in the midst of their waiting become willing to give themselves away for a cheap box of chocolates. Chocolates that will melt away as fast as their self esteem. Just so they aren't alone on this day.

But what if this year was different and she really believed she is worthy of a King's love?

That she is worth the wait.

Even if that means falling asleep alone?

What if she gets in between her sheets Sunday night with a smile on her face because she knows that it is the angels, not the devil doing a victory dance over her choice to let Christ be her Valentine?

If you have asked Jesus Christ into your life then your heart is already taken.

You are spoken for.

You have the Ultimate Lover.

Not just on Valentine's Day, but every day.

You have a Valentine that didn't capture you by shooting an arrow through your heart, but instead, because He let soldiers drive nails through His hands and feet. For you.

Because He really believed you are worth dying for.

I don't know if Valentine's Day is a day that makes you feel unworthy and unloved, but if it has in the past why not look at it through a different lens this year? Instead of dreading it, expect much this Sunday. Expect to be shown a unique love from the only One that knows how to fill the empty holes of your heart to overflowing. Expect to be amazed and made to feel special and chosen because you are. Because the Son of God thinks that you are worthy enough to come to earth with one purpose: to give His life for yours.

He loves you and wants you to know it.

Let Him.

Author Shannon Ethridge puts it best in her book I'm currently reading, Completely His, when she said this:

"We are incomplete, imperfect, and impatiently craving that which our souls cannot find apart from an intimate relationship with our loving God".

So this Sunday, let Him be the lover of your soul.

Let Jesus romance you in a way you never thought possible.

I bet if you allow yourself to be loved on by your King, the two of you will look a lot like this...

I happen to capture this sweet moment between our grand babies,

Juliana and Amiyah.

A great visual of

True Love Forever

*Click here to visit P31's Rachel Olsen's blog to read other entry's in her Devotional Carnival on the topic of Love.

*Also...click here to be a part of an exciting opportunity with P31's Wendy Blight!

The fruit of the Spirit is crooked. Again.

Last night I was going from the kitchen to the living room when I noticed that yet again a picture above the kitchen table was crooked.

As I went to fix it, I read the words on my favorite picture.

love

joy

peace

patience

kindness

goodness

faithfulness

gentleness

self-control

As I was straightening the picture for the 2nd or 3rd time this week, I got to thinking about if I'm portraying any of the fruit of the Spirit in my life toward my family.

Or like the picture that refuses to stay straight, is my life crooked and off balanced,

unable to produce any evidence that the Holy Spirit resides in me?

LOVE

Did my husband feel love from me last night when I had to win our discussion/argument?

JOY

Do my kids see joy in my face when I see them after being apart for 8 hours?

PEACE

Is my home a peaceful or tension filled place to be? Is it a haven or hell on earth for my family?

PATIENCE

Do I get frustrated when things aren't done on my timing?

KINDNESS

Does my family see me treat the mailman nicer than I treat them?

GOODNESS

Does goodness come pouring out of my heart or does selfish motives?

FAITHFULNESS

Am I committed to God no matter what?

GENTLENESS

What do my kids or husband hear in my voice when I answer their many questions?

SELF-CONTROL

When life gets stressed do I go to God's Word or straight to the kitchen.

What do I feed myself when I feel pressure?

We can be our harshest critics, that is for sure, but I really believe when we tear ourselves down we don't let God do what He wants to do within us.

So as I was reflecting on how I've been this week and going through each fruit, I started to get down on myself when my phone alerted me of an e-mail.

And I read these words unexpectedly received from my friend Lysa...

I'm so proud of you Lelia for the way you are so tenderly responsive to God's heart. I know you struggle with things sometimes but don't ever lose sight of the amazing way God created you to constantly respond in obedience to His voice.

WOW! Isn't God good?

He knew I needed this message.He used Lysa to send it to me and she had no idea the thoughts running through my mind.

And so now I had to either receive the message or dismiss it and not believe it. I chose to receive it and let God speak to my heart.

He above anyone else knows my heart.

He knows I don't get this right.

He knows I try, but fail.

He knows I don't try to act like a know it all, but instead I seek the One Who does.

The truth of it is...no matter how hard we try, we ARE going to fail sisters.

We are going to wake up with the best intentions of living out this Christian walk, only to crawl into bed at night with bloody scrapes on our elbows and knees from all the falls we endured throughout our day.

There will be those days that strangers see beautiful spiritual produce in our lives while our loved ones only see rotten bruised up fruit coming from our hearts.

But that is why we must have Daily Dependence on God as Lysa taught in a conference recently.

Daily seeking Him.

Daily relying on Him.

Daily calling on Him.

Daily trusting Him.

Daily quieting ourselves to listen to Him.

Because when we don't our lives become unbalanced and we are producing

not so lovely, no joy, tense, impatient, unkind, selfish, unfaithful, rough, out of control fruit and we don't want anything to do with that.

Seek Him and see how balanced your life can become.

When we are connected to the Vine daily, He makes fruit come from our hearts that we never thought was possible.

What do I still lack?

About a week and half ago I attended a women's conference put on by the beautiful women's ministry team of Blue Valley Baptist Church in Overland Park, Kansas called MORE Abundantly. I wanted to go because my dear friends whom I met through blogging, Lysa TerKeurst and her assistant, Holly Good would be there for the weekend. Lysa was booked as the speaker and for months I had waited for this weekend to get here.

The Saturday before the conference I finally found my way to the church website to check out the conference details and about cried when I figured out that the ticket was out of my price range. Trust me when I say hearing Lysa speak is worth paying any dollar amount, but due to Gene being on disability and so forth our funds are limited. After talking with Kelley, who was going with me and deciding we both couldn't do this, I sadly emailed Holly and just briefly told her I wasn't going to be able to attend after all, but perhaps we could still get together for a lunch or dinner.

How many of us know that when God wants us to be somewhere He will work out the details? I received an email on Monday morning saying that my ticket would be paid for if I could still go. The prideful girl in me began to type back through tear filled eyes her response of thanks and refusal of the ticket. That is when the girl inside me who desperately begs Jesus to invade her life, pushed prideful girl out of her way and deleted the message before it was sent. Instead, I sent a response of how blessed I felt and I accepted the gift. I took what I had put aside for my ticket and Kelley was able to attend also. God wanted us there and there would be no blocking His blessings on this day.

Not only did He give us a great conference and time of meeting other lovers of Jesus, He gave us time after the conference with Lysa and Holly. Their flight was delayed until the next morning and so we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and a movie where there was unlimited popcorn.

Great time of fellowship, laughter and memory making.Kelley, Lelia, Lysa and Holly

I have read and hosted blog studies on a few of Lysa's books and I love reading her blog, so I am familiar with parts of her testimony. But I am telling you, just like I told her over lunch, reading about what God has done in her life versus hearing it is just two different things. My eye makeup didn't stand a chance that weekend as every session Lysa shared, the tears would come. Not so much by what she was saying, but how God was using her to speak directly to my heart. He got my attention that weekend.

Like I told my husband and Mom after the conference ended Saturday afternoon, "I have attended a lot of women's conferences, but never have I felt one to be so personal". I love when God does stuff like that. Just wraps those scarred hands around your heart, refusing to let go no matter how hard or emotional it gets until His love for you cannot be denied.

All week leading up to the conference I had prayed not only for Lysa, Holly and Kelley, but also for myself. That God would open my ears and heart to receive what He had for me. I knew He had something for me and the excitement of not knowing exactly what made me feel like a little kid on their birthday. You know there is something underneath that wrapping paper, you just don't know what the gift is. And so with much expectation of my King I arrived in KC Friday evening.

I'm going to come back this week and share bits and parts of the conference with you, but this is the part I want to share today. Lysa first told us the story in Matthew 19: 16-30 about the rich young man. She really focused on the last part of verse 20 where the man asked Jesus a question.

"What do I still lack?"

One thing Lysa challenged us to do is to ask God,

"What is the one thing that I am lacking

that keeps me from having

an incredible relationship with You?".

That following Monday morning about 4 in the morning, I had gotten up out of a hard sleep to use the bathroom and before I was even out of bed I asked God that question. I remember thinking later that morning when I was more alert, how cool that was to know that in my sleep, I was thinking of that part of the conference.

Well, it is something I've been praying about and asking God since the weekend of January 15th and I finally got my answer this week. In the ice on my driveway of all places. I know, weird. But God made it so clear to me.

Nebraska is not on God's list right now of "States to Bless" because we have been in snow, ice and temps that even an Eskimo would be ticked about. We have been in this weather for a really long time now. Well usually when it snows either Gene or Aaron scoop our driveway, but with Gene's back surgeries and Aaron's back injury and my refusal to do such a task, I let it slide this winter. And that is exactly what I've been doing since the snow storms; sliding up and down our driveway that is covered with ice. My sweet Dad did bring his snowblower over and removed the snow, but underneath the snow was lots of ice. So much, that when I get out of the car I feel as if I'm on an ice skating rink as the sidewalk too is covered.

Anyway, earlier this week after I dropped the kids off at school, I pulled into the driveway and noticed there were two black objects lying on the passenger side of the drive. Wondering what it was, I went around the car to get a closer view.

Lo and behold, it was a pair of Aaron's socks. I guessed that the night before when he got out of the car he must have dropped them. Knowing when he got in the car this morning he had to have seen them, I was a little irritated as to why he would just leave them. I soon discovered that the reason being, they have become one with the ice. I tried to pull them up, but unless I used a shovel or something sharp to chip away the ice, those socks were not moving. So, since there is no way right now of getting them out, Aaron has decided to wait until the ice thaws.

So there in my driveway for all who walk up to my house to see are two very large Nike socks stiff as a board incased in ice. Right next to the leaves we never got raked in the fall. And with this weather I just may have socks in the driveway until June. Very nice.

But this is what God showed me here.

Through some dirty, frozen basketball socks embedded in the ice on my driveway, God showed me what my heart looks like from His seat on the throne.

I've been asking Him to change me, begging actually and yet He sees that I keep parts of my heart in ice. Parts that He would have to chip away at to get to. Parts of my life I think I can handle on my own.

Lysa talked about how she too had tried keeping parts of her life away from God. Giving Him permission to invade all other areas, but not her family. He could have her ministry, her home, but stay back from my family.

And what did God do with those limitations?

He expanded her territory through an unthinkable adoption of her two boys from Liberia that she heard sing in a choir. He took the one area of her heart incased in ice and slowly melted it until He had her complete surrender and she allowed herself to be called Mom by five instead of three.

God is good. God is great. But He doesn't just want my lips to ask Him what I lack from having an incredible relationship with Him, He wants my heart to melt into the relationship He wants to enjoy with me.

So as I examine my heart I see things such as attitude, control and fear on the frozen side and the desire to love, surrender and have unshakable faith on the warm side of my heart. It's time to let Jesus melt the ice away and get into those areas of my life that I have not given Him permission to have full access to.

In church this past weekend,the pastor spoke of how we have a call to greatness. He quoted Mother Teresa as saying,

"Let Jesus use you without consulting you,

and you will be holy because you belong to Him".

Hmmm...I am lacking surrender and God let me know it this week.

For some reason, God doesn't want to be consulted by some woman in Nebraska that thinks she knows what's best.

Instead, He wants access to her heart and life.

24/7 kind of access.

I want to pass on Lysa's challenge of asking God,

"What is the one thing I am lacking

that keeps me from having

an incredible relationship with You?"

And don't put any limitations to where He can show you His answer.

Could just be in a pair of frozen socks.

Please pray for Lysa as she is choosing peace over panic from unexpected events happening in her life. Please click here to let her know she is in your prayers.

Blah blah blah....

Have you ever tuned someone out while their talking to you?

The other day my 8 year old was asking me a lot of questions.

I mean a lot.

I think I tuned her out. Not on purpose, but I think I did.

Unless she was really saying,"blah, blah, blah, blah, blah", because that's what I heard.

I know, what a horrible Mom.

Definitely not the best thing to admit if I were trying for the Mother of the Year award.

But I can't help it sometimes.

I do love the sound of her voice though if that counts for anything.

Anyway, as a Mom, when bombarded with question upon question, have you ever given the deep, logical answer of "Because I told you so"? I have and I still do sometimes, but child #3 doesn't settle for such an answer. She wants something more. Something that makes her brain roll around until she has an understanding of why I answered her the way I did.

Have you ever gotten the answer "Because I told you so" from God?

If so, has it been good enough or do you press Him for a deeper reason of why not or why?

Is His grace sufficient enough for you or do you need to know what happened behind the scenes?

I don't know. Sometimes I wish He would just spell it out really clear.

But then again, perhaps He does in His Word and I just totally miss it.

Maybe I tune Him out like I sometimes do with Liv.

Because if I'm real honest, sometimes when I'm reading His Word all I see is "blah blah blah", but that's because of me, not Him.

Oh how I must focus more on Him and His Word and not take my time with Him for granted.

And I need to do the same with my girl. Because soon all she will hear from me is "blah blah blah" and right now...she hangs on my every word. She's attentive when I speak and she wants to learn from me.

Now that's the type of daughter I need to be to my Heavenly Father.

Amazing Grace...even in the aftermath of a quake

Yesterday I was just in a rotten mood.
Not sure what triggered it, but it lasted all. Day. Long.
Which for those around me makes for them a very long day too.
The perfect topper to my day was at 8:30 at night on my way to pick up my son from a basketball game.I followed a car through a yellow light and
just as I entered the intersection, the yellow turned to red.
So naturally, I gunned it so the oncoming traffic to my right and left wouldn't hit me.




That's when I saw the light show in my rear view mirror.
A twelve year old policeman pulled me over.
I was so proud of myself as I quietly took my ticket instead of releasing pre-Jesus Lelia on his youthful looking self like my flesh so badly wanted to do.




I picked up my son and he made me, no, forced me to go work out.
My sister and I have been doing the 30 Day Shred video by Jillian Michaels for 2 weeks now and I stupidly hired my son to keep me motivated. Stupid of me because he's taking it serious and has no mercy.
After getting ticketed, while driving to pick up Aaron, I told myself (out loud and rather convincingly) that I was not going to go work out.
But Aaron wanted to earn his 5 bucks for the week for keeping me on track and he clearly didn't care about what kind of day his Momma had. So off we went to my sisters and I'm so glad I did. It was a great workout and released a lot of the frustration I was feeling.






Later that night I started thinking about what is happening overseas.
So many children without a family, a home, clothes, food or familiarity.
I saw an interview the other day with this man who had gone to Haiti and said that even in the midst of all the death and devastation, he could hear the people singing Amazing Grace.




Amazing Grace in the middle of a disaster that not even the best weatherman could predict.


And here I am in the States boldly complaining about my "bad" day. How disgusting.
Today, I saw and kissed on all 3 of my beautiful children and 2 granddaughter's faces.
My husband and I went to the grocery store and returned home to a hot meal in the oven.
My daughter laid out her clean clothes for her next school day.
My son hung out with his friends at a basketball game.




We went through normal life today.
Our home may be messy, but it's intact.
Our family and friends are still alive and well.
My kids weren't picked up by strangers and taken away from all they know.
All my kids know wasn't wiped out by the shaking of the earth.
Schools are in session.
Food and water is in abundance.




So, I ask myself...How the heck can you claim that you had a bad day?
I mean, really what was so bad about it?
Work?
The ticket?
The piles of snow everywhere?
Why not be thankful you have places to go and try driving through an intersection only when you have a green light?






The summer of '08 I attended the writers/speakers conference, She Speaks.
I returned home with more than great feedback, wonderful memories and friends for life.
I came home with a little girl from El Salvador.




Not physically, of course, but one of the last things that Proverbs 31 Ministries gave us before we headed home was the wonderful opportunity to become a Compassion sponsor.
Over the last 19 months, we have received many letters from our little friend all hand written in Spanish and kindly translated to English.
Beautiful pictures she has drawn for us.
And prayers. She prays for us. And she asks us for prayers.
It has been an honor to sponsor her.
I've never shared this here on my blog, but now is a good time to do so.

Haiti needs us right now.
And Compassion has many kids in Haiti.
Unfortunately, some sponsors have lost their sponsored children as they were killed in the quake.
With so much loss, I'm sure many new faces will join in hopes of being able to ask someone in the US of A to pray for them and to pray for their sponsor.

Below is the button you can click on to see how you can help out.

Do whatever God prompts you to do.

Today, I choose not to be in a bad mood, because a rotten attitude is a choice.
Disasters such as Haiti tends to put bad hair days in perspective.


Instead, I thank God for my life and who is in it.
I will lift up the precious people in Haiti.
And with all my heart I believe that somehow, some way, the Giver of grace Who is beyond amazing will be glorified.
While the streets of Haiti smell of death, may the sweet aroma of Jesus Christ fill the hearts of those left to live out this hell on earth.
May our Lord and Savior become known through the the people sent there to help.


We love You Jesus and no matter how someone comes to know You...You are worth it.

Haiti Earthquake

Beauty from Ashes

This past weekend Alivia, our 8 year old daughter accompanied me to see Kelley and her wonderful family. For 6 months I have planned to attend a women's conference that Lysa TerKeurst would be speaking at in KC. I couldn't wait to hear Lysa speak and spend time with Kelley, Lysa and her assistant/BFF Holly.

I didn't check the church website until the week before the conference and found out the conference price was out of me and Kelley's price range so we couldn't attend after all.
Well, God had something different in mind.




Unexpectedly, He provided our way to the conference and so with great expectation of experiencing His greatness over the weekend I headed to KC on Friday afternoon.
Little did I know all He had planned to show me in 48 hours.

Saturday afternoon, I told my husband and my Mom, "I have been to a lot of women's conferences over the years, but never have I felt that one was more personal than this one was".
I know I'm not the only one who was touched by something said or sung this weekend. But God used Lysa to deliver a message this weekend directly from Him straight into my heart.

After each session I would vow the next session I would not cry, but when God is getting your attention so deeply, the tears cannot be stopped. So I just stopped trying to have perfect eye makeup and let the tears flow.




I'm not going to share tonight about the conference as my heart and mind are still trying to unwrap the gift God has placed in my lap and I really feel He has put something else on my heart. I will be back later this week to share some more, but tonight I have something else to write.




There are many of us that have history we wish never existed. Shameful things. Things that make your head hang.
Choices that were deliberately made that had consequences attached that at the time seemed unbearable.
Some women can escape a lifestyle so filled with shame and enter into a new life that there's no question that Jesus is her BFF.
And then there are women that escape their old lifestyle, but continuously beat themselves up over a past that Jesus already forgave them for, but they can't fully accept His grace. And soon they find themselves in the same old pit again.




I have no idea why this is on my heart, but I just need to share it.
This post is for that woman who knows Jesus, loves Jesus, but finds herself returning to her old self because simply said, she doesn't feel good enough. It's written for women like myself.
One who doesn't think she's good enough to be used by a King that chose her.
Or worthy enough to be loved by a King that adores her.
Or even loved enough to allow her King to cut the strings of her past still attached to her heart.




God really is crazy about you. I mean really crazy about you.
You know the kind of crazy that gives you butterflies in your stomach?
I bet He gets those when you call out His name. When you shout it and when you whisper it.
I bet His heart pounds a little harder when you cry as He reaches to catch your falling tears.




And He sees you. Day in and day out. He is watching over you.
And although His heart grieves when you choose to walk through mud because you are convinced you don't deserve different, He still loves you.
Doesn't matter how dirty you get throughout your day or night, He loves you.




A few months ago I met a little girl.
3 years old little.
She is one of those girls who catches your breath.




When I first met her, I had Amiyah, my 22 month old granddaughter with me.
It was a sweet meeting.
Even though Amiyah is a year younger than her, the big sister kicked in and she wanted to take care of our new friend.
And then she wanted to kiss and hug her.
And so they did.
And then she just wanted to play with her.
And so they did.






When I see our little friend, we make each other laugh.
And we hug and give each other kisses.
And I tell her she's beautiful and she agrees with me by smiling and saying "yah".
Here is a picture of me with our little friend. She loves taking her picture.














Four months ago she was at a family celebration and fell into a pot of boiling oil.
Head first.
The only area of her tiny body that is not burned is her precious little feet.




When I look at her she takes my breath away.
But not because of the obvious scars.
Look into her pretty brown eyes and look at that smile and tell me you don't see joy.
She is what beautiful is all about.
She is Beauty.




And I truly believe that this is how God sees us ladies.
He doesn't see our scars from bad decisions we've made.
He doesn't see what we think may not be so pretty...He sees beauty.
True and innocent beauty.





When I met this little one, I didn't tell her Mom to call me when she looked like she did before the burns. I loved her from the beginning.

And that is how it is with Jesus, but only better.

We have a Savior that loves us As Is.

With Him it is truly love at first sight of us.

There are no requirements to receive His love.

He doesn't accept us after we look like we did before we made bad choices.

All we have to do is accept His love.

And He is the One that takes our ashes from the burns we received from the pot of sin we fell into and turns them into beauty.

One thing I learned from Lysa's message this weekend was that we must have

Daily Dependence on God.

Not just in an emergency.

Not once a month or just on Sunday.

But daily.

Jesus loves and adores you so much.

And honestly, that is such an understatement.

No more coupons with Christ

The other day I was throwing out some junk mail.

Weekly we are bombarded with coupons for restaurants and oil change places.

But one coupon caught my eye.

Perhaps because it was about eye surgery.

It was a coupon for $500.00 off of eye surgery that would give you perfect vision.

No more glasses or contacts.

Just perfect sight.

I don't know if any of you ever watched the show King of Queens, but the main characters are a married couple named Doug and Carrie. Doug was always doing things that would tick Carrie off. One of the things he did was buy her eye surgery for her birthday because he wanted to get her something she couldn't return as she never kept any of his gifts.

She had the surgery and ended up blind. When it was revealed that he had used a coupon she became furious. She couldn't believe that he would use a coupon on something so important.

It was a pretty funny episode and she got her 20/20 vision when he took her to a new doctor and paid full price to get her eyes repaired.

What came to my mind is how sometimes I do that with God.

Sometimes instead of living a life full of abundance from my Savior, I choose to use a coupon.

I want to see His plans that He has for my life, but I don't want to obey Him.

I want to see my children live a life full of Jesus, but I don't commit time to pray for them.

I want to see Christ as the center of our marriage, but my flesh wants to flirt with the devil.

I want to see the branches of my life produce fruit, but I don't stay connected to the Vine.

If I want to see Jesus in my life, my marriage and my children,

then I can't expect to give Jesus half of me and get all of Him.

I must surrender.

I must stay connected to Him through His Word and prayer.

Not when I feel like it, but all of the time.

So hard, but completely possible because we serve a God that says so.

I love the Message version of Mark 10:27

Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself.

Every chance in the world if you let God do it".

No more coupons with Christ

because from my ongoing testimony it is evident that

when I try to cut corners with Jesus I don't save anything,

but it can cost me everything.

So not worth it.

2010: A Year of Failure or Jesus?

The first day of a new year is filled with so much promise.
Every year Resolutions taps on the shoulder of Bad Habits and asks to cut in and become my new dance partner. And with Determination and Hope twirling around me, making life look so good, I accept his offer. As he takes my hand we begin to twirl around the dance floor of life and my mind begins to whirl. Soon I become fixated on making this year of my life different and better than the last 38 I've lived.




With new goals, a new calendar, Jillian's 30 Day Shred exercise video, my 40th coming up this fall, I am a firm believer that 2010 is the year for change.
Permanent, positive and personal change.


But the problem is, I say that every year. I feel that rush of motivation every 365 days.
And the first couple months of the new year it looks hopeful.
And then I have no idea what makes me stop with the positive change and revert to habits I thought I had lost for good.


Looking back over 2009, a lot happened.
Change happened.
In my heart as well as in my life.


This summer, I became a Grandma of another little blessing dressed in pink.
Gene had his 3rd back surgery and had to go on disability, but thanks be to God, he is walking!




Ended some unhealthy relationships in my life.
Thankful for the season of one of the friendships, but ready to leave it in the past with peace from knowing that it's okay to love from a distance, even if it's in the same zip code.
Learned that boundaries are a good thing to put in place.




When life got tougher, I learned to stop wallowing in self pity and take God at His Word and focus on Him rather than myself. I have to daily chant "more of Him, less of me" as a constant reminder though and honestly, sometimes I just fail and keep my gaze in the mirror until I host and attend my own pity party.


I thank God so much for the people He has placed in my life...
*My wonderful blessing of a family, intermediate and extended.
*Godly girlfriends:
Charlene H,
Jodi D,
Kelley K,
Kim F (FYI: We're friends for life...no matter where God leads you & Tony to worship Him. Just saying.)
Laurie L,
Maya C,
Michelle~my sweet sister,
Shalana C,
Sheila T and
Sheryl B.


*All the wonderful women of God I've met in blog land. Way too many to name, but you know who you are.
But I do need to mention one...


Paula from the beautifully written blog, His Ways who graciously stepped in at short notice and took over the current Yes to God study I was leading when I found myself unable to do it.
What a blessing this woman has been not only to me, but many.
Plus she is loves eating frosting out of a can. My kind of friend!


*The many ministries in blog land that teach and stretch me~from author and speakers that are about as real as they come, like Lysa TerKeurst and Lisa Whittle to ordinary housewives and single women who are just trying to make it through the day. To women like Rebecca who praised Jesus when she welcomed her little baby boy into the world this past June, to women like Mel who praised Jesus as He welcomed her 12 year old son into heaven this past December. There are so many women of God in blog land to learn from and get to know.





I've watched, prayed over and admired my son Aaron while he has endured some really tough times this school year.



So being only a few days into the new year, I have to wonder about the next 12 months.
Twenty ten or two thousand ten...how will I end it?
Will I be a list maker at the beginning of January and a quitter by February 2010?
OR
Will I commit my plans to the Lord and watch Him unfold them in ways I never even thought possible?




What will this year look like if I truly take God at His Word?
I want to know.
I really do.



So can I let go of the hand of Resolutions? Let go of the hand of Bad Habits?
Can I become still and wait as my King approaches me on the dance floor and asks me to dance with Him?




Will I say yes as I put down my own agenda and just follow His lead?
Go where Jesus Christ goes and where He tells me to go?
Will I trust Him? Trust in Him?
Believe Him? Believe in Him?
Will I love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind?


Somehow I think if I can die to myself and say yes and truly seek Him, that this dance will be like no other.
It just can't be, because He is like no other.




I want more of Him. I want Him to really be my all. My center. My focus.
My dance partner for life.


I want to seek His approval, His opinion and His will.
I want Him to teach me new dance steps.
I want Him to teach me how to be a faithful dance partner in my words, thoughts and actions.





And I want to not panic when He leaves me alone on the dance floor and just watches me.
I want to trust that He still is with me. Even when it feels like I'm all alone.
Abandoned.
Forgotten.


I want to pull out Scripture from my heart and shout it at my Enemy when I recognize that he is trying to cut in on my dance with my Savior. Lord knows, I have danced with Satan enough and it's nothing but a dance of shame, regret and self pity and I want nothing to do with it.






So 2010 I start off dancing.
Dancing with my King.
He has already showed Himself off in ways I can't even begin to wrap my mind around and we're only on day five!!!


And so here is to another year.
A year of change and of growth.
A year of more of Him and way less of me.

And somehow, I believe from what I have learned over the last year through God's Word and in these books I've read and am reading that if I let God really have His way with my life,

then I will

Become More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

I will then find out

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith

and

What Happens When Women say Yes to God.

If I let God change what He doesn't want to leave the same about me, then perhaps I'll see what He sees.

That

Behind Those Eyes

is a woman whose

Self Talk Soul Talk

wants to line up with God's words and thoughts of me.

But until I really surrender my all to Him and let Him become my All,

then I will never have the joy of experiencing an

An Untroubled Heart.

And Lord knows, I do not want to end 2010 with a heart condition that is fearful of letting God be first place in my life.

Been there,

done that

and the changes I attempt to make never stick.

More of Him...less of me, myself and I.

Happy New Year...

Cheers to letting a King take His rightful place on the throne of our hearts!

LET'S DANCE!

Listed above are books that God really has used and continues to use in my life.

You can find more information on each book on the right side of my blog.

Give Jesus

Last fall I started reading a blog called Bella Mella by Melanie Clark.

I love her sensible fashion tips that she provides.

And then suddenly in August she put a post up asking for prayer for her 12 year old son Andrew. And all her fashion tips were set aside.

The Clark family would find out their son would have brain cancer and life as they knew it would never be the same. Andrew's skateboard that he rode on daily was put down as he would be taken to doctor's appointments and even checked into the hospital.

Prayer after prayer from all over the country bombarded the throne room of heaven on behalf of Andrew.

Hoping, begging God for a miracle.

Wednesday, December 15th Melanie and her family ushered Andrew into the arms of his Creator.

So as we are stressed about getting the right gift, enough gifts, the perfect gift,

Melanie is picking out what to bury her 12 year old son in.

Choosing a casket to hold his body.

Songs.

Pictures.

Going through his empty bedroom and getting his favorite stuff to display at his funeral.

Holding his skateboard he'll never ride again.

And in the midst of this horrible storm that just started last fall,

she is choosing to keep her eyes focused on Christ.

Her ending of her post says:

God is good.

I would say Jesus is definitely the reason of her season.

The season of her life she never thought she would be going through and yet she chooses to bring honor and glory to her King.

Want to give someone the perfect gift this Christmas?

Give them Jesus.

Keep focused no matter what on Him, because you can get sucked in so quickly to the demands of this world.

If you would've told Melanie that her youngest of 3 children would be dead before Christmas,

she would've never believed your news.

Andrew was healthy and was riding on a skateboard more than he walked

just days before his diagnosis in August.

BUT

if Melanie did have a heads' up of her son's death,

her panic wouldn't have been over where Andrew was going to spend eternity.

Her actions would have been the same ones she displayed these last 3 months.

She would have tried to find a way to save his life, buy them more time, make him comfortable, ask others to pray,

but never worry about where he was going.

Why?

Because Andrew knew Jesus.

And in the last days Melanie had with her son on earth,

she didn't ask him to make a Christmas list and then run out and join the mad shoppers to

buy him the

best skateboard,

latest video console or i-pod.

Instead, she sang songs about Jesus to him,

read the Bible to him,

prayed over him

and laid in bed with her Andrew.

And with his last breath, her 12 year old son reminded her that

God is good.

He gave her Jesus for Christmas.

Let's keep the X out of CHRISTmas

and remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Only a Mother can describe her child's last moments in such a beautiful way...

please click here to visit Melanie and leave her an encouraging message.

Love,

The Last Jesus

This song (bottom of post) by Kirk Franklin, The Last Jesus really goes along with yesterday's post.

Hope you take the time to listen to the very truthful powerful words of this song.

It's meant for all of us.

If you were the Last Jesus someone saw...Who are they seeing in you?

Love,

.75 cent Jesus

The church.
It's made up of many different lives coming together as a body of Christ.
Gathering together to worship Jesus one to two times a week.
Many churches preach the message of bringing in the lost "as is" and just loving on them.
Being Jesus to them I believe would be the correct "Christianese" terminology for this out reach.






But what does this really mean?
I mean, it's easy to cheer people on from the pulpit or place in leadership to be Jesus to others, but it's harder to actually step out and do the reaching.
Consistently.
Not everyone in the church is like this though.
Some actually don't just ask themselves WWJD, they just live it out.
Consistently.



It's easy to talk about reaching out to the city, to the ones who don't know Jesus, but to actually do it when you're face to face...whole other story.
So what if you were visiting a church that professed this stuff and someone in a leadership role approached you at the coffee center.
And the Jesus they left you with didn't match the Jesus they preached about from the pulpit?


If you have guessed something happened at church this morning to spur me to get on my blog and write from my heart, then you would be correct.




My son had two friends with him at church and after the service the boys went to get what they thought was free hot chocolate. A basket of cocoa packets seemed inviting to them as the snow was falling to the ground outside, so they were helping themselves when approached.




Approached by a woman who has a role of leadership at the church.
A woman known by many for her rudeness.
Consistently.
And that is what she approached my son and his two friends with this morning.
Over hot chocolate.
Telling them that each packet of hot chocolate is 75 cents.
And taking Aaron by his shoulders and telling him how he knew this.
How this time it would be "free", but next time they each need to put 75 cents in the money basket.
Not only approaching them once.
But twice in a matter of minutes.



I was packing up my stuff when my very embarrassed son came to me and told me of how rude she was. Knowing the reputation she has of being rude and witnessing it first hand, it was very easy to believe 3 boys over one rude woman.
So, I wrote out a check for $5.00, enough to cover 5 boxes of hot chocolate at Wal-Mart.
I put Hot Chocolate in the memo and went and handed it to her.
When asked what it was for and I said hot chocolate, without taking her eyes off the check, she waved her hand at me and walked away.
With my payment. And her rudeness.




Now as I share this, please know when my kids have come to me before on things, I am not the type of Mom who just "sides" with them. But taking in the reputation of this woman and after driving back to the church to talk with her, I know that I have 3 teenage boys that are not lying cocoa thieves on my hands. Just 3 boys that wanted some hot chocolate.
But above all of that he said she said garbage, this post is about what kind of Jesus we are to others.




So if you were this person in leadership how should you be to them?
Shoot, even if you're not in leadership, how should you be?

In the few moments you gave yourself permission to enter these kids' lives...what kind of Jesus would you leave them with?






BUT.
Let's say, before you approached them, you knew some inside information about them.
Would you leave them with a different type of Jesus?
A kinder one?
What if you knew....


That the 2 boys that came to church with us come from homes that their parents don't care about them. At all. One kid has spent up to four days with us before his dad has called his cell phone wondering where he is.




That yesterday morning Aaron and I attended their basketball game and I was both kids'"cheering Mom" because one kids' mom is back in jail after already serving 4 years and the other kids' Mom just doesn't care to watch him play or do anything.




That the reality of these 2 boys having a dime in their pocket let alone 3 quarters for a packet of overpriced hot chocolate is probably pretty low, especially when I know for a fact both boys receive free lunches from the government at school.




That both of these boys are really on their own. They both live on the north side of town and both get up early to catch a city bus to attend Southwest high school. A school that probably has the most supportive parents in the city. And that's just by looking at how many parents attend the sporting events wearing booster buttons with their kids' faces on them. But not theirs.




That one of the boys is not saved.
That the other boy became saved when he came to youth group with our son 3 years ago.
At this same church.




That these boys will ask to spend the night on Saturday night so they can go to church.
Any church.




That Aaron has been going through some real struggles himself lately at school. And how he doesn't even want to come to this church. And how Gene and I were just praising God he came this morning without an attitude.




So if you had the opportunity to approach these 3 boys this morning knowing all of the things above, would you approach them differently?
Would you not embarrass them and make them feel like they're stealing packets of hot chocolate?
Would you still take the time to make a sign on a hot pink card that says:

HOT CHOCOLATE

.75

A sign you took the time to place on the cocoa basket because you said "Aaron has done this before", even though he said he didn't know there was a charge for hot chocolate.






Because see, it doesn't matter if we know those things or not.


We're either clearly Jesus to others.
OR.
We're not.
Consistently.
When we have the love of Jesus in our hearts, the joy of Jesus comes oozing out of us.
Consistently.
And when we have pride and a need to control then that is what will come oozing out of us.
Consistently.




My husband grew up in a black southern church in Orlando, Florida.
One I have attended with him a few times when we go visit.
When talking with him this afternoon, I said this...


"You know for a fact Gene that the church you grew up in would've never acted like this.
Not one of those sisters in Christ would've approached these boys like this.
Instead, they would've said, "Baby are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Come with me to the kitchen and let me feed you while you sip on your hot chocolate."
Because bottom line is Jesus wouldn't want their measly 75 cents.
He wants their hearts.
And those women get that."


For years, I've heard my Grandfather tell a story of being embarrassed when he was a kid by a "church person".
He's 84 years old now and hasn't attended church since.
That was the Jesus he was introduced to.
And that's the Jesus he wants nothing to do with.






Not too long ago our pastor spoke about the different rooms in a house and how important the "foyer" is to welcoming new people, hurting people...everyone.

Does the foyer of your church have a hot pink sign up?

Being Jesus to "them"...

"Them" might just be 3 teenagers helping themselves to some hot chocolate in the

house of God's foyer.

What kind of Jesus will you leave them with?

A lost soul costs a whole lot more than 3 quarters.

~Many Blessings~

Time of Refocusing and Renewing

Hello...

For those of you who are reading the book, Becoming More by Lysa TerKeurst and wanted to participate in the study I'm so sorry I have been behind.

Instead of trying to catch up, I am going to take a little break from blogging and really focus on the Lord. I can't share my heart with you here in my blog if He doesn't have my heart completely.


A lot of things have been going on in my life and instead of drawing near to God, I have been stepping away. I feel it best for me to really REALLY fix my eyes on my King. Everything else has to be put aside for now and He has to be given my full attention. I miss Him so much and can't believe how quickly Satan will move into a heart not filled up with Jesus. I'm just really tired sweet friends and feel so defeated which is crazy because I have a King that has already won.


So, my sweet friend Paula, author of the blog, His Ways will be graciously hosting YES to GOD Tuesday's for me until God lets me return. Paula has participated in all but one of the studies since starting them in March '08 and always has wonderful insight to each chapter. Plus she has a love for the Lord that is just so evident.


So, if you are reading the book, please click on the link above and go to Paula's blog each Tuesday, until she lets you know differently. I will be stopping over and reading your thoughts when I can and I know I'll learn much from you. I always do.



Thank you all so much for your love, prayers and support.
You are some incredible women.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers.

Life is so tough and I have lived a life without having Christ #1 in my life and it is a miserable way to spend time on this earth.
So when I see myself slipping back to that type of life, I recognize my need for Him and I just have to put everything down and just run to Him.
I must sprint to Him and know that I will be falling into arms that don't want to let me go. And this tired soul just wants to collapse in His presence and allow Him to lead my life.
This enemy we have is relentless and wants to destroy, so I'm off and running to my Savior, Girls.

This song called Strong Enough by Stacie Orrico is the song running through my heart right now.

Love to you...