YES to GOD Study: Surrendering the Secret/Week 1

Welcome to the summer YES to GOD study of Pat Layton's book 

Surrendering the Secret.  

First, I want to tell everyone who has left messages of encouragement and letting us know that they're praying, THANK YOU so much! What a blessing you have been!

Session 1: WHERE HAVE YOU COME FROM?

Anything in blue is a quote from the book.

Prior to each session is a page entry from the journal of Pat, the author. She shares how at the age of 23 she was alone at the clinic. I love what she says here about God: "He's rescued  me from despair and shame, transforming the messes of my life into a beautiful ministry of grace and healing". Her testimony is amazing and to be led through this journey by someone like her through her book, is an absolute privilege.



One thing that Pat mentioned in the beginning of this session is God is here, and He has brought you here. He has a plan for you but cannot take the journey for you. You must take one step: a step of faith to begin walking the path with Him. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, I told two of my friends. Both cried with me and prayed for me and both women begged me not to have an abortion. The only reason they would both bring up abortion is because being married, the baby was not my husband's. I promised both of them that I would never do what I was always so against. It would be years before I would tell them the truth about my "miscarriage". Both forgave me, but the shame I carried was at times unbearable.

Some think God couldn't care less about our pain or that He condemns us for past mistakes, but the Book of Jeremiah gives us glimpses into God's real heart. 

They dress the sound of my people as thought it is not serious, "Peace, peace," they say, when there is no peace. 

JEREMIAH 6:14 NIV

Pat goes on to share with us the story in the Bible of Hagar found in Genesis 16. 

If you have never read the Bible before, Genesis is the very first book of the Bible. And let me tell you, some of the stories in here bring out more drama than the writer's of Desperate Housewives could ever dream up.

There are three main characters in this story: Abram, his wife Sarai and her servant Hagar. 

Sarai hadn't been able to give Abram any kids, so in all her womanly wisdom, she tells Abram to sleep with Hagar. 

And he did. 

Hagar became pregnant. 

And Sarai became ticked off and treated Hagar horribly. 

And Hagar did what any pregnant mistreated servant would do and she ran away. 

Shame. Guilt. Shame. Running from the situation. 

Sound familiar? 

The day I was driving home from my regretful time in the clinic, I received a phone call from a guy at church asking me to be a greeter that Sunday for Easter service at the front doors of our church.
"Sure" I said in a forced happy tone while tears ran down my cheeks.
Needless to say, I didn't show up. 

Getting back to Hagar, this is where it gets really good. 

Let's pick up at Genesis 16:7-8

The angel of the LORD found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, "Hagar, Sarai's servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?" 

I LOVE that...where have you come from, and where are you going? 

Just think of what God has brought you out of and think of where He can and will take you, if you allow Him to do so. 

From a seat in a clinic that left me with shame and guilt....to complete surrender in all areas of my life. 

Continuing on with Hagar's story, I love this next part. 

The angel told her to return to her mistress and submit to her authority. The he continued to tell her all that God promised to do with and to her. And this was her response to God, "You are the God who sees me." She also said, "Have I truly seen the One who sees me?"

How special she must have felt that day! She ran away in shame and the Lord met her right where she was and HE made her feel special and loved. She knew without a doubt that He saw her.
WHAT a Savior!

So, what does this have to do with us? 

Pat goes on to explain that abortion is a response to panic. 

Just like Hagar, when we went to the clinic, we ran with a cloak of shame covering our shoulders and more than likely we ran in panic. I know I did. I felt there was no other way out for me. 

And in all of my selfishness, God saw me. He saw me the day I walked into that clinic all alone. He saw me as I sat in the waiting room wanting to run out the doors. He saw me when the cold hearted doctor handed me the pill to end my pregnancy without even looking up at me. God hears your heart's cry! He sees you and feels your pain. He longs for you to look back on this time in your life and ask with Hagar, "Have I truly seen the One who sees me?"

Where have I come from?
A life full of decisions that effected not only me, but so many people I love.
A heart of regret and shame.

Where am I going?
My hearts' desire is to go wherever the Lord wants to take me.

It's time to trust in the God that sees and loves me whether I'm sitting in a chair in an abortion clinic or I'm sitting in a chair in church. 

Regardless of where I'm at in my life, His love for me is endless and unconditional. 

He has forgiven me for taking the life of my child and now instead of keeping me down in the pit of shame,  He wants to use my regret for His glory.

Question is...will I let Him?


Work through this study ladies.
Tough stuff, but let's allow God to break down your secret and let Him take you to new heights.

Please visit my co-leader Jennifer to read what she has written about this week's session.
She has been through this study and is a leader in her church. And what a heart she has for us.
Click here to go to her wonderful blog, Spirit of Truth. Oh, and if you haven't read her poem that she wrote called Out of the Darkness, oh my goodness, you have to read this.


Check back during the week so I can introduce you to some other women that have had an abortion, but have also made the decision to let God use this horrible choice for His good.

Let's tap into the hope we have in Him... 

the God who sees us!

Love you,

YES to GOD Study: Surrendering the Secret Intro's

Welcome to the new YES to GOD study of Pat Layton's book 

Surrendering the Secret.  

What better timing to start this book after the holiday that represents Freedom.

I hope you all had a great weekend, now let's get to it.

This book is in sessions, not chapters as I had previously stated. Each day there is something to read and questions to answer. So today, will just be introductions and next Tuesday, July 13th we will share and discuss Session 1: WHERE HAVE YOU COME FROM?

Here is a note from Jennifer, my co-leader of this study... 

Hi everyone! 

I wanted to take a quick minute to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about why I am co-leading this on line study with Lelia. My name is Jennifer Kittredge and I went through Surrendering the Secret for myself in January of 2009. 

This was not something that I wanted to do but God had other plans (He always does). My abortion kept coming up back in December of 2008 and I wrestled with God about it for days. I did NOT want to go back there. Finally, I emailed Pat Layton, the author of our study, and she told me to run to A Woman's Place, which is our local crisis pregnancy center which Pat started about 24 years ago. I did, not actually excited about why I was there but knew God was behind me leading me and guiding me to finally receive the healing I so desperately needed. 

Fast forward to 8 weeks after our study ( I will share more of my journey along the way) I am a new person. My chains are gone and I have been set FREE! Finally free from this bondage that had been holding me down.  

I became a certified leader of STS in May of 2009 and have been leading groups at my church ever since.

I am so excited for each one of you who will share this journey with us. I know that this is scary,but God is with you every step of the way. He wants you healed. He wants to shine His light into your darkest places.

For week one of this study please start in your workbook with Session 1 "Where Have You Come From?". When you are through with your session, please share whatever stood out to you most throughout your session. Please take the Past Trauma Survey on page 17 of your book and share the score of your survey and the key symptoms you recognized in your own life.

Love,

Jennifer

"For God did not send his Son into the world, but to save the world through him...But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God" 

John 3:17,21 

NIV

******************

From Lelia....

I don't think I've ever fully dealt with what I did. Taking the life of a child is something when done you can never undo and when the reality of that hits you it's a panic one can hardly explain. You think of your baby all of the time. And the "what-ifs" are infinitely long. What if I would've trusted God and just had the baby...What if I would have left the clinic that day, and on and on. The shame is so heavy and so I'm ready to surrender even this to a God that says I am worth His Son's death on a cross. I'm scared and so ready for this journey. I hope if you've made this choice that you're ready too. 

Hand in hand and heart to heart, let's do this together. 

Love,

Lelia

Jeremiah 29:11

 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

***********************

Okay...so next week, Tuesday, July 13th meet here and if you want to, be ready to share your thoughts on Session 1. If you just want to silently participate, please do so. Whatever your level of comfort in join us at that level. This is a no pressure study. So, if you don't have your book, order it now for it's never to late to join us in this journey toward freedom! Click here to order your book today or for someone you know struggling with the secret of abortion.

Below is the anthem of this study.

Have a blessed week! 

Get your butt in time out

The World Cup has been all over the news and if you are a lover of soccer, you have been glued to the television. I won't mention her name, but according to my sports fanatic friend somewhere in Kansas, when the USA was playing you were just not patriotic if you were not cheering Landon Donavon and his teammates on. I will try to make up for my lack of interest this weekend by wearing red, white and blue.



This morning though, this headline on good ole' informative Yahoo News caught my eye...
Unusual Punishment for World Cup Squad. Ahhh, now they have my interest. So, I clicked and read this:

Nigeria lost its first two World Cup group stage matches but still came just one goal short of advancing with their draw against South Korea. As one of the more heavily favored African nations, the early elimination was certainly a disappointment. So how is Nigeria handling that disappointment?

From the BBC:

Nigeria's president has suspended his nation's football team from international competition for two years after a poor showing at the World Cup.

Special presidential adviser Ima Niboro told reporters the decision by Goodluck Jonathan will "enable Nigeria to reorganize its football."

He said: "This directive became necessary following Nigeria's poor performance in the ongoing World Cup."

Wow! Two whole years in time out for not representing your country in a positive way? That's a long time seems a little harsh over a soccer game.

Just looking at my own walk with Jesus, can you even imagine if this was God's mode of operation?
OH, my goodness, I'd be in time out all the time.
But we serve a God full of grace and mercy. When we mess up and we truly repent, He forgives.
Doesn't mean He never disciplines us, but He does forgive.



A few weeks ago, I put up a post called "Seasons End and Sometimes Friendships Do Too".
Don't go looking for it, if you missed it because I took it down last night. I wrote that post out of frustration and ever since, God has been working on my heart. But I kept ignoring and justifying why I wrote it. If  you didn't see it, I had written about a friendship that I felt was no longer good for me,but this person kept appearing in my life and after feeling unheard by her, I decided to take it to the blog because I knew she used to read it.
OH. Boy.
Let me just tell you, that when you have committed something to be God's, like I have with this blog, and you use it for your own personal platform, watch out. I knew when I wrote it, my post would hurt her, but being  the "godly" woman  that I am, I started the post out with scripture and even backed up my feelings with a Bible story of a friendship gone awry.  And you know what? Hand in hand with Pride, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do.


Pride.
She's so ugly.
And I invited her and all her ugliness to come into my heart and invade it so that every time I spoke of the situation to my husband, I was left with drops of poison dripping off of my chin.
I was not a pretty sight.
Not to God, to my husband or admittedly to myself.

And then I got a letter about the blog post from my "ex-friend" as I referred to her as in the post.
And she asked for my forgiveness.
And for the first time in a year I felt my heart softening toward her.
So I thought I should take the post down that slammed her, but then Pride quickly stood up with her hands on her hips and said,"No Lelia, leave it up, stand your deserved ground girl."
And, so I did.
Until last night.



Yesterday afternoon, I had my 16 year old chauffeur, Aaron, drive me to Walgreen's and according to him and his friend, I left them in the heat for 30 minutes until I found a birthday card for her. I wrote in it, signed and sealed it, but didn't deliver it. Instead, I went to Bible Study and cried on this one part that Beth Moore shared.


Wouldn't you know, it was on pride?
She shared how she had been trying to work with this woman and the woman just kept lying so Beth had enough. She said she was speaking at a banquet and saw this woman out of the corner of her eye and Beth then made a statement from the stage that only the woman would get. A statement that sliced the lady apart. And immediately after, God dealt with Beth about it. I sat there last night in tears. For a year now I have avoided having a sit down with this lady and sharing our hearts. And like I said I let Pride rear up and hold her ugly head high in my heart because in my mind, I am right and she is so wrong.



After Bible study last night I prayed and asked God to help me and I made my way to the Birthday Girl's home. I let out a sigh of relief as I turned the corner because I was getting off easy; she wasn't home. I went up to the house and was going to put the card in the screen door when through the open door I saw her ninety-something year old father sitting alone watching television. I knocked and let myself in and talked with him for awhile. I hadn't seen him in a year and we used to see each other everyday. I gave him kisses and hugs and just as I was leaving, her sister walked in. I felt a little uncomfortable, knowing she probably knew what had happened, but we hugged and spent a few minutes talking. Again, I was making my way out the door, when my neighbor walked in from her birthday dinner.


Over the last year, I hadn't stepped foot in her home or talked with her and when she walked in and saw me, she opened her arms. We hugged and talked for a few minutes and then I left. And cried. It was her day, so I didn't say anything but Happy Birthday, but it was a start. A start of letting God fill my heart and making Pride get the heck out. A start of making Pride shut up and let me walk in obedience to God. A God who should have done what the Nigerian president did and put my butt in a 2 year time out for using the gift of writing He has trusted me with to rip apart my sister in Christ. For being a poor showing of grace and mercy.


I was wrong in how I wrote out my feelings on my blog and I'm so sorry to her and also to you for roping you into my journey of pride. Some things, we just need to get in the position as this Nigerian player is in and take our junk before God and God alone.










One thing Beth Moore said last night, was "We better deal with our stuff, our stuff will deal with us".


Let Him deal with you in whatever way He needs to, for He is the only One Who truly knows our needs.


If you want to join an on line blog study, starting Tuesday, July 6th, check it out here and see if it's for you.

Walking down the aisle

11 years ago today I walked down the aisle toward Gene as a single mom. 

20 minutes later, I walked back down the aisle holding his hand as his wife. 

I loved every bit of our wedding day and honeymoon. 

I wish I could say I've loved every bit of the last 11 years, but there's not one couple that could say that about their marriage. Life is hard and there are going to be trials in every union, but when we have God to lean on it can make it a lot more worth it. 

There are many "aisles" we walk down in our life and say "I do" to. Sometimes we walk alone and sometimes hand in  hand with someone else. Sometimes when we get to the end, we're filled with joy, like I was on the day Gene and I exchanged our vows. And then there's sometimes the path I have chosen to walk down has left me with regret to what I've said "I do" to.
Like when I walked into the abortion clinic alone. And I walked out empty and scared. And years later still find myself with a huge hole in my heart and a regret I can't even explain. And knowing that I can't "undo" this horrible decision makes me heartsick to this day. 

So that is one of the reasons why I chose to do the book 

Surrendering the Secret 

by 

Pat Layton 

for the next Yes to God study starting on Tuesday, July 6th. 

 Tuesday, July 6th will be the first day of discussing chapter 1 of  the summer Yes to God study being led by not just myself, but also Jennifer who has a passion for post-abortion women. Click here to read Jen's latest blog post called Out of the Darkness, which is so beautiful.  

Hopefully, you've never made this choice, but if you have it would be wonderful if you could join us. Or, if you know of anyone who has made the choice to abort their baby, please let them know about this on line blog study that they can join in from the comfort of their own home. 

*They don't have to have a blog to read the posts every Tuesday.

*They never have to leave a comment if they don't want to.

*If they want to leave a comment, they can do it under "Anonymous" if they wish to remain unknown. 

I hope and pray this will be a time of healing from the Lord for all that participate in this study because the death of a child at  your own hands...Lord have mercy, it's something you get through, but never over.
Click here to order your book today to join us and make sure you order the LeaRner Guide NOT the LeaDer Guide. Any questions about the study, since she leads groups in her church with this book, please contact Jennifer at  jenniekit@gmail.com

This video is so powerful, I hope you take a few minutes to watch it. It's a young man who wrote a song about his mother when she was 17 and almost aborted him. My Dad, who has always been so strongly against abortion loved this video when it first came out. It is also our 8 year old Alivia's favorite video; watch it and you'll see why. I hope you're blessed. 

So long Dumbo

FACT: An elephant calf is around 250 pounds or 115 kgs in weight when born.

I know what you're wondering...how do you know this Lelia?

Well, after many verbalized plans to lose my unwanted weight by my 40th birthday in October, only to daily sabotage my efforts by indulging in a huge bowl of ice cream sin, my 16 year old son Aaron has had enough. And so yesterday, he sweetly informed  me that I weigh as much as a baby elephant. Aaron is much like his dad as he retains facts that normal people don't know. So, a little taken aback, I asked how much those things weigh and when he said 250, I argued that I do not weigh that much, which he came back with: "Fine Mom, you're a preemie elephant".


Gene and I were laughing, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized two things:
1.) I don't want to be compared to a baby elephant.
and
2.) How often I show my kids the picture of failure.


Really, I do. I set goals and never accomplish them.
What is that called? Insanity?
You've probably heard the definition of that before: Doing the same thing, expecting different results.


So, how does one get beyond herself and try something different? Something that will work?
Last night I was thinking about it and the one thing that instantly came to my mind is in the book of the Bible known for it's wisdom...

Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, 

       and your plans will succeed.

So, this morning I woke up and committed my day to the Lord. I asked Him to help me make good choices in my thought life, my usage of words and I also asked Him to guide me through my exercise and eating choices.


I can make all the goals and plans I want to, but bottom line is, if I don't include the Lord, which I haven't up to this point, I will NEVER find success.


Baby elephant...your days are numbered!

Do you have anything in your life that you continuously failed at 

UNTIL you gave it the Lord 

and through Him you finally found success? 

Oh, please share...

Back again to surrender

It's Saturday morning and when I pull up my computer I get the latest Yahoo news. 

One of the stories that caught my eye tells of a 16 year old girl from California 

who was rescued at sea last week.

Her parent approved attempt to sail around the world alone non-stop was interrupted by the weather.

Family spokesman, Jeff Casher said her vessel was so badly damaged, her attempt to circle the globe was over. "This is the end of the dream. There's no boat to sail," he said.

Many times in our lives we do things on our own, without God and we fail miserably. 

We make choices that can't be undone and we have to live with the consequences of those choices for the rest of our lives. 

And often, instead of allowing God to restore us and be the undeniable center in and of our lives, we believe that our vessels are so badly damaged that any attempt to live for God is impossible. 

And so our journey of being a woman that says Yes to God is interrupted all because we swallow every bite of lies our enemy spoon feeds us that this is the end and there's no boat to sail. 

But what if we stopped believing the smooth talking father of lies and took God at His own Word? 

What if we accepted His offer of grace and forgiveness and made Him the Captain of our wrecked lives? 

I have taken a break from hosting blog book/Bible studies, but now feel the time is right to do another book.

The book chosen for this next study won't be for all of us. 

And honestly, I hope you won't have any reason to join me in this study. 

I hope it's one thing we don't ever have in common. 

The subject matter is one that if we are against it, it is okay make a sign,stand on the corner and let others know your strong beliefs. 

But if you have done it, shame on you and to avoid judgement just keep it quiet and just move on. 

The problem I have with keeping it quiet is that how the heck are we supposed let God use us to help others who may be leaning toward making the same choice you did? 

Because what if our testimony is what gets them to change their mind and choose life over death?

So July 6th I welcome back YES to GOD Tuesday's

 where we meet here every Tuesday to discuss a book 

and the next study is...

a book by author and speaker 

Pat Layton

Recently, two young ladies I know made a choice.

Miles apart in different states both were pregnant. 

One I didn't know of her pregnancy until later, one I knew of right away.

One chooses to end life and now cannot bear the consequences of her choice. 

The other one is leaning toward the same choice. 

The one who chose to end life messages the other not to do this and shares her story. 

The mother of the pregnant young lady tells me, "I am desperate to save this baby".

On behalf of her desperation to save her grandchild, the throne room was flooded with prayers 

from all over the country.

Truth of after-horror is shared from women who aborted with the young lady still pregnant.  

Hoping something said would change her mind and heart.

And our God.

He was not unmoved. 

Not by the young lady who chose to abort and now cries to her Savior 

and not by those interceding for the baby still alive.

The pregnant one has made her choice.

She will start off 2011 with changing the diapers of her little one!

And the one left with regret praises God alongside other post-abortion women 

all wishing they had made the choice of life.

Please know that I am not telling you to stand up in church on Sunday and say, 

"Hello, I am So and So and I had an abortion".

But what I do encourage you to do is allow God to use your choice of regret 

to glorify Him instead letting Satan shame you. 

Over and over again.

Perhaps joining this study is exactly where God wants His work to begin in you.

The young lady who aborted never knew my story.

But what if she had...would she have shared with me her fears and 

by hearing of my regret, not made the same choice that I did? 

Here is a description of the book from the author's website:

Many women hide the secret of abortion deep in their hearts, and they are suffering severe consequences. They carry a great burden of shame and failure afraid to reveal their hidden pain, and by doing so are forced to endure the long-lasting effects in isolation. Surrendering the Secret will allow women to release this burden and find freedom through 'redemptive community' while experiencing hope and joy as shame and failure are replaced with beauty.

IT'S TIME TO HEAL THE HEARTBREAK OF ABORTION. 

I will not be leading this study alone. 

I asked my friend Jennifer, author of the blog Spirit of the Truth to join me because her passion for post abortion women is such a threat to the kingdom of darkness. 

She has led many groups through this book in person and at the time of asking her I had no idea of that.

But God knew exactly who we need to help us through this journey.

Learn more about Jennifer here in a very touching blog post called LifeSong.

What I didn't know until after she said "yes", is that she works for the ministry of the author of this book!

Before I e-mailed Jennifer, I had e-mailed Pat asking if she thought this was a book appropriate to do as a blog study or if it had to be done in a group setting in person. 

She said it has never been done before on a blog before but that she thought it was a great idea.

We have her blessing and prayers and she is very excited about it. 

What I love about a blog study is you can participate from the comfort of your own home. 

You can join in and if you have something you want to share except for your identity then you can sign in under "ANONYMOUS" and nobody will have a clue to who you are except your Creator.

If you have any questions regarding a YES to GOD study, on the right side of my blog there is a square button you can push that has all the answer's to FAQ's you can think of. 

Unlike the other studies I've hosted there will not be a sign up for this study.  

Please think about joining Jennifer and I for study and discussion of one chapter each week of 

Pat Layton's book 

Surrendering the Secret. 

Meet here Tuesday, July 6th and have chapter 1 read and ready to discuss.

Invite anyone to join that you know has been down this road before. 

Let your women's ministry at church know. 

You do not have to have a blog to join in.

You never have to join the discussion if you don't feel comfortable. 

But if this study will help you or someone you know please join us.

And watch the message below from Pat Layton and other post-abortion women.

To order your book, click here so you can join us with 

chapter 1 on JULY 6th!

If you need to e-mail me with any questions, you can do so at chealey5@yahoo.com or if you have specific questions regarding the study since she is a leader and is familiar with it, please contact Jennifer at jenniekitt@mac.com

So tough and yet so wimpy

This morning I decided to sit outside under the umbrella on the patio to do my devotions and do some writing. It's so beautiful out here. I love the sounds that accompany sunny Saturday mornings as Spring gets ready to jump into Summer. Dogs barking, birds singing, kids playing and leaves in the trees above me dancing to the rhythm of the gentle wind. Wish every morning could start off this peaceful. 

Then my peace was interrupted. 
Our son Aaron has a big dog named Kane. He is the coolest dog and so loving to those he knows. 
To strangers walking their dogs though, he can come across as the bully of the block. 
If anyone dares to walk by our house, he is quick to the fence to let them know that they are in his hood and they best get to steppin' before he jumps the fence and devours their family pet. Since he doesn't know how to jump the fence though, Kane's choice of intimidation is his bark. 
It is loud, deep and demands respect.
By the way families hurry to get out of his sight, I would say he gets what he wants. 






But this morning I saw a different side of Kane as he was far from the big mean dog that he portrays himself to be. 
It all started when a blue jay landed on his food bowl, plucking out a piece of dog food and flying away. 

"Hey!", I yelled at the bird while looking down at my boy laying next to my chair, who did absolutely nothing but continue to lay next to my chair.
 
I started reading again when suddenly two black birds with beady, piercing blue eyes landed on the gutter of the house and leaned toward Kane and screeched at him. 

Once again I looked down at Kane, but this time, all I saw was tail as he was cowering under my chair.

Surprised and disappointed in him, I got up and put his bowl in the garage hoping they'd go away and also because Purina is too expensive to be used to feed mean things with feathers. 







Apparently, this made the birds more mad and instead of leaving like I had hoped, they kept repeating their behavior. Which then made me mad because the more they cawed at Kane, the more he cowered. I tried giving him a pep talk, but he looked at me as if to say, just put me in the garage with my food, Woman. 
The birds kept doing this and it started to freak me out, so I grabbed the nearest thing to me...if you are a lover of black birds with beady, piercing blue eyes...don't read this next part. 
I threw a basketball, okay, two basketballs and a rock at them. Unfortunately, they saw the large objects coming  and they flew away unharmed. I think I only contributed to their already angry selves because then they started to land on the privacy fence right next to the edge of the umbrella and aimed their demands directly at me which allowed Kane to relax a little. They are really scary that close and for a split second I almost joined Kane under the chair. 




Then it dawned on me, from watching Kane's behavior, that this is not the first time this has happened.
These birds keep doing this because they can. 
Instead of Kane standing his ground and tapping into the power within him and using his bark to scare them off, he just hides. All while they fly their little one pound selves down into his yard, land on his bowl and eat his food. 
They just come in and take what is not theirs and he just lets them. 




Determined to not go inside until I was ready to, I remained under the umbrella, but kept a watchful eye for the twin birds because I'm pretty sure they had starring roles in this movie. And that's when I realized that this is a picture of our enemy. 






Satan will bully the heck out of us. He will swoop into our lives and take what does not belong to him because he can. The attacks from him are inevitable. They are going to happen, but our response to the attack is what gives God the permission to swoop in and mark His territory of our heart. Just like Kane's bark makes a dog run away with his family in tow, when we speak Scripture over our enemy, he runs. And when we let the father of lies know that our hearts belong to our Father in heaven, that is when Jesus is quick to the gate of our heart and lets our enemy know that he is not going to come take what is not his. 








There are times when I feel defeated but when I choose to call on the Name of Jesus, I find that there is a big bark behind that Name ladies...say it and watch your enemy cower. He cowers and eventually flees because he knows Who God is and he knows he can't take on something so big and mighty. 






I'm still under my umbrella and the birds are picking on someone else for the time being. 
Kane has resurfaced to the fence and once again is letting the innocent walkers know through his loud barks that you do not come down this street again without an invitation.
If they only knew that if they walked their pet parakeet, he'd be putty in their hands. 
So glad the privacy fence decorated with bird poop keeps the walkers from seeing me. 

He has me

Last night I took our son Aaron over to his friend John's house to complete a project they've been working on for English class. Our families are like family to each other and so I always love going over there. John's Mom, Charlene and I were in the living room talking while the boys were working/laughing for 3 hours on their project Aaron said would take 5 minutes.


She asked me how I was doing and I told her about the letter we received in the mail last week. The one to Gene from the lovely disability benefits company saying we owe them over forty-five hundred dollars. The secretary was even nice enough to bold the numbers with a comma assuring our attention.


Forget the fact that Gene has lost his job due to three 6 plus hour surgeries forever fusing not only nuts and bolts, but pain into his body. Forget the fact that he can't stand long or even sit through a whole church service. Or has trouble lifting more than our grand babies weigh. The surgeon released Gene to return to work because "it is my standard procedure for all patients 3 months post-op", not taking into consideration this patient has to have a toddler close to the ground help him put his shoes on or that he is unable to perform any of the duties at his job prior to April 2008 when this all began. Forget the fact that his work couldn't/didn't hold his position and he has no job to return to.


But last week after reading that letter from the disability people who have their jobs to go to everyday and who gets a paycheck every payday, I couldn't forget it because their kind letter informed us that the June check, the one to pay our mortgage, wouldn't be mailed to us.  This letter came the day after Gene had gone on a job interview and had that knowing feeling he didn't get the job before he was even back in his truck. He was so down, which if you knew my husband, until all this back stuff started didn't have the word "depression" in his vocabulary. But as he told me the night before the letter arrived, "I just want to provide for my family and honey, I feel less than a man right now". And as if to confirm his lack of being able to bring home even a strip of bacon, the letter arrived.


So as I'm standing in the kitchen with this letter of doom in my hand, my heart is aching for my husband sitting at our kitchen table and my mind is trying to mentally go through our check book. And as I'm taking the grocery money and putting it toward mortgage, in my mind, I said, "Lord, we can't even feed our kids next week".


That's when God stepped into my heart and let me know, the disability people Lelia...NOT your provider.
 My cell phone rang and I answered.



When Alivia was just 5 years old she started participating in what is called the "Pre-school Problem Solving Study". We had received some information from her school and it sounded interesting so when she was in kindergarten we began the adventure of going down to the university for a few hours twice a year for them to observe her doing different testing always in a game format. She loves it. Once in the spring and once in the fall we go down there as she plays games and I sit in the waiting room filling out enough paper work to wipe out a forest.



But this call to set up this year's spring testing was different.
It came during the attempted entrance of  fear into my heart as I stood staring into the empty fridge worried about my kids. "But!" the chipper college girl on the other end of the line said in her voice that revealed no worries of how she was going to feed the hungry, "We have to do the study in 2 days this time instead of just one. Can you come in on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week?"
"Yes", I said, with tears in my eyes, "We'll be there".


So yesterday, Alivia and I went to the study and today we go back. And as we drove to the University I explained to her how God was using her and how way back in the day when she was young, He set this up because "for such a time as this" He knew we would need this study in our lives. "Cool!" was her response with such a beautiful smile splashed across her soft brown cheeks.


See, every time we go in, after the testing is complete, the college girl lets Alivia pick out a prize of her choice and hands me a gift card to Wal-Mart. Usually it's fifty bucks. This time though, for such a time as letting one worried Mom know Who her One and Only Provider is...it's one hundred dollars .

$100.00 of grocery money at Wal-Mart.
Thank You Jesus is all I could barely whisper as I closed my refrigerator door and put the letter on the counter. I felt as if He were giving me the tightest bear hug ever. In my kitchen in the middle of Lincoln, Nebraska.
Thank You Jesus.



As I'm sharing this with Charlene last night, the tears came down her beautiful face. As we held hands, I said, "In the world's eyes, neither one of our families or marriages should have survived what we both have gone through over these last 2 years. I know though if I didn't have Jesus, our marriage wouldn't have survived any of this". She nodded in agreement, but what she said to me next about God was a statement that forced my tired self to lie wide awake in the dark last night next to my unemployed, somewhat disabled husband in complete peace.

"It's a good thing that He has us. 

We don't have Him, HE has us.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 

John 15:16(NIV)

He has me. 
Today. Tomorrow. Tonight. 
As long as I let Him, He has me. 
No matter what, I want to let Him. 
I need Him and desire Him. 
Not because He gave me a Wal-Mart gift card, but because I've done life without Him and I don't want to go back to that. Ever again.  
Does He need me? Not at all, but He has me.




He has me and I pray He has you too. 
And the fact that never wavers that I cannot forget is that God...
He is bigger than all of this earthly mess. And so worth any part of being uncomfortable, unemployed but never unloved or unnoticed.


This morning I read Lysa T's blog post titled Because He asks me to that put my husband and I both in tears. You have to read it, you just have to. 
Click here and go...

If she only knew me...

Have you ever found yourself surrounded by a bunch of Jesus-lovin' women and think that every woman but you is just a sinless creation that God loves way more than He ever could you?

Or gone on a girlfriend get away with a replica of the woman described in Proverbs 31 in every way possible, down to planting vineyards from her earnings? And you return home feeling less of a woman because you can't even sew a button back on a blouse.






Have you gone to a women's conference and been sitting amongst your group of sisters in Christ and while listening to their clean cut testimonies you soon find yourself comparing your life to your friends? And on the outside you remain smiling, but on the inside, you're cringing and thinking, "If she only knew who I really was..."? And the sad part is, that it's not even the impression she is trying to make on you, but her strengths crush your weaknesses.




In the eyes of the world we are told through magazine covers what we're supposed to wear, weigh and want in life. We're bombarded with the worlds view of perfection and if we buy into it, we will be left feeling like a failure.




But some of us can pull off the perfect Christian girl look.
We can look like we have it all together, but behind the walls of our heart we are just a mess.
A mess that only Jesus can handle all the details of.




We can look like this to others around us...

But on the inside, we can feel like this...

This is Alivia's doll that Aaron's dog Kane got a hold of recently.

Before Kane found Barbie, she was perfect.

But after a little time alone with her, even her plastic little self couldn't stop this canine from destroying everything Ken loves about her.

Soon, she was left with no feet, hands and on the left side of her body, not even an arm.

She has chunks of her face taken out and bite marks on the side of her thighs.

In real life, if we let him, Satan will do the same thing with us.

He will take bites out of our self esteem, demolish our hope and chew up the belief that we can ever be usable by such a great God.

The thought life of God and Satan when it comes to us, is so different.

The thoughts of feeling less when compared to your sister in Christ is not coming from the Lord. Satan loves messing with us and will do so on every level possible.

To know how God thinks of us, it's so important to be in His Word daily.

We should be in His Word so deeply, that when Satan does try to take a bite out of us, he tastes nothing but Jesus!

Jesus wants to use our past for His glory.

So many of us believe or have believed He can't or won't; that our lives are too much of a mess for Him to clean up, but He tells us different.
He can use anyone and if willing, He will.

Nothing in our past or our present is unusable to God.

So today, if you compare yourself with others...don't.

Not today.

Truth of it is, she's probably thinking, "if she only knew me".

Allow God to use you right where you are and don't worry about what you look like to others.

Two of my favorite authors and women of God are

Lysa TerKeurst and Lisa Whittle.

Both have written life changing books.

Lysa's book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

can be found here.

And Lisa's book, Behind Those Eyes

can be found here.

Both women to the naked eye, have it all together, but they will be the first to knock themselves off of any pedestal of perfection anyone tries perching them upon.

They are real women that love Jesus, who don't try to portray anything but Jesus in their lives.

If you have never visited them before, do so...you will be blessed.

On the right side of my blog, scroll down and you can see that we have done their books on the Yes to God studies before.

So, if you're looking for a great read to kick off your summer, one that will leave you closer to God when you finish the book, then grab one of these ladies books.

Have a great day and allow Jesus to shine through you and you're outside will be more beautiful than you can ever imagine.

A beauty so contagious that sooner than later, Mattell will just have to come out with a

Jesus-lovin' Barbie.

Does Victoria's Secret even have stuff that lasts for 11 years?

"I remember those," Gene said while pointing to the white lacy underwear I was wearing. After giving me a sexy smile and even a wink, he said,

"Those are from our wedding night".

After staring at his confident self for about 30 seconds, I responded with,

"We got married in '99 Gene, it's now 2010! Who wears underwear for ELEVEN years???? "

Okay.

First I must say, if you wear your panties for 11 years, please don't tell me, it may just alter my thoughts of you.

Secondly, even though there is a 64 pound difference between wedding wife and his 2010 bride, he still thinks I can fit into wedding wife's panties.

Little does he know that back in the day, his new bride wore gorgeous, white lacy panties brought to her out of a drawer by an attendant at Victoria's Secret.

While his 2010 bride had on white underwear she found at Wal-Mart hanging on a plastic hanger next to the Hanes plus size undies that come 10 in a package and these only have lace on the front to hide the fact that they're tummy controller underwear.

Bless his heart though; I may just have to keep this pair until 2021.

Third, the fact he wasn't bothered that I'd be wearing the same underwear for over a decade made me go through his personal drawer and make sure everything he wears has been purchased within the calendar year. It's all good.

Okay, had a fun drawing for some jewelry handmade by a woman named Patti in Mexico. If you have no idea what I'm talking about and would like to read a really cool story of how God introduced Nancy to Patti in a park through a flower Pattie made from wire in her mouth...and how He has provided for Patti's family in a unique way, then click HERE to read this awesome "to God be the glory" story.

So, time to meet the winners.

At first I asked Amiyah to draw 2 names out of Gene's Dallas Cowboys hat, but only because I had forgotten that her cooperation level isn't high in the morning. I was quickly reminded though when she grabbed all the names and wouldn't give them back to me. Gene finally convinced her to drop the pieces of paper clutched in her little hand back into the hat and he drew the names for me.

The woman who will be wearing red from her earlobes and around her neck is...

E'Lise!

And the woman who will have a unique flower necklace to wear, is...

Brenda!

I'm sorry that you don't get Amiyah along with the necklace as promised in the previous post, but once I found out how much shipping and handling was, I waited until she fell asleep and carefully removed your necklace.

And E'Lise since you said in your comment for the drawing you'd take Alivia, she'll be ready for you when you get off work!

Please e-mail me your name & address to chealey5@yahoo.com and I will get these mailed out to you ladies over the weekend.

Since "someone" is throwing a toddler tantrum as I type, I don't care anymore about the price of shipping costs, she's outta here. Not sure to where though...perhaps to Sharon (His Princess) in Australia...so if you find a package on your doorstep that weighs 25 pounds, open it quickly...she'll be hungry!

Thank you to Nancy who has blessed not only Patti and her family in Mexico,

but us too by saying

yes to God!