of the book
Surrendering the Secret.
Last Tuesday, I was to post on session 2 and today on session 3. I have to be honest here and tell you, I'm having a hard time working through this book.
I can blame it on being busy with work and family, but truth be told, what I thought at first was a great idea of hosting this study, has turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.
And like Jillian Michaels says on her video, "when you begin to hurt, it's pain leaving the body".
So, I'm late and I'm sorry for that, but here are a few things from sessions 2 & 3.
SHARING THE SECRET: A Spring in the Desert
Remember, anything in blue is a quote from the book.
In the journal entry from Pat's journal she is nudged by God to share her story with her BFF, Ann.
She was so nervous and scared to do so and wrote these thoughts:
Although I am dreading it, I had to tell Ann about my abortion. The secret swelled so fiercely in my heart that I was about to burst! Yet turmoil and panic gripped my chest because I had no idea what Ann would say or how exposing this dark part of my past would affect our friendship. Ann and all my new friends at church seemed so godly and good. What would they think of me? What would they think about the awful thing I had done? It was time---to break the power of secrecy...
Isn't this so true to think no matter what our secrets hold?
I've talked before about being at a women's conference and thinking, "if only she knew me".
And surprisingly, when I've shared my past with my friends, they have shown me grace.
And my sister Michelle. Oh my goodness, God knew exactly who I needed.
I couldn't have designed a more perfect friend/sister. She has been so incredible.
In this session, Pat talked of buying into lies.
If Satan can keep us feeling worthless, keep us feeling guilty, or keep our minds and hearts under his influence, he can keep us out of the glory God intended us to live in and the intimacy God wants us to share with Him. That's why the deceiver continually whispers lies about who we are, who God is, God's heart toward us, and intimacy with God.
Continually whispers lies.
And I continually believe my enemy.
This cycle of destruction has come to an end.
Session 3: WALK IN TRUTH
What if when you went to the clinic to get your abortion they took you into a room and told you what you would really feel afterward?
On page 45, Pat talks about how after having an abortion, the first emotion most women have is immediate relief. Research indicates, however, that this relief is short-lived and is soon replaced by guilt, shame, secrecy, sadness and regret. This strong letdown experience is commonly referred to as Post-Abortion Trauma.
On my way home from the clinic, I got a phone call asking to serve at church for Easter Sunday that year. I felt so much shame, but quickly regrouped.
I had to remember that this was MY secret.
My pregnancy was the result of an affair my husband didn't know of yet, so I had to be careful not to do anything out of the ordinary. Which meant walking around crying.
So, I stuffed it and went on with my life.
And tried my hardest not to EVER think about it.
But after my husband knew and showed so much grace, the guilt and shame would really kick in. And wouldn't you know, Satan stayed around and had fun with this new emotion too.
He just loves to keep us down and useless.
This is one decision that we hope we are alone in, but the truth of it is, many many women have had an abortion. We are everywhere...women who have bought the enemy's lie that abortion was our only hope, our only choice, and what we "had to do".
Okay, that's all I can do for now.
I will be praying for all of you silently joining this study.
We are not alone ladies, and our God.
Our God loves us as is.
Please visit my co-host, Jennifer on her blog
for an amazing word.
*Next Tuesday, August 3rd for Session 4: A Time for Anger: Tearing Down Roadblocks